Friday, November 25, 2005
I ate at Fatburger on Thanksgiving Day
Before anyone feels sorry for me or thinks this is going to be another of my godforsaken "woe is me" posts, rest assured I had a full Thanksgiving dinner in the presence of family and friends, more or less. That said, I did have a Fatburger yesterday around 1pm. At noon I was typing up my Thanksgiving post when my brother called and said we were going to go to our friend's fiancee's parent's house around 4 and probably wouldn't eat until 6. I was starving at the time, so I published my post and headed to the Green Valley Ranch casino for a good ol' Fatburger. That was the best tasting burger I've ever had; and the only time I've ever had a Fatburger while sober. I decided that since this was going to be the only day until Christmas Eve that I'm off my diet, I might as well really pig out. My only disappointment was that Juan the World's Gayest HispanicTM (yes, he had that title copyrighted) wasn't working. He's a god-damn hoot. He's showboatingly flamboyant and refers to himself in the third person. "Juan shall now prepare your milkshake."

I wasn't fond of spending Thanksgiving at a stranger's house. There wasn't the ludicrous consumption of alcohol that marked my first few turkey days in this city, and when the Cowboys' place kicker missed a chip-shot field goal I couldn't call him a "palsy-legged cockbobber" like I really wanted to. Also, even though her dad was cool, the mom seemed put-out that we were there.

The turkey was moist and delicious, but the side dishes were bland. That's what I get from being from a part of the country where people season foods that they cook. Someone needs to buy this woman a spice rack for Christmas.

While I was at the casino, I walked past the line for the Thanksgiving Buffet and heard an employee tell people it was at least a two hour wait from where they stood. Holy shit, that's a lot of non-cooking fucks standing there. There are probably at least two generations of Americans who can't cook for shit, so it all made sense to me.

I miss being home for Thanksgiving. It could have been worse, though. I could have been one of the guys working at Fatburger on the holiday.


Oh, and as predicted, working on Friday sucked a big, fat, wart-encrusted donkey cock. Everyone have a great weekend. I'm off until Monday.


31 Comments:

Blogger MoDigli said...

Sounds like your fatburger was probably seasoned better than those sidedishes! Jeeeez, that's a sad statement. Working on Black Friday has to be THE WORST! Ugh. I feel for ya, Todd.

Also, I can't believe I'm first to comment!!! Then again, maybe this means I'm a total loser to be commenting on blogs on a friday night during a holiday weekend!

Blogger Nick said...

I find that people respond well to the truth. They may not want to hear it but at least they'll respect you for having the balls to say it. That being said I would have called the Cowboy's kicker a palsy-legged cockbobber, in front of God and everyone.

Blogger Egan said...

Were the shelves stocked appropriately at the home improvement stores? I'm a sucker and bought a drill from Lowe's today because ours recently died. Enjoy your time off.

I have never had a Fatburger. I hear the milkshakes are fanfreakingtastic though. Good shakes are enough to get me in the door.

Blogger Dan-E said...

fatburgers are just awesome, especially if you get the kingburger with cheese, bacon and a fried egg. i'm not even kidding about the egg. they're second only to in 'n out's double doubles.

i miss the left coast

Blogger Blonde said...

I've never had Fatburger, so you can take me there when we are drunk :).

I would rather have spent my Thanksgiving with strangers. I swear every time I am around my family that they are Punk'ding me. There is no way these people are for real AND related to me.

Have a fabulous weekend!

Blogger yournamehere said...

mo,
I'm the loser, because I'm answering comments on a Friday night during a holiday weekend.

nick,
oh, I should have, for he is truly a gimp-footed cunticle.

egan,
I encourage everyone to shop at Lowe's. Boycott Home Depot.

dan,
right now the only things I like about this town are In n out and fatburger, and I'm on a diet, so I can't eat at either one of them.

blonde,
I'm sorry you didn't have a better Thanksgiving. We'll definitely go to Fatburger.

Blogger Nick said...

Fuck the Home Depot to death!

I'm included in the generation that can't cook for shit. :)

Blogger Egan said...

Care to expand on the Home Depot boycott? I just want your take, and maybe Nick's too. Lowe's is right down the street from me so we tend to go there more often. Do you rep for Lowe's?

Blogger Nick said...

My reasons for loathing The Home Depot are more personal than anything.

You may see for yourself, Egan. Here, here and here.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

That second post is how I found Nick in the first place.

I hit the "next blog" button, read about his harrowing experience, and fell in love forever.

that post also contains my first comment to Nick, ever.

Blogger yournamehere said...

shaken,
except for baking those pies, I can't could anything. The very idea of trying to fix a turkey makes me laugh.

Blogger yournamehere said...

egan and nick,
actually, I rep for Home Depot, which is why I hate the place. They treat their employees like shit, and now they're trying to do the same to the vendors.

I began this job working M-F, 6am-2:30pm. Now Home Depot forces us to work Wednesdays from 12:30pm-9pm; but I'm still expected to be at another store at 6am the next day.

How does Home Depot "force" us to work certain hours when they don't officially employ us? By extortion and threats to the various companies that do employ us, as in "If you don't play along, we won't renew your contract." All of the vendor groups do whatever Home Depot says.

Home Depot is truly the Wal-Mart of home improvement. The reason my position exists? About a year ago Home Depot said to all of the companies who carry products in their stores, "We're going to start having in store service reps for your products, and you're going to pay for it. If not, we won't carry your product." The companies pay extortion money to Home Depot, Home Depot pays a percentage of that to the vendor companies, and they take a miniscule piece of that and pay us.

So, that's why I dislike Home Depot.

Blogger yournamehere said...

ubie,
I noticed from my archives you commented on my blog back in May, but not again until a few months later.

I really don't have a point to that. Uh, have a great weekend, Ubie.

Blogger wmy said...

Yummy nummy fatburgers, Sounds like a great meal to me! I can picture the health guru's hyperventilating over just the thought of a fatburger...shut up you skinny bitches, I am trying to eat!

Blogger wmy said...

BTW todd, How do you feel about the whole Burger King vs Mcdonalds thing? Are you a flame-broiled kind of guy?

Blogger digitalcowgirl said...

I had Italian by myself. It was great. Much better than the salt-laden dishes of last year. Or the year before when the paramedics had to be called. Or the year before that where I was the only English-speaking person...
I'd take a FatBurger T-Giving anyday, too.

Blogger Rachel said...

I would have enjoyed Fatburger with you over my family any day of the week.

Hope your weekend away is a good one. Miss you!

Blogger Crystal said...

Todd, I admit I LOVE Home Depot, actually I was just there today looking at X-mas trees. I get all my plants from there and was eyeing those orchids today. Hope your holiday rocked, have a great weekend (what's left of it)!

Blogger yournamehere said...

wmy,
thanks to Fatburger and In-n-Out, I never have to darken the doors of McDonald's or Burger King, but I guess I prefer McDonald's for their fries and the Big Mac.

digital,
Italian by yourself? I have to have turkey and the trimmings on Thanksgiving. If I was somewhere without fam and friends, I would find a restaurant that serves Thanksgiving dinner and eat there.

rachel,
well, I'm answering these, so I'm not technically "away". I just don't want to post for a day or two. I'm sorry you don't have a better time at the holidays. If you happen to be near Louisville, Ky on Christmas, let me know.

crystal,
Go to Lowe's instead. They have the same stuff with much better customer service.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

I've never had a Fatburger.

Blogger yournamehere said...

pants,
what? You're not drunk again, are you? That's another reason to come back to Vegas. There's a Fatburger right on the strip.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

Surprisingly, I'm not drunk! I think there's a Fatburger nearby, but I have a hard time not running for In-n-Out when I want a burger.

Blogger yournamehere said...

I like in-n-out much better, but they aren't: Open 24 hours, located in casinos, open on Thanksgiving. I like to be sober when eating in-n-out so I can savor each bite. Gee, the way I obsess over food it's hard to believe I'm a big fattie.

Blogger Brookelina said...

When I come to visit you are taking me to Fatburger.

Blogger Egan said...

Todd, thanks for explaining that. I see those vendor reps all the time and don't see them in Lowe's. Hilti, Carrier, and others have the reps. Seems like Best Buy is doing the same thing as Home Depot. We have some good friends that work for a company, Team Marketing, that essentially performs the same function as you. Or from what I can tell. I have also heard lots of Home Depot dollars go to the Republicans. I do like the self-service checkouts though because talking with humans is overrated.

Blogger yournamehere said...

brooke,
I consider that a binding contract that you will visit me in the next six months.

egan,
All of the employees of Home Depot hate the place. It's actually quite funny.

Blogger WunEyedDog said...

Word to the bizzare Thanksgiving. I spent the day asleep (I worked Wednesday night until 7am), packing, and eating a breakfast dinner at Cracker Barrel. No boozing for me. Ah well.

I can't cook much, but I can cook some stuff. I actually cooked dinner tonight for the first time in a while. Until I got married I was cooking a bit, but my wife is such a good cook I don't do shit anymore.

You'd think they could come up with a more appealing name than FATburger. That just reminds me of the effect it would have on my ass.

Blogger yournamehere said...

wun,
I miss Cracker Barrell. Did you have my favorite of their breakfasts, Uncle Fucker's Plowman's Platter?

andi,
I appreciate the truth-in-advertising.

Blogger WunEyedDog said...

Todd, that's fucking hilarious. I did in fact have Uncle Fucker's Plowmans Platter. Although, my brother-in-law put me to shame and ate himself completely sick.

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