Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Things I Probably Shouldn't Say
-Michael Vick announced during his "apology" that he found Jesus. I guess Jesus was hiding under a pile of dead dogs.

-I know someone who thinks Dane Cook should be killed. I'll go a step further and recommend the execution of his fanbase. His collection of myspace friends should double as the FBI's Most Wanted List. At the very least we should make them fight our next unnecessary war.

-I heard that Ann Coulter used to do a Donkey Show in Tijuana. She was fired when the donkey complained "Dude, I'm stirring paint out there."

-Yesterday in Louisville, a man ran out of a bank, were he had held hostages for hours, and pointed a weapon at police, who promptly shot him eleven times. The weapon turned out to be an air rifle. All together now: "You'll shoot your eye out, kid."

-Paul McCartney's latest single is so bad I think they need to let Mark David Chapman out of jail.


17 Comments:

Blogger The Stormin Mormon said...

Moron coming out of the bank deserved that shit.

Blogger Übermilf said...

Paul McCartney was next on my list anyways.

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

Can we get Chapman to take out Coulter too? Thank you.

Stirring paint... you, sir, are the KING.

The dude with the air rifle did what a lot of suicides do. My guess is that was his plan all along. Get the cops to do what you just can't bring yourself to do.

"Mmmff, MMmccff Vmmmf, MMMFY? That's little Baby Jesus asking "Why, Michael Vick, WHY?" while under a pile of dead fight dogs.

Blogger miss kendra said...

the michael vick jokes are really good.

you're gifted, sir.

Blogger la dolce said...

lol

Blogger Dale said...

You should say those things over and over and louder.

Blogger Nick said...

I'm surprised I didn't make the list. You one trick pony, you.

-

Seriously though, this shit is hilarious.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

You slay me, baby.

Blogger Nick said...

The fun thing to do where MV is concerned is to ring the "BS" bell during that ridiculous speach. It'll make you go deaf.

Wars are NEVER unnecessary, sir.

Ann Coulter played bass in that show and she rocked the house!

Really, does ANYONE care what happened yesterday in LOUISVILLE?

Paul McCarney is kinda old, is he not? This would be like ME trying to record a song.

Blogger Cold Hands said...

I always found my Jesus under a pile of dead dogs... it's our thing. Hide and seek with a twist.

God the Nick right above this comment is annoying - hasn't that restraining order come through yet?

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

the first one = genius.

Blogger April said...

And I came by here thinking/hoping you'd have some comment about this.

Blogger Übermilf said...

I don't think you should every say anything, ever.

Strong emotions make people uncomfortable, and they are scary.

If you have to express yourself, I think you should talk about how you like peach pie, or how you found a pair of cute shoes that fit well.

Blogger Johnny Yen said...

Why is it that they only find Jesus after they're convicted?

I'd heard the PETA intervened in the Donkey Show escapade. Cruelty to animals.

Blogger Sysm said...

i found jesus.

it was behind the dresser.

Blogger Steph said...

Funny how everyone finds Jebus when they arrested. The Christians have their recruitment all wrong.

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