I'll admit it, I have nothing. Can't you tell from the past three posts that I have absolutely nothing to write about?
So, ask me a question. All of you, even you lurkers. What do want to know about me or the universe in general? I've done this before and it was a lot of fun. I don't have as many readers now, but this still could be interesting.
I'll answer your questions in the comments.
Thanks in advance for your begrudging participation.
So, ask me a question. All of you, even you lurkers. What do want to know about me or the universe in general? I've done this before and it was a lot of fun. I don't have as many readers now, but this still could be interesting.
I'll answer your questions in the comments.
Thanks in advance for your begrudging participation.
62 Comments:
1. What is your shoe size?
2. Cake or death?
3. How many hobos have you murdered?
hulkster,
shoe size: fourteen
cake or death? Death. No, I'll have cake...
They were already dead inside.
Would you ever consider moving again?
kat,
not for a few years. I'm moved out, and I like Louisville.
I think you should move to Australia.
Your sarcastic style is our national dish.
You can serve it 24/7 and get along just fine.
Tom
PS so, when are you coming over?
I've already asked if I could have your baby. I'm thinking I was totally rejected.
Who is your favorite person ever who used to live in Vegas but now lives in Seattle!?
mess asks "When are you coming to Australia?"
I'd like to visit someday. Aren't Australian girls just total babes?
ddl says "I've already asked if I could have your baby. I'm thinking I was totally rejected."
Oh, no you weren't. Let's start making those babies, babe.
la dolce asks "Who is your favorite person ever who used to live in Vegas but now lives in Seattle?"
Well, the answer is obvious: Ralph Messinger, who used to clean the shitters at Sunset Station, but moved to Seattle in 2005.
Not really. It's you, silly. I hope you're having a great time in Seattle!
1. With whom was the best kiss you ever experienced?
2. If you could pick one food to eat for the rest of your life, and only that one food, what would it be?
3. What have I got in my pocket?
Are you the one secretly voting for Sanjaya?
Have you ever had a reach-around in the produce section at the Krogers - giggity!
What is the most disgusting thing you've ever seen.
Most embarassing moment.
Bacon or sausage?
Favourite movie.
What would you do if you won ten million dollars tomorrow?
I have more of a statement:
I hate Elton John.
How come you don't have as many readers as you used to?
Where is my pink sock? The one with the silver stars on it. Kthanxbye.
If I were only 3hrs and 49mins away from you and I was starving to death, would you come and take me to Sonic?
Ginger or Mary Ann?
Levi's or Wrangler's?
Coke or Pepsi?
David Lee or Sammy?
is it ok if i coat my body in canola oil and roll around naked in your intestines after i disembowel you?
Why does Crystal scare me?
and why does Elton John just freak me out?
You just lost your hand while working on a farm in a horrible accident with a wheat thresher, is Jessica Alba still the hottest woman alive?
Why doesn't Flounder visit my blog anymore? Or update his OWN blog anymore?
Flounder face, I love you.
Flounder face, I need you.
Where is my flounder face?
mle asks
"With whom was the best kiss you ever experienced?"
A few years I went on a date with a girl I met on match.com. Our first kiss, at the end of the date, was AMAZING. I only had one more date with her, I really didn't have strong feelings for her at all, but she was the best kisser ever.
"If you could pick one food to eat for the rest of your life, and only that one food, what would it be?"
It would be pizza from Impellizeri's. It's that good.
"What have I got in my pocket?"
Since your pants are on fire, I'm hoping it's an extinguisher.
Tracy asks "Are you the one secretly voting for Sanjaya?"
Is that the gay kid who can't sing who's on American Idol? Is he any worse than Clay Aiken or Taylor Hicks?
"Have you ever had a reach-around in the produce section at the Krogers - giggity!"
No, but I got a handjob at Winn-Dixie.
"What is the most disgusting thing you've ever seen?"
The Godzilla remake from the late nineties.
Princess pointful asks "Most embarassing moment?"
In high school I had to show up every day, even though I was fat and socially awkward.
"Bacon or sausage?"
It depends. Bacon by itself, but Italian sausage made on the premises is perfect on pizza.
"What would you do if you won ten million dollars tomorrow?"
Quit my job, buy a condo here in Louisville and one on or near the Vegas strip. Buy my mom a winter home in the warm climate of her choice. New car. A celebratory meal at an expensive restaurant.
ubermilf says, rather than asks, "I hate Elton John."
Goodbye Yellow Brick Road is pretty good.
Brooke rather cruelly asks "How come you don't have as many readers as you used to?"
I'm trying to think of way to blame you, Brooke, but I can't. I guess because I'm out of ideas and my blog isn't as good as it used to be.
Steph asks "Where is my pink sock? The one with the silver stars on it?"
Well, the Urban Dictionary defines Pink Sock thusly:
Slang term for prolapse rectum, or anal prolapse, a medical condition in which the colon is turned inside out and may protude out the anus.
I hope that isn't what you're talking about.
jo asks "If I were only 3hrs and 49mins away from you and I was starving to death, would you come and take me to Sonic?"
Sure, but there would have to be something in it for me. And by "something" I mean "sex".
flounder asks
"Ginger or Mary Ann?"
Mary Ann. Have you had her coconut creme pie?
"Levi's or Wrangler's?"
Neither, really. I like Old Navy for jeans.
"Coke or Pepsi?"
Coke. Pepsi is swill.
"David Lee or Sammy?"
David Lee.
crystal asks "is it ok if i coat my body in canola oil and roll around naked in your intestines after i disembowel you?"
Hell yes. My insides are gonna score.
diedre asks "Why does Crystal scare me?"
Because she's insane.
"Why does Elton John freak me out?"
Because he dresses like Elton John.
ubermilf asks "Why doesn't Flounder visit my blog anymore? Or update his OWN blog anymore?"
Only Flounder knows that answer.
I think I'm going to go around and call out people who don't visit this blog anymore.
have you missed me?
will you be thrilled when i return to work on monday?
Thanks, now i have Goodbye Yellow Brick Road stuck in my head.
kendra asks "Have you missed me?"
Yes, of course I've missed you.
"will you be thrilled when i return to work on monday?"
I hate to see anyone have to go back to work, but I will be thrilled to chat with you again.
wow i'm impressed with all the questions our blogreaders have left. i'm kinda jealous.
so my questions are... what's your real first name? how old are you? and if you could have any super power, which one would you choose?
Why aren't you making out with me right now?
When you come to Australia, will you sleep with me?
Ask you anything, huh?
Why do I only get groped by dirty old men?
On a similar note, am I the only person in the world who's had a midgets hunch my kneecaps?
And is it weird that I like French fries but hate tater tots?
If you can buy jeans at old navy you are not fat.
kate asks "What is your real first name?"
Todd. That's what they call me, anyway.
"How old are you?"
Honey, I'm not only over the hill, I'm down in the valley.
"if you could have any super power, which one would you choose?"
I would choose the power to magically seduce women. If I ever get that power I'm coming to see you.
Tits McGee asks "Why aren't you making out with me right now?"
Well, probably because God doesn't want me to experience that much joy.
ms. smack asks "When you come to Australia, will you sleep with me?"
YES. YES. YES. If I had the money I'd fly down next weekend.
Melissa asks "Ask you anything, huh?"
Yes. That's the title of this post.
"Why do I only get groped by dirty old men?"
Because by the time I try to grope you it will seem far less objectionable.
"am I the only person in the world who's had a midget hunch my kneecaps?"
No, I used to go to a bar that employed a midget. There was much knee humping as the night progressed.
"is it weird that I like French fries but hate tater tots?"
No, they are indeed two separate food entities. I find tater tots delicious, but far be it from me to question the tastes of a woman I plan to grope in the near future.
nick states "If you can buy jeans at Old Navy you are not fat."
Well, I wish that were true. I buy my jeans online, where they have some extended sizes. Even if I lost weight I'd have to, because they wouldn't be long enough.
I have pulp in my urine. Is that normal?
sysm asks "I have pulp in my urine. Is that normal?"
It is if you eat a lot of tree bark.
why don't you allow anonymous comments. I hate signing in.
Also, what's so great about Louisville? and why did you move from Vegas?
Is there anything in life that can't be made better by adding gravy or hushpuppies, and if so, what is it and why?
Cottonmouths: Shoot, chop or use a rock? (Sorry, flamethrowers aren't an option)
Your .22 rifle: Single shot, bolt action or semi-auto?
Bonus points for having an "Ultimate" 10/22 or knowing what that is.
Thanks, Zzakk
I LOVE YOUR COMMENTERS!
So all those missing socks over the years are in my prolapsed intestine? I'm not sure how I feel about that.
So all those missing socks are in my prolapsed intestine? I'm not sure how I feel about that yet.
vast asks "For the love of Christ, why don't you tell the story we got from Will Bird?"
I will one of these days.
Rhian Carnated asks "why don't you allow anonymous comments?"
Because a lot of anonymous commentors are gutless cowards. If someone wants to take a swipe at me they're going to have to take the time to create a google account first.
"What's so great about Louisville?"
I'm not a member of the Chamber of Commerce. I'm here because most of my friends and family are here. The four a.m. bar closing time is a plus, though.
"Why did you leave Las Vegas?"
Read my blog when it was called viva las vegass. It's basically a written account of my descent into madness.
"Is there anything in life that can't be made better by adding gravy or hushpuppies, and if so, what is it and why?"
I knew a girl who gave great blowjobs, but when I tried to eat hushpuppies while she was blowing me, she took great offense. That is the only instance I know of.
"Cottonmouths: Shoot, chop or use a rock?"
There aren't any cottonmouths in Louisville, but I asked my cousin from the mountains and he said "Rock".
"Your .22 rifle: Single shot, bolt action or semi-auto?"
I don't own a gun. The cousin says "semi-auto."
ms smack says "I love your commenters."
Me too, but you're the one who offered sex when I visit Australia, so you are the commenter of the week.
The Mortgage Chick and doggirl ask essentially the same question, so I'm assuming they're both the same person, who is hot, by the way...
"So all those missing socks over the years are in my prolapsed intestine?"
Yes. I would be happy to help you retrieve them.
If you could be born again as any living thing, what would it be and why?
Do you ever think about my nipples?How about now?
Finally, canned vegetables: discuss.
p.s. Fill in the blank:
If I could just have one more ___ .
spinning girl asks "If you could be born again as any living thing, what would it be and why?"
I'd want to be your next boyfriend. Don't worry, I'll be much better looking than I am now.
"Do you ever think about my nipples?How about now?"
There's a wing of my oceanside mansion dedicated to folk-art renderings of your nipples.
"canned vegetables: discuss."
An utter abomination. End of discussion.
"Fill in the blank: If I could have just one more______"
Ronco cordless ashtray.
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