I'll admit it, I miss Ol' Dirty Bastard. If you're honest, you do too. Ol' Dirty was a non-stop party, man.
ODB was a complex dude. He was a crack addict who had about a million brushes with the law, but he also pulled a four year old girl from the wreckage of a car following an accident (witnesses say he organized a dozen onlookers to help lift the car and free the girl). He was born Russell Jones but went by the names Ol' Dirty Bastard, Big Baby Jesus, Dirt McGirt, Freeloading Rusty, Osirus, and the Professor, among others.
Oh, and he had thirteen children (that he knew about) from a variety of women. A few times, he was thrown in jail for not paying child support. Normally, I'm against deadbeat dads, but what did these ladies think would happen when they had a child/children with a guy named Ol' Dirty Bastard? I wasn't surprised when my former girlfriend, Ol' Skanky Ho, slept with all my friends and gave me pubic lice. I rolled the dice, baby.
My favorite Ol' Dirty Bastard story was when he rode a limo, with the MTV cameras following him, to pick up his welfare check. That was a fucking riot. He had an album on the charts at the time. Yes, I'm against welfare fraud and all that, but funny is funny.
Ol' Dirty Bastard died in 2004 and the world has been a little less dirty ever since. It's still full of bastards, though.
14 Comments:
Also, this post changed my life.
I saw Wu Tang live in Lawrence in 2002. Actually the 4 year anniversary of that show if this Friday. It was amazing and the only bad thing that can be said about it was that ODB was in jail at the time.
But Method Man poured out some Grey Goose for him and then handed me the bottle to pass around. (I was right up front) It was awesome, but I probably contracted some sort of viral infection from drinking after Method Man.
RIP Big Baby Jesus.
Also, I totally want to have sex with you now, Nick.
I miss ODB. Sure I do.
It isn't often someone pulls up to the welfare office in a limo...I picked up a welfare check in an Acura once, but that isn't the same.
The welfare cheque thing totally redeemed him in my eyes after dueting with Mariah Carey.
I loved the stuff he did with Mariah Carey....AND I'M NOT ASHAMED!!
Here's one for me, and one for my dead homey.
Peace.
Oh, and I love how Nick still thinks that it's 2006. Either that or he's a complete dumbass that thinks 2002 + 4 = 2007.
I'm down with ODB, yeah you know - me
I don't know what to say.
Bring on the next one.
He angelic voice was as soft as the smell of decay wafting off of the homeless guy asking me if I could give him $3 this morning.
brooke,
you've dated more than one young dirty bastard.
nick,
you are the streetest guy in Kansas.
tits,
ODB is buried in my backyard. Wanna have sex with me?
molly,
I own an Acura older than the cast of High School Musical, so I feel your pain.
tracy,
Flava is a pale substitute.
princess,
cheque? That is ADORABLE!
la dolce,
I'm not ashamed that I really like your cleavage-showing profile pic.
vast,
downtown Vegas is like an ODB interactive museum.
flounder,
don't use ODB's death to excuse your problem drinking. That's my move.
rowena,
are you shaking your ass as you sing that?
ubie,
it's already done. Anything for you.
john,
what? You got no love for Death Row?
cincy,
three dollars? You have some high-falutin' homeless in Atlanta.
kendra,
have you had thirteen children out of wedlock?
I was wondering how many people would point out my flawed math. My guess was 3, but it was only 2. However, I correctly guessed who they would be.
Huh. I seriously didn't know that cheque was the Canadian version of American check.
You really can spot me from a mile away, can't you?
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