Why I like Cumberland Brews

Cumberland Brews is a small Microbrewery and Restaurant in the Highlands neighborhood of Louisville. I watched the Seahawks-Bears game there on Sunday. They have good food and the best craft beers on earth. Every Sunday, all day, a pint of liquid heaven is only $2.75.

But I think I like Cumberland Brews more for what it's NOT.

And what isn't it, you might ask? It isn't a place where people conspire to drive me to fits of uncontrollable rage. That makes it my ale oasis in a desert of douchebags.

True, some of the clientele, it has to be said, are damn dirty hippies. The DDH love them some craft beer. But they keep to themselves, and the smell of the delicious food and hops drowns out the stench of patchouli.

Actually, there are other places like that in Louisville, locales where people of all social persuasions are brought together for a common goal; usually to eat or drink or listen to good music. But in today's society, that's a rarity. There are some places I don't think I can go anymore, at all, for fear of killing everyone in the room, grinding their bones into a fine powder, and snorting them like Scarface on a three-day coke bender.

Movies
Okay, you spoiled little fuck, I know your daddy has a TV almost as big as a theatre screen, but you aren't in the family room, so shut your diseased mouth, get off the cell phone, and quit finger-banging Mary Kate Rottencrotch during the Coming Attractions.

And if you're too stupid to follow the plot of a Hollywood movie, you are retarded and don't need to be out past sunset. "What'd he do that for?" "Who is she?" "What just happened?" You have smegma for brains! Do the world a favor and sequester yourself in a room filled with shiny objects and coloring books.

Concerts
Why do people pay for a ticket to see a band and then talk to their friends the entire night? Is it because they're hipster assholes who care more about being seen than they do about music? Yes. That is the reason.

Nightclubs
Nightclubs only exist because that's where attractive young ladies go. That's the only reason any male would voluntarily subject himself to shitty music and watered down drinks. Nightclub drinks in Las Vegas were so expensive, and the music so absolutely cringe-worthy, it was like being in a strip club sans nudity.

And who needs a room full of snooty club whores? The older I get the more wholeheartedly I endorse a quality over quantity policy when it comes to members of the opposite sex.

I also don't enjoy shopping, going to work, going to the bank, or driving (unless the streets are completely empty of all other cars). I'll be busy building an underground tunnel to Cumberland Brews if anyone wants to lend a hand.