Wednesday, January 17, 2007
The Feel-Good Album of Winter '07

When you really want to get bodies moving at your party, you need to reach for Freddie Gage's dancefloor classic, All My Friends Are Dead.

You can't go to a nightclub in the "party quad" of New York, Miami, Las Vegas, and Los Angeles without hearing at least one cut off of this album. This one really gets the hotties to shake their asses.

A friend of a friend was the head bartender at Studio 54, and I had the pleasure of meeting Freddie "Gravesite" Gage when he hosted a party there last March.

As I stood in line to greet the master of frolicking good-time music, I was touched by his willingness to interact with his fans.

Female clubgoer: "Nice to meet you, Freddie. I'm a huge fan."

Freddie: "If you don't stop binge drinking, snorting cocaine, and having unprotected casual sex, you won't live to see forty."

Female clubgoer: "Cool. Here's a sharpie; will you write that across my tits?"


If you live in North America, look for Freddie G in a city near you! Starting this May, his "Requiem for the Club Kids" tour will hit forty towns in fifty days. He'll probably try to kill himself mid-tour (he almost succeeded last July in Oakland), so see him early-on if you can.


19 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't know what I want worse-- that extra-extra wide seventies tie or those bitchin' boots...

Blogger Blonde said...

Where do you get these crazy ass records?!?!?!?!?!?!

Blogger The Stormin Mormon said...

That was actually nominated as one of The Guardian's "Worst Album Covers Every."

The guy is "a reformed drug addict"...

And...

What current rapper in the top 40 chart isn't? Hell, find me a rapper that isn't a current addict...

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Awesome.

Blogger M said...

oo I saw him last year on his Slippery When Dead tour. He was great!

Blogger Steph said...

That man looks like HE should be the one in the grave. Ugly fucker.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd kill myself if I had to wear those white boots too.

Blogger Nick said...

I'd kill you too.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe all of his friends are just pretending to avoid him.

Blogger April said...

hmmm...i like shakin' my ass, but i've never heard of him.

'course i live in small town hell; that's probably why.

Blogger miss kendra said...

freddy should seek help. myabe there's room at lohan's rehab facility.

Blogger Mung said...

Remind me not to become friends with him. On second thought, don't bother.

Blogger Brookelina said...

This story warmed the cockles of my heart.

We all know why I said this.

cockles cockles cockles

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are all his friends really dead, or are they just going to great lengths to avoid him?

Watching women ask for Sharpie autographs across their tatas makes me giggle. I once wrote "Self-respect" across mine at one of my friend's shows to make a point.

Not one of the autograph hounds got the joke and I was sad.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nothing says "My friends are dead" like black slacks with white, patent leather ankle boots.

Blogger FRITZ said...

my fucking God, Todd, I love you.
It's funny, and stuff, that a Michigander made fun of you for being from Kentucky, because like half the state of Michigan is from Kentucky, and the other half is from Ohio, and then there's like another half (yes, three halves) from Canada, and then, there's me. So.

Ohio is WAAAY more of a redneck state than Kentucky, even though no one likes to admit it.

I fucking hate Ohio. But you, I adore. Totally.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This album could have been worse.
He could be kneeling at Jerry Garcia's grave
"all my friends are deadheads"

shudder.
Have you ever been to a dead show?

Blogger yournamehere said...

johnny,
The boots would make my ankles hurt.

blonde,
the crazy ass record store.

stormin',
I guess all of his friends died of drug overdoses? Lightweights.

tits,
it is awesome.

m,
didn't Pat Boone open? I'll bet that was cool.

steph,
he may be dead by now, if that makes you feel any better.

flounder,
Kurt Cobain was wearing some cool Converse One Stars. What was his problem?

nick,
hostile.

ubie,
sure, they had to buy tombstones and everything, but it was worth it.

Blogger yournamehere said...

april,
please shake your ass this way.

kendra,
lohan and her entourage have already turned the place into a nightclub. Freddy can go, but there's a thirty dollar cover, and he ain't gettin' in wearing THAT outfit.

mung,
I think if you become his friend, death would seem a welcome respite.

brooke,
you have cockles on the brain.

melissa,
I saw a local band in Vegas autographing girl's tatas. They were a cover band, for god's sake. Have some standards.

cincy,
he got the outfit at Gap for Guys Whose Friends Are Dead.

fritz,
GO COWBOYS!

tracy,
ever been to a Dead show? Of course not.

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