Monday, April 23, 2007
Under the bridge downtown...

This past Saturday I spent the entire day on the riverfront for THUNDER OVER LOUISVILLE, North America's largest air show and fireworks display. It was also the largest display of people wearing tank tops who really, really shouldn't have been. At times it was as painful as watching OJ Simpson do a karaoke version of "I Used to Love Her (But I Had to Kill Her)".

My friend Matt took this picture of Miss Thunder, next to a tree she was getting ready to shit upon. Later in the afternoon she donned her ceremonial crown of Bud Light bottle caps and a spiffy fried-dough scepter.

The afternoon and early evening included an air show, complete with more Armed Forces propaganda than you could shake the military-industrial complex at.

"Ladies and Gentlemen," a booming, disembodied voice bellows, "please direct your attention to the east, where our Z28 Bomber is entering downtown air space. The Z28 was used extensively in Operation Kill Brown People, and can blow the taint off a fleeing civilian from over two miles away."

Okay, I'll admit that some of the planes were cool looking, but once one jet has buzzed overhead, they all pretty much have, so I decided to walk around. With an estimated crowd of over 800,000, I had a lot of humanity to wade through, so naturally I saw a lot of women who looked good in the meager garb they were wearing. However, I really only like ogling girls at over-21 events; it weeds out the jailbait.

Eventually, I went to a nearby brewpub and had a good beer instead of the watery swill they were selling for a thousand dollars a cup at the riverfront. Then I headed back to our spot near the Kennedy Bridge to watch the fireworks.

My cynicism ends here. It's fucking impressive to be that close to North America's largest fireworks display. Even so, I'll probably never go again, because on the way home I got caught in North America's largest traffic jam. Worst of all, I had to poop. Getting stuck in traffic is bad enough, but when you have to shit so bad you have a dark brown taste in your mouth, it's god damn intolerable.


12 Comments:

Blogger brookelina said...

Suck it Neptune!

Blogger Tracy said...

i've made that trip from hell, racing thru lights, kicking the dogs out of the way as you run thru the door....man, no fun at all.

ps. I'm glad that wasn't a picture of Ms. Kansas.

Blogger katarina said...

I'm so jealous. You do stuff. I don't do stuff.

And just so you know, I don't wear tank tops.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

hi

Blogger Johnny Yen said...

They do the air and water show here in Chicago every August. Years ago, my folks lived in a highrise near downtown and the lake. One year my now-ex and I watched the show from their high rise, and I discovered, to my horror, that they fly the planes right between the high rises. I was thinking of that when the Blue Angels plane crashed the other day. The law of averages is going to break the wrong way one of these years.

In Chicago, I think they hide the ugly people for these events. Or maybe I'm just not looking hard enough.

Blogger miss kendra said...

i'm going to pretend i didn't read that last part so we can still be friends.

:)

Blogger MsHellion said...

Miss Thunder kinda looks like you in drag, Big T.

Blogger Nick said...

Oh like Miss Kendra has never talked about poop before.

Why in God's name would you go hang out with .8 million people? That sounds absolutely awful.

Blogger Tracy said...

Johnny, i agree completely because when i was young and single, we'd see PILOTS & assorted other military getting absolutely shitfaced in the evenings during that hot August weekend. did you see it the year they buzzed Wrigley Field and damn near gave the Entire Cubs team and fans en masse a shit hemmorrhage?

Blogger Blonde said...

I just peed myself laughing at that post...cheers to another ringer!

Philly is the city of guys that wear muscle shirts but none of them have muscles. I don't get that epedemic either. That and why one would wear Timberlands with shorts...

Blogger pentimental said...

I thought that was a picture of David Lee Roth.

Blogger katrocket said...

ha! funny post, though "touching cloth" is rarely funny when it happens to you.

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