Sunday, April 22, 2007
Waving the white flag of surrender
This past Friday I walked into the men's room at work and saw floating in the toilet a turd the size of a canned ham; and one square of toilet paper.

The plumbing in that building is abysmal. Sometimes extra thick urine can cause a major clog. There was no way this bowel brick was going down without a fight, and I was in no mood to wade through dookie stew when the toilet overflowed.

So I did what any disinterested employee would do on a Friday afternoon: I hung an Out of Order sign on the door and quickly slipped away.


Blogger Cincysundevil said...

You took the honorable way out, sir!! No human being (short of Sean Hannity or Bill O'Reilly) should clean out ass bricks.

Blogger miss kendra said...

dear lord.

Blogger Melissa said...

Take comfort in the fact that no one fingerpainted with the ass brick before you discovered it.

Blogger Me said...

I tagged you for a thinking blogger's award. Congratulations/Condolences, however you see it!

Blogger yournamehere said...

I didn't realize Hannity and O'Reilly were human beings.

Great Beard of Zeus!

thank god for that. I would have burned the building down.

I think it's funny that the announcement of my "Thinking Blogger's Award" nomination comes after a post about finding a big turd.

But thanks anyway.

Blogger brookelina said...

Dookie stew!

Blogger brookelina said...

Suck it Neptune!

Blogger katarina said...

Who uses one square of toilet paper?!?

Blogger Tracy said...

I worked in a small office and one afternoon i went into the ladies room (a one-seater) after the Owners wife, a Kenilworth, IL ($$$$) living, giant diamond and expensive taste having old bag. Lo what should i find but a giant skid mark on the seat.

How does one smear poo and not SEE it?? Wouldn't having skidmarks in your drawers give you the itchies? My co-workers and i had to ponder this for hours as we tried desperately to avoid the bathroom.

yeah, guess who broke down and found bleach spray and paper towels.

An image of Bill Murray eating a dookie candy bar came unbidden into my mind.

I just wanted to use "unbidden" in a sentence.

Blogger Steph said...

People who take a shit at work should be fired immediately!!

Theres a time and place for that and it aint at work.
Hold on or die! That's my motto.

Blogger yellowdart said...

Ive also been confronted the horror of a workplace bathroom. The terrible part is we employees have to share it with the public...the worst expirience I ever had was when I was tasked to clean the womens room and found what I believed to be menstrual blood all over the toilet seat. I told my boss there was no way in hell I was going to come anywhere near that soup of monthly nastyness, and that from there on out I wasnt ever going to clean the womens room again. 3 months strong and going!

Take that middle management!!!

ps: you were totally right about the roller derby, it kicked ass! i ended up winning a $200 gift cert to a tattoo shop...Go me!

Blogger Cold Hands said...


Blogger Johnny Yen said...

One sheet? This guy was obviously listening to Sheryl Crow:

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