A rant about music

Michael Jackson was recently in Japan, charging people $3,500 for thirty seconds of "face time" with the former celebrity. Yeah, the news report actually said "face time". Hahahahaha. Face time with Michael Jackson is kind of like cock time with John Wayne Bobbitt; they're both disfigured messes with which no one should ever concern themselves.

I realize people have the right to spend their money any way they see fit, but I'd like to offer an exception: Wasting thirty-five hundy to gawk at a child fucker for half a minute!!! Why would anyone want to reward this pedophile? It wouldn't upset me in the least if he was ripped apart by an angry mob and fed to vultures.

I know that doesn't really count as a rant about music since Michael Jackson hasn't been musically relevant for about fifteen years, but it's a good way to anger up my blood about current "musicians" who just need to rot in the fiery pits of hell.

-That American Idol fuckspittle Chris Daughtry is coming to town with his brilliantly named band, Daughtry. A few of us at work are thinking about going so we can rush the stage and beat him like a tuneless pussy fart in front of his fans. That's how fucking tired we are of hearing his song.

It makes me chuckle heartily when someone says "He's the American Idol rocker." NO HE ISN'T. There has never been any rock on that show, and there never will be. American Idol is the antithesis of rock. If you want to like his music, fine; but if you think it's rock then there's a trough of cesspool juice where your soul should be.

-Groups of attractive, scantily clad young women rarely make me angry, but most of them aren't the Pussycat Dolls. They were fine as a burlesque troop, but then they had to start recording music. The worst is that vapid, arrogant "Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?" piece of shit song. Well, that depends. Is she also a brainless, self-centered bitch like you?

Are guys who are lucky enough to have a nice girlfriend really upset if she doesn't look like a Pussycat Doll? "I wish my girlfriend had a tighter body and would blow the first shiny-shirt wearing douchebag who offers her a line of coke. That would be great."

-I've never knowingly heard a song by Danity Kane, but damn that's the worst name ever. Also, they're managed by Sean Combs and were manufactured for an M-TV show, so they have to suck. They just have to. Did I mention how much I hate the name Danity Kane? It pisses me off just typing it.

-Your mission this weekend is to go out and hear an original local band or solo artist. If you live in a hellish backwater that doesn't offer live music options, buy a good CD from the internets. And destroy those motherfucking I-Pods; they're ruining music. Can't ANYONE listen to an entire forty minute CD? Is everyone an ADD third grader these days?