Friday, January 19, 2007
A message to predators

ATTENTION: If you are a middle-aged man talking dirty to a fifteen-year-old girl on the internet, you aren't really talking to a fifteen-year-old girl, dumbfuck. You're talking to Dateline NBC. Don't you watch television?!

Here's what's going to happen, Mr. Pervy Pants: You're going to appear on a chat room as CherryBuster66. You'll strike up a conversation with Schoolgirlfantasyvirgin15. You'll ask her if she wants to be deflowered by an old pro. She'll answer in the affirmative. You'll arrange to meet her at her house. You'll show up at her address with a gross of condoms, a riding crop, and a bucket of lard. Dateline NBC's Chris Hansen will be there instead. Mr. Hansen will be disarmingly calm and talk down to you. You'll leave, and twenty heavily-armed cops will arrest you. You'll claim you were there for the witty banter only possible through conversation with a fifteen-year-old girl. In post-production, Mr. Hansen will mock your denials. The North American viewing public will laugh at your porno moustache and the gravy stain on your t-shirt.

Inappropriate lust must be a powerful thing, because these guys think young girls actually want to have sex with them. Right or wrong, half of all American girls have sex by the time they're fifteen, but not with old men they meet online. They have sex with slightly older teens who get them drunk on wine coolers. That's the way it should be, by god. These palsycocked perverts are trying to ruin the natural order of things. When they're in prison, getting anally invaded in the laundry room, they'll wish they had just watched youtube.


22 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love you.

Do you want to know how many people find my blog by doing searches for "kid tits" and "15 year old boobs?" I thought not.

It makes me throw. Right. Up.

Blogger Dawn said...

Jeez, did Dateline have the same subject on again this week? Don't get me wrong, I think they are doing a good thing, but it's been on every week for a while now it seems. I just worry people will become desensitized to it.

Those men that they catch thoroughly gross me out. And the fact that they always say, "I didn't know she was 13." Oh c'mon now, Chris Hansen has your whole conversation in black and white. Nice try there.


But hey, I'll chat online with you and maybe we could meet up and indulge in some Bartles and James or Califoria Coolers. lol. I just had a flashback to the mid 1980's. God the thought of a wine cooler makes me ill. I never realized how sickingly sweet they were. Oh and I'll invite Chris Hansen over also. :)

Blogger FRITZ said...

Thank you so fucking much for this post.

While I admit on some base level, I love seeing these guys getting their chops busted, I also have to wonder: who regularly watches this show? Is it all those victims' rights people? Survivors of sex abuse? Or is really the same population that are oddly addicted to Jerry Springer?

Exactly. Everyone is fucking crazy in this world. Now, I must engorge myself on my neighbor's carcass. Fucker.

Blogger The Stormin Mormon said...

This shit is SO FUNNY. After the first week of the show I thought that they would be out of buisness. In fact it seems like they actually catch more people week after week...

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is Mr. Pervy Pants related to Mr. Lumpy Pants? Have a nice flashback.

Did you see the one guy who got naked as soon as he went into the house? The look on his face when he was busted was f'ing priceless.

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

Pervs.

Have you seen the movie Hard Candy?

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Could be those guys WANT to get on TV.

Jerks.

Blogger Brookelina said...

I think we should start a vigilante group for these predators. We could all pose as teenage girls online, wait for them to show up in hotel rooms, and then hit them with a shovel and cut off their dicks. The one with the most dicks wins.

I bet we wouldn't even get convicted in a court of law.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Stories like this are the origin of the colaborative Tee-Shirt that Todd and I came up with.

He came up with it, I jsut designed it.

Find it here.

Blogger n.v. said...

Todd, you're such a cunt magnet.

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

Brookelina -- rent and watch Hard Candy. I am serious. It is fabu!

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

well.. fabu, and frightening.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey,

I'm bloghopping today and came here via Johnny Yen. What a great post! It made me chuckle. I'll agree that Dateline tends to be doing this every other week or so (are their ratings flagging that badly?), and that people may get desensitized to it.

On the other hand, my wife, who works for a local county sheriff, told me about a sting her department just did a few months ago. They had an officer pretend to be a fifteen-year-old girl online. She hung around in chat rooms waiting to get picked up. Then she'd make arrangements to meet men for sex.

The department called off the sting after they busted twenty-two men in five hours. They'd run out of manpower.

Ian

Blogger miss kendra said...

palsycocked? hehehehe.

hard candy is indeed fabu and frightening.

(she's at it again, huh?)

Blogger Nick said...

I like Dott Comments pseudo-idea of turning the tables on them. Show up at the house and tell them to cut the shit out 'cause you're tired of watching it every goddamn week. Bring your wife and your pastor with you so there's no mistaking that you're on to them. Tell Chris you get it, thanks for the compelling TV that makes everyone want to throw up their dinners, and move the fuck on already.

Blogger Nick said...

Either that or they'd have the mother of all stories under the tagline "And later, the most shocking visit of all. A couple AND their pastor all showed up to fuck this fifteen year-old girl! Right after this from Jergens."

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This concept was actually started by the local NBC station in Milwaukee. They do this about once every two months. Now we are starting to see these guys move thru the court system. Everyone of them is being convicted... or they plead it out. You would think that these guys would figure this out by now.

Blogger Nick said...

That's not me!

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think there should be a "Predator Island."

Anonymous Anonymous said...

you could have substituted your post about Dateline Predators with any one of the addicts from INTERVENTION who "agreed to participate in a documentary about addiction."

Are they really surprised to see every relative and/or fuck buddy from their past sitting in the hotel room with tears on their face and a handwritten letter on why they won't be getting freebees anymore unless they go to Aspen for a 6month detox when they show up for their last "interview"? I would think it'd be pretty damn hard to find a cokehead that can't guess this might happen when they "sign up" since they are by far the most paranoid people in the universe and this show has been on for three years now. but whatever A&E.

Blogger Al Sensu said...

...and then Homer said "Doh!"

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