(Update at end of post)
"Where I come from isn't all that great
My automobile is a piece of crap
My fashion sense is a little whack
And my friends are just as screwy as me
I didn't go to boarding school
Preppy girls didn't talk to me
Why should they, I ain't nobody
Got nothin' in my pocket..."
Rivers Cuomo, get out of my head!
These lyrics are about me, damn it. I should receive royalties for this shit. I really don't know why I allow myself to date. I just shouldn't do it. I should continue my regimen of masturbation and strip club visits (I've been to a strip club three times in the past year, so my routine leans heavily in favor of the former). All of my dates eventually lead to bitter disappointment and/or heartache; if not sooner, then later. And I wonder how many women I've driven to nunnerys over the years? Even if it's just one, that's pretty sad.
I'm too old for these fucking games. I'm too bitter and tired to audition myself to women so they can evaluate me with their mental checklists. I've had it with the dog and pony show that is dating. And maybe it shows while I'm on the dates or even when I'm being bombarded with questions on the phone before she decides if she'll HONOR ME with her fucking presence on a date. A woman I met on an online dating service said to me, "I've never met anyone our age who hasn't been married before."
What? What rural hilljill community did she come from? I SO wanted to say to her, "Well, you're divorced, so at least one guy on earth thinks you're a total cunt" but I didn't BECAUSE I DON'T THINK THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH BEING DIVORCED; just like normal people don't think there's anything wrong with being middle-aged and single. Despite my overwhelming misgivings, we agreed to meet for coffee on Saturday afternoon at a Starbucks to be determined later.
On Wednesday, I called her and at her insistence picked a Starbucks at which to meet. I was going to ask her what time would be convenient when suddenly she said, "I'm at Wal-Mart. I'll call you right back." She didn't call back, so that fact, combined with her disinterested tone of voice during our conversation, led me to believe she didn't want to meet for coffee.
She finally calls back on Saturday and leaves a message. I guess I was supposed to put my life on hold till she decided to call back? I ignored the call. Then she sends me an angry email which reads "What happened to you?"
So now I'm the villain? Fuck that! You know what happened to me? I answered an email from a crazy person and agreed to meet her for coffee, that's what the motherfuck happened to me. I hope she sneezes and her tits fall off.
I did go out Saturday night and the lady said she had a great time, but she hasn't answered my phone call as of yet. It's a little too early to tell, but I have a bad feeling about this one too.
So basically, I'm sitting in the angry chair and it's making my ass hurt.
I'm posting early because I'm meeting a friend for a nice non-date.
UPDATE: I received an email from the lady I went out with Saturday night. She said there was another man she went out with who she wants to pursue things with. I appreciate the honesty, but it doesn't heal the bitter sting of rejection. Yeah, so I'm pretty much a hermit now, content to die alone, as is my destiny.
"Where I come from isn't all that great
My automobile is a piece of crap
My fashion sense is a little whack
And my friends are just as screwy as me
I didn't go to boarding school
Preppy girls didn't talk to me
Why should they, I ain't nobody
Got nothin' in my pocket..."
Rivers Cuomo, get out of my head!
These lyrics are about me, damn it. I should receive royalties for this shit. I really don't know why I allow myself to date. I just shouldn't do it. I should continue my regimen of masturbation and strip club visits (I've been to a strip club three times in the past year, so my routine leans heavily in favor of the former). All of my dates eventually lead to bitter disappointment and/or heartache; if not sooner, then later. And I wonder how many women I've driven to nunnerys over the years? Even if it's just one, that's pretty sad.
I'm too old for these fucking games. I'm too bitter and tired to audition myself to women so they can evaluate me with their mental checklists. I've had it with the dog and pony show that is dating. And maybe it shows while I'm on the dates or even when I'm being bombarded with questions on the phone before she decides if she'll HONOR ME with her fucking presence on a date. A woman I met on an online dating service said to me, "I've never met anyone our age who hasn't been married before."
What? What rural hilljill community did she come from? I SO wanted to say to her, "Well, you're divorced, so at least one guy on earth thinks you're a total cunt" but I didn't BECAUSE I DON'T THINK THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH BEING DIVORCED; just like normal people don't think there's anything wrong with being middle-aged and single. Despite my overwhelming misgivings, we agreed to meet for coffee on Saturday afternoon at a Starbucks to be determined later.
On Wednesday, I called her and at her insistence picked a Starbucks at which to meet. I was going to ask her what time would be convenient when suddenly she said, "I'm at Wal-Mart. I'll call you right back." She didn't call back, so that fact, combined with her disinterested tone of voice during our conversation, led me to believe she didn't want to meet for coffee.
She finally calls back on Saturday and leaves a message. I guess I was supposed to put my life on hold till she decided to call back? I ignored the call. Then she sends me an angry email which reads "What happened to you?"
So now I'm the villain? Fuck that! You know what happened to me? I answered an email from a crazy person and agreed to meet her for coffee, that's what the motherfuck happened to me. I hope she sneezes and her tits fall off.
I did go out Saturday night and the lady said she had a great time, but she hasn't answered my phone call as of yet. It's a little too early to tell, but I have a bad feeling about this one too.
So basically, I'm sitting in the angry chair and it's making my ass hurt.
I'm posting early because I'm meeting a friend for a nice non-date.
UPDATE: I received an email from the lady I went out with Saturday night. She said there was another man she went out with who she wants to pursue things with. I appreciate the honesty, but it doesn't heal the bitter sting of rejection. Yeah, so I'm pretty much a hermit now, content to die alone, as is my destiny.
19 Comments:
order yourself a russian bride.
then, in a few years when she's all mean and ugly and spent, divorce her and order a new one.
I actually have a friend who just divorced his Russian bride, so I'm sure she's looking for that emergency marriage/green card bit right now. Just in case you're interested....
Todd, I am speechless man. This is when I am happy I am a married person. I know there are good people out there because look at all the people that read your blog. We're nice. It will happen when you least expect it.
Hope you have a good nice non-date.
Amen brother. Dating blows big bouncing beef bollocks. Oh, and go for Thai bride over Russian. At least they'll cook better food.
Life is unfair and many women are stupid.
If it's any consolation, they probably wouldn't get any of your jokes anyway.
Start taking your dates to strip clubs, that would be a nice ice breaker on the first date.
You should have checked her off of your list when she said "I am at Walmart". That and the fact that she sounds bipolar was enough to eliminate her.
You are fabulous! Please don't judge yourself based on women like her.
BTW, I will be in Vegas from 5/4-5/8 and we will catch up then. Drinks and dinner are on me ;).
You should date nicer people... then dating would be more fun ;-)
As for the update. Send her a link to the Blonde's website. Tell her that you have decided to persue things with the Blonde.
Sorry for the rough time, but that woman was a loon. Forget her. My buddy must've gone on a hundred Internet dates before he finally met the one.
Hey hon, I agree with both Trix and Claudia. Sorry that sucked, or that there was no sucking going on.
Call me, we'll talk.
This is why I am going to spend the rest of my life using men for sex.
what is wrong with people today? is it so much to ask that people are at least nice? i would have gone to starbucks with that lady just so i could sit there and be mean to her. what a bitch. lets rally and kick her ass.
i do think that some of this may be due to the fact you live in vegass. not that i'm ripping on it, cause look where i live, but there is much more value placed on how much money you make and what you look like there, than here.
not that you are going to move or anything, but not everyone is that mean.
I'll be first, Brooke.
I dated fat chicks and never had a problem. All they require is that you have hair, teeth, and a job.
Even two out of three works for some...
;-)
I don't know what "your age" is, but many people have concentrated on their careers first and then have come to relationships later in life. That bitch sounded like she was a loon anyway, so you are much better off without her to begin with.
Your blog truly showcases your sense of humor. I am sure there is a good woman out there who will "get" both it and you, probably when you least expect it. I finally had given up, at the age of 38, because I was soooooo fucking tired of the bullshit out there, and along came my husband, who quite literally ran into me - LMAO. Eight years later and we are still going strong!! Don't despair yet sugar!!!!
Hey etaylor... back off and get in line there ;-)
Todd, dating is a horrible thing. It's not you. It's everyone else.
I heart you immensely.
Egan, I thought your comment was totally condescending and prickish...then I saw your name under it and thought ". . . Egan?"
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