Thursday, November 15, 2007
Does charity end at work?

The holiday season is just around the corner, because the Salvation Army has released their bell ringers to stand in front of our party store for eight hours a day.

Obviously, the Salvation Army does wonderful things, but they have in two short days burdened us with "employees" who are less than stellar.

I realize that a job standing outside in crappy weather isn't going to attract college graduates, or for that matter people who've never sucked a stranger's dick for crack, but these two guys were worse than I could have imagined. As a cashier supervisor I have enough dim-witted, drug-addled people to deal with without having more brought in from the outside.

The first day their bell ringer stood outside and chastised our customers. According to several accounts, he yelled "Oh, you can go in there and buy liquor but you can't give to the Salvation Army?"

Yeah, that's great for business. People just love to be shamed. Our store manager went out and told the guy his services would no longer be needed. Then the shamer came in and asked me for an application. By law, I had to give him one.

The next day they sent a different derelict. This man smelled like a combination of rancid luncheon meat and Beelzebub's urine, and had exactly 1/2 a tooth in his mouth. He came in, immediately disappeared to the bathroom for forty-five minutes, went outside and rang his bell for about an hour, then came in and announced "I don't want to stand out there. It's too cold."

It was about fifty degrees yesterday. This guy is no Sir Edmund Hillary.

He called the Salvation Army to come pick him up. And he waited. For hours. Outside. Without collecting any money!!! Occasionally he'd come in to use the bathroom, but he had to ask for directions EVERY SINGLE TIME.

I'm going to start selling flowers by the interstate.


Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

Here, I found an application for you.

It could have been worse, the guy could have smelled like that yeasty chick at Have A Nice Day Cafe. I'd rather smell rancid luch meat and demonic piss than that shit.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

You'd look pretty selling flowers.

Blogger flounder said...

I'm offended by bells. Actually, I just really hate the Carol of the Bells.

Blogger Übermilf said...

My mom's name is Carol. You hate my mom, Flounder?

Blogger Nick said...

Well, she did make your face, so he has a reasonable argument.

I so so hope you win something from NaBloMoPo. It would be a refreshing change from all the play mommyblogging gets. If there's any way to nominate you for anything, I would.

Blogger miss kendra said...

you can sell flowers AND oranges. that way you can meet all the people's side of freeway needs.

you'd be a monopoly.

Blogger Übermilf said...

My face is beautiful.

This is so funny in such a sad way

Blogger Nick said...

Big Daddy Kane called, he wants his wife's maiden name back.

Blogger Rachel Schell said...

1/2 a tooth! ahahahaha!!

I feel a little ashamed that I find this so funny.

Blogger Christine said...

My God. I love you.

Blogger Hot Lemon said...

hey, now that I think about it, I haven't seen anyone in an actual UNIFORM ringin' that bell in nigh on 20 years. Maybe they're makin' folk ring th' bell for soup??

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