Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Really, Facebook?
Yesterday I was quite horrified to see a Facebook Poll entitled Should Michael Jackson Get His Own National Holiday? This is the only time I want to be rich; when it would be therapeutic to smash my computer into a million pieces and just go out and buy another one.

How did this poll come to be? Someone please explain. Is there a Facebook Committee that chooses polls or can anyone create one out of thin air? I don't understand why someone not affiliated with a political candidate would ever create a poll; and there are far too many polls on Facebook. I don't need to know the opinion of every random dickwit on the internet. Did asparagus achieve a plurality over broccoli in the Which Vegetable Gives You Gas That Would Kill a Midget poll? Shemp or Larry for Gayest Stooge? It's all a click away on Facebook.

Let's get back to the ridiculous question at hand regarding a national holiday for Michael Jackson. Most national holidays are for groups (martyred vets, laborers) or ideas (giving thanks, celebrating freedom). Only three individuals have national holidays: Jesus Christ, Martin Luther King, and the Easter Bunny. Does Michael Jackson deserve to be the fourth?

Let's pretend for a second that all of the molestation charges against MJ were 100% false, that he paid his accusers tens of millions of dollars because he was so god damn charitable. Let's also assume he never dangled his baby over a balcony, even though the incident was filmed.

Here is Michael Jackson's resume for national holiday status:

-As a child he made bubblegum music with his family.

-In the late seventies he released Off the Wall, a fairly solid disco record. No one has listened to a disco record outside of a retro nightclub since at least 1980.

-Then there's Thriller, in my opinion the most overrated album of all time. Someone about ten years my junior dismissed my anti-Thriller sentiment with "You're too old to understand." Horseshit. I was in high school when Thriller came out. I lived through the musical deification of MJ's disposable dance-pop. If anything, my friend was too young.

When I cast my vote (hey, just because I think something's stupid doesn't mean I can't participate) 90% agreed with me that MJ doesn't deserve a national holiday, so my faith in mankind... Ah, who am I kidding? My faith in mankind was irreparably destroyed years ago.


Blogger foundinidaho said...

Hell, I loved MJ's music and I WOULDN'T VOTE FOR IT. So there.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

There's magic attached to the Thriller album that makes people lose their minds.

The Queen of England knighted "Sir" Paul McCartney, who collaborated on the Thriller abominations "Say Say Say" and "The Girl is Mine."

Maybe it's the devil.

Blogger Vache Folle said...

Whoever reckons Jacko merits a holiday should prtend that St Michael's Day (Sept 29)refers to Michael Jackson. They can use it as their floating holiday.

Blogger Johnny Yen said...

I got that one too. Surely they jest.

By the way, has anyone told Paul McCartney that the girl is his?

people make me sick. I, like you, lost my faith in humanity 15 years ago.

Blogger Ambitious Blonde said...

I too have lost my faith in humanity.

My most recent Facebook poll was "Sarah Palin for president in 2012?" I answered "Fuck no to infinity and beyond. Then double that."

Blogger Professor Chaos said...

So I'm not the only one that thought "Thriller" kinda sucked? Billie Jean is a decent pop song, but after that, there's nothing on that album that wouldn't make me change the station.

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