Friday, May 13, 2011
I go FJM on Republican Quotes
You know the drill, those of you who still read this. I'm going to respond to some dumb ass Repub quotes in the style of a blog that was smart enough to stop while they were ahead.

"The idea that carbon dioxide is a carcinogen that is harmful to our environment is almost comical." - Rep. John Boehner

This sounds like the fuckshackled rantings of a methed-out loony, doesn't it? Well, John Boehner is the fucking SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE. He's in the line of succession. I'm not going to refute this weepy cuntwad with a scientific study proving he's an idiot, just as I wouldn't waste my time arguing with someone who says getting shot in the head won't hurt a bit.
''I'm ashamed of what happened in the White House yesterday. I think it is a tragedy in the first proportion that a private corporation can be subjected to what I would characterize as a shakedown -- in this case a $20 billion shakedown ... I'm only speaking for myself. I'm not speaking for anyone else, but I apologize." - Rep. Joe Barton

Another of our distinguished public servants, this time referring to a $20 billion fine levied against BP for destroying the Gulf Coast with their greed and carelessness. Oh, and in the time it takes Joe Barton to clean the jizz off his jowls after servicing an oil exec, BP has made the $20 billion back.

''The feminist agenda is not about equal rights for women. It is about a socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians.'' - Pat Robertson

An oldie but retardie from Pat. I'm not going to be polite here: Fuck your soul, Pat! You have the moral authority of a child molester. You are a slurry-brained hillbilly who makes millions from robbing the old and ignorant of their life savings. I hope there is a hell, just so you can spend eternity being torn apart by demons, you squinty-eyed false prophet.

''Guess what? Faisal Shahzad (failed Times Square car bomber) is a registered Democrat. I wonder if his SUV had an Obama sticker on it.'' - Rush Limbaugh

Well, surprise, this statement is a lie. The crazy bastard wasn't registered to vote. Maybe Rush was too fucked up on illegal prescription drugs he bought from his illegal housekeeper to fact check that day. Besides, Rush, we liberals are all pansy-ass environmentalists, remember? None of us drive SUVs. It's a shame when Rush Limbaugh's outright lies don't coincide with his easy, brain-dead stereotypes.

''When I see a 9/11 victim family on television, or whatever, I'm just like, 'Oh shut up'. I'm so sick of them because they're always complaining.'' - Glenn Beck

Keep in mind Glenn Beck said this in 2005, when his hero George W. was President. I'm guessing if a 9/11 "victim family" was on television now, complaining about Obama, Beck wouldn't be so sick of them. Of course, what would they have to complain about? "I didn't like the way Obama authorized a successful takedown of the man who killed my loved one"? Not gonna happen.

Oh, and you cry like a bitch at the drop of a hat, Beck. You make millions from complaining. Go fuck your overinflated sense of self worth in its blowhole.

''If ObamaCare passes, that free insurance card that's in people's pockets is gonna be as worthless as a Confederate dollar after the war between the states -- the Great War of Yankee Aggression.'' -Rep. Paul Broun

You know, there's nothing wrong with Southern Pride when it applies to "We make some damn fine Grits", but still defending slave ownership? Still defending the traitorous act of taking up arms against the United States? Again, this isn't some moonshine runner holed up in a ramshackle aluminum hut; this is a United States Congressman. Sad and pathetic.

''We used to hustle over the border for health care we received in Canada. And I think now, isn't that ironic?'' - Sarah Palin

"Ironic" isn't the word I'd use, no. I can't believe Sarah would jeopardize her precious family by subjecting them to universal health care. What if the "death squads" had decided that she and Bristol were too fucking vapid to live? 

''The greatest threat to America is not necessarily a recession or even another terrorist attack. The greatest threat to America is a liberal media bias.''- Rep. Lamar Smith

I can see Lamar being interviewed after someone blows up the Sears Tower: "Yeah, that's terrible and all, but the real tragedy is that Brian Williams votes Democrat."

''I believe we have more to fear from the potential of that (health care) bill passing than we do from any terrorist right now in any country.''- Rep. Virginia Foxx

I can see Virginia being interviewed after someone destroys downtown Los Angeles: "Yeah, that's terrible and all, but the real tragedy is that poor children are getting medicine."

"I'm more of a man than any liberal." - Ann Coulter

I can't argue with this. She has giant man hands, an Adam's apple to rival Clint Eastwood's, and I'm guessing she's hung like Dirk Diggler.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with your assessment of Coulter's hands and Adam's apple, but I've always thought of her as having more of a pencil dick.

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