As Americans, we are truly a country divided. But there is one thing that unites the vast majority of us: A deep-seeded hatred of the New York Yankee baseball team.
Unless you live in New York, or are an expatriate escaping like a coward to warmer climes, you hate the fucking Yankees.* Black, white, Republican, Democrat, gay, straight; it's truly a melting pot of abject loathing.
Right now there's a lawyer in Boston hoping Derek Jeter gets the clap from the latest coke-addled model he's banging. At the same time, a stripper in Atlanta laughs out loud when she hears through the starfucker grapevine that steroid use has left Jason Giambi impotent and hung like a tater tot. Two people with absolutely nothing else in common are unknowingly brought together by good ol' fashioned sports hatred.
Hell, I think Ben Affleck is one of the worst actors of this or any generation, but two things will forever keep him off of my Shovel Justice list: He's famous for being a generous tipper; and he hates the New York Yankees with an intensity that's borderline insane. If he could channel just a small percentage of that passion to his acting, he'd make Robert Deniro look like Vin Diesel.
Even in Chicago, Cubs fans might think of White Sox fans as a bunch of "shirtless-father-and-son-duo-wannabe yokels" and Sox fans might think the North Siders are all "pinky-extended latte sippers", but I'm fairly certain they hate the Yankees more than they hate each other. I read in an article that Chicagoans don't like shopping at Macy's because it's too identifiable with New York City, so they have to hate the god damn Yankees.
*Of course some people with zero ties to New York are Yankee fans. These punks are soulless frontrunners and should never be employed, befriended, or sexed up.