Sunday, March 04, 2007
"Rain" in the Desert: The NBA All-Star Game Hits Vegas

Last weekend the NBA All-Star game was held in my former town of residence, Las Vegas. Reports have been surfacing for several days that the event was a complete disaster, mainly because local authorities were unable to contend with every wannabe gangsta thug on the planet Earth coming to town to start shit.

I wasn't worried about the safety of my brother, his wife, or anyone else I befriended during my stay there, because any local with a brain bigger than a rat turd knows to avoid the strip on big weekends (And if you just have to go there, hit the Mandalay Bay on the far South Strip, to avoid the traffic). But for the unfortunate souls who work on the Strip, according to published reports, their weekend was filled with threats, bad tips, and skipped checks. And two of them even got shot for their efforts.

The man in the above photo, taken during one of his numerous arrests, is NFL player Adam "Pacman" Jones. Jones plays football, not basketball, but he made the biggest impact of any athlete last weekend by starting a riot in a strip club.

Pacman decided it would be fun to take about eighty thousand dollars (or eighty gurr as we say here at DWAFM) and "make it rain" in the club by throwing the money in the air at a stage full of strippers. That part is understandable. If I was a millionaire I'd be making it rain at strip clubs all over this semi-great land of ours. The last time I "made it rain" at a strip club it involved urine and my subsequent lifetime ban from said club. So at this point, Pacman is my hero.

But where did Adam Jones go wrong? HE TRIED TO GET THE MONEY BACK! Are you fucking kidding me? Have you ever tried to pry money from the greedy mitts of a stripper? He would have had a better chance of getting a rock star's cock away from Winona Ryder. Needless to say, bedlam ensued, shots were fired by someone, and two club employees are still in critical condition at a local hospital. At this point, Pacman STOPS being my hero.

The Mayor of Las Vegas has been lobbying for an NBA franchise. Thanks to All Star Weekend, he'll no longer have the support of anyone who works on the Strip. Is it fair to judge the entire NBA by the actions of some of the fans in Vegas last weekend? No, but it also isn't fair to be shot just for showing up to work.


19 Comments:

I had the misfortune of having a business meeting Friday evening the weekend of the All Star game at the Palms. It was like a gang convention, and I pretty much feared for mine and my client's safety. My brother in law, who works at Paris, was actually threatened. It was a complete disaster and should never happen again.

Blogger Brookelina said...

This is why I hate basketball players. For the most part they are overpaid, undereducated scumbags. OK, so this guy is a football player, I get it. Now I hate them too.

Thanks.

Blogger Johnny Yen said...

When the Bulls were on their big winning streaks in the 90's, Chicagoans came to dread their championships-- the city became a violent riot each time. I used to love playing and watching basketball. I'm not such a fan anymore.

Blogger Tracy said...

Can you imagine how you would behave if someone paid you a good couple million a year right out of high school?

I agree with Brooke. There seems to be an overabundance of Overpaid and Undereducated scumbags. Kind of like Paris Hilton and Britney.

Blogger Tracy said...

"HE TRIED TO GET THE MONEY BACK! Are you fucking kidding me?"

I just imagine those strippers rivaled the '85 Bears Defense to keep him from getting that cash back.

Dumbass.

Didn't I read somewhere that Winona Ryder has a trophy room with various rock star taints suspended from the ceiling by nearly invisible fishing line - and that she likes to run through and slap them while giggling uncontrollably? Either that, or she stole some stuff and got caught. Pretty sure it's one of those two.

Seriously, though, she dated that goofy blond singer from that lame band Soul Asylum for awhile, after which they promptly were a band no longer. So I can't hate on her too much.

Wait. What was your post about again? Was Winona in Vegas? Goddamn this ADD!!!

Blogger Princess Pointful said...

This is when six inch high stillettos serve a dual purpose... eye gougers and hand puncturers against those who try to steal back money rain.

Blogger Nick said...

This post cracked me up. My new goal in life is to make YOU a millionaire. The only condition is that I get to be in your posse on the nights you decide to visit one our MANY Dallas titty bars and "make it rain."

Blogger Flounder 2k7 said...

Pac Man Fever!

You know that next year's game is planned for New Orleans, right?

During Mardi Gras.

If they thought that Katrina was bad, wait til that crowd comes to town.

Blogger Andi said...

Hmmm, lets make him have ass sex with Tim Hardaway.

Blogger miss kendra said...

someone should make it rain at my house, and forget those "athletic" fools.

Blogger afromabq said...

was in vegas this past weekend and not once, but 3 times, bartenders told us how awful that weekend was for them. also heard that more rapes occured that weekend than in a whole year there.

Blogger Nick said...

PacMan Jones and about 90% of the NBA are representative of the role models that today's youth have to look up to.

That's just fucking great.

Blogger Hal I. Burton said...

you like it in the butt don't you? DON'T YOU?!? You pinko facists. Go pick some cotton!

Blogger wmy said...

Soooooooooo...what can I say that your other commenters have not said...I hate Ann Coulter!!! hahahahahahahahahahahahah
Just wanted to get your mind back where it belonged Todd!! kisses!!

Blogger yournamehere said...

vast,
the Saturday before I left town I was on the strip and the police presence was as high as I had ever seen it; in other words, I actually saw a few cops. But that was a normal weekend in June, not NBA All Star weekend.

brooke,
I'm an underpaid, undereducated scumbag.

johnny,
start watching college basketball. They're only punks in training.

tracy,
I was an asshole in college when my student loan check came in. I started referring to myself in the third person. "Todd will be supersizing his McDonald's today."

john,
she fucked the music right out of that dude.

princess,
you DON'T steal back the money rain.

nick,
please get started on your new goal post haste. I'm not getting any younger, man.

flounder,
there's already talk of moving it. They should move it overseas. The Bloods and Crips can't get passports.

andi,
and sell the tape to pay for the shooting victims.

kendra,
I could make it rain at your house. Oh, you mean with money. No, sorry...

afromabq,
I guess rape is all about keeping it real.

nick,
I blame the internets. Oh, wait...

hal,
you make reasonable arguments.

wmy,
everyone hates Ann Coulter. Even Jesus.

Blogger Steph said...

Once you throw money, that's it. It's gone. What kind of a fucker doesn't get that??
I hope those stippers kicked him in the balls for his efforts too.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

What a lovely world.

Blogger DogGirl said...

Look at the guy, he's the poster child for Down's Syndrome. Whaddaya expect? It was probably Monopoly money the coach has been foolin' him wit' any way.

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