Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Christmas Abomination Part Two
Remember yesterday when I said CD covers rarely angered me? Well, I'm eating some Southern-fried crow right about now, because this really pisses me off.

I think the picture was taken by the same meth-addled photographer who snapped Larry the Cable Guy's mug. "Yeah, I had Larry put a Santa hat over his dirty camouflage baseball cap, so I'll have you put a Santa hat over your poseury Stetson. Damn, I'm good. I'm the Ansel Adams of shit."

Okay, first of all the dude is wearing a blouse. It's a woman's blouse from the Hoedown Collection at Lane Bryant. And he's posing the way a D-minus theatre student poses for his senior picture.

And of course, worst of all, he's Toby Fucking Keith. I don't understand why Toby is doing a Christmas album, because there isn't a tragedy to exploit here. How can he incorporate his ignorant jingoism into Deck the Halls? Whose ass will he emptily threaten to kick? Will he blame the absence of a white Christmas on the Dixie Chicks? Can you even say "...boot up their ass..." in a Christmas song? Does he own that blouse in several different colors?

Also, I'm guessing that Toby Keith fans are also, for the most part, Larry the Cable Guy fans. The two go together like chocolate and peanut butter, and when I say "like chocolate and peanut butter" I mean "like human feces and partially digested corn." How are they going to afford BOTH CDs? A lot of folks will be cooking with the off-brand economy lard this holiday season.


21 Comments:

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

I'm dreaming of a white trash Christmas...

Blogger Übermilf said...

I'm thinking he doesn't sing any song with "Peace on Earth, good will toward men" in it.

Why does he always have a look on his face like he just smelled a rancid fart?

Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

Let me guess...

"Stocking up your ass"?

Blogger Nick said...

Toby Keith is fucking awesome, y'all.

Blogger flounder mcgee said...

Hey, at least it is better than Christmas CD's by Neil Diamond and Barbara Streisand.

There is nothing more insulting to me as a Christian than Jews exploiting the birth of Christ to make a few bucks.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

Don't you fucking dare claim my surname and then post a comment as inexcusably hateful as that one, Flounder.

What about all the Christians exploiting the birth of Christ to make a few bucks? Like, pretty much the entire fucking industry that produces all the fucking cheap-ass googaws and Christy bullshit you Christians tramp your houses up with every fucking Christmas.

That offends me a hell of a lot more than people who don't believe Jesus was the son of god making a few bucks off of the consumerist orgy that his birthday has become.

You knocked this one out of the park.

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

Thank you, Tits. My brain still seems to be in shock after reading that comment, but you stated things perfectly.

Blogger Nick said...

The birth of who, now?

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

Jesus Christ, you know, that nice Jewish boy from Bethlehem.

Blogger flounder mcgee said...

First off, I agree that Christmas has become a "consumerist orgy", and there seems to be more and more every year that bothers me about the holidays.

But I have to ask, why do you consider it hateful for me to take offense at this consumerism AND outright hypocrisy?

Todd pointed out that he was troubled by Larry the Cable Guy and Toby Keith producing Christmas CDs, presumably because nobody in their right mind would associate them with Christmas (other than their families, of course).

Well, when I think of Christmas, I certainly don't think of my Jewish brethren because Jews don't celebrate Christmas anymore than I celebrate Hanakkuh.

And I am sure that many Jews would be equally offended if CeCe Winans or Casting Crowns released a CD with Hava Nagila and other Hebrew favorites just in time for Yom Kippur.

And yes, my best friend Ari is Jewish.

Blogger kris said...

I can't stand this guy. He's lower on the pole than Rod Stewart. And that's saying something.

Blogger GiveEmHellHarry said...

So, let me get this straight. Hate speech against Jews is bad but hate speech against Christians is okay? Can't pronounce hypocrite without a little hippy!

Blogger Lauren said...

This post is pure brilliance.

Hypocrisy is a stern taskmaster.

Blogger Übermilf said...

Once again, Toby Keith spreads hatred and discord.

Blogger Übermilf said...

For the record, I believe that I have every right to "tramp up my house" with "Christy-ness" on a Christian holiday. Not only is it a religious observance for me, but it also provides a bright and cheery respite from the cold and darkness in the Northern Hemisphere this time of year.

I also believe that people of one faith have a perfect right to find the songs of another faith pretty and/or inspiring, and record them.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

Okay, okay, so I probably should have taken a few deep breaths before posting my comment.

I apologize for referring to Christmas decor as "Christy bullshit" and for any offense taken by those who enjoy a big helping of the holiday spirit. Myself, I tramp up my house year-round by virtue of my residence therein, but I of course wouldn't deny the right of any homeowner to tramp up his or her home in whatever way he or she sees fit, at any time of the year. My objection is to the commodification of the holiday, not to its celebration.

Let's not forget though, Flounder, that your religion is far and away the dominant one in our culture. I fail to see hypocrisy in the choice of a Jewish singer to record an album of Christmas songs - we're pretty much all of us forced to celebrate Christmas, after all. Everything shuts down for it, we're inundated with the songs and decorations for the six weeks proceeding the holiday. A lot of the songs are pretty - why not sing them, even if you're not a Christian? Besides, there are plenty of non-religious Christmas songs out there, no?

I doubt very much that any of the Jews I know would take offense at a Christian recording artist recording an album of Hebrew songs, and I guarantee you that none of them would be singing Hava Nagila (meaning "Let Us Rejoice") at Yom Kippur - a day of atonement and the most solemn of the high holy days.

I'm also pretty sure Jesus would be less offended by Barbra Streisand singing "Away in a Manger" than he would be by finding that the observance of his birth has become a festival of consumerism.

Blogger Übermilf said...

I understood what you were trying to say, Tits.

And I think "majority" has everything to do with it.

If the number of Christians and say, Jains or something were reversed, I'm betting the Jain holidays would be overcommercialized and shoved down our throats. Especially if gifts were involved.

Please don't let the hateful attitudes of some people in a nationality, race or religion cause you to become angry toward all members of the group. For your own sanity, if nothing else.

Blogger Tracy said...

And then there's Festivus for the rest of us....

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