Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Apparently, I'm Hill Folk

Last night I was talking to a new friend of mine from Chicago, and the conversation was going fairly well...until she more or less told me I talk like a hillbilly.

There are people in Louisville who have much more pronounced accents than mine, but she wasn't talking to any of them. Everything I said, no matter how witty and urbane, registered in her ears as the cornpone mumblings of Jethro Bodine with a mouthful of grits.

This isn't the first time this has happened to me. A very nice blogger from Los Angeles implied that my voice was straight out of a lost episode of Hee Haw. When I lived in Las Vegas I was often treated like someone who just enjoyed coitus with his sister.

All of this has led me to do a serious amount of soul searching. I've come to the conclusion that there isn't anything I can do, short of adopting a phony non-regional accent, to quell the judgments regarding my sophistication or lack thereof.

And I'm embracing it. There's moonshine fermenting in the breezeway as we speak, y'all; as far as you know. I'll be regaling you folks with tales from the coal mine, the general store, the swimmin' hole down past the main road, the Dairy Queen where the girl with the cleft palate works, the Jiffy Lube that takes chickens as payment, and Cousin Merl's Bait Shop and Christian Bookstore. Yeeehah!!!

Well, maybe not. Perhaps I'll purchase a voice modification device for my phone, one that'll give me the rich flowing baritone of a professional newsreader. I'm not giving up my bourbon or fried fish sandwiches, though. No matter what.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Are you fixin up some tasty vittles to go with that moonshine?

As much as it sucks that most of the world thinks that all we do is eat fried chicken and square dance, it could be worse. Some areas of the country produce accents so abrasive to my eardrums that I actually want to physically harm people with them.

Why are people shocked when we tell them that we have never even seen a farm? God Damned COPS reruns!

Oh, and hey you bastard, return my phone calls!

Blogger Mone said...

Giving up bourbon could be dangerous to your health!
Dont give a fuck what others thinking, stay who you are.

Blogger EEK! said...

Why does it surprise people when they discover you have an accent? Everyone has an accent of some kind. Only the extremely provincial think the way they speak is the standard.

I've had people exclaim over my relatively mild KY accent. Which admittedly fades to New Jersey depending on the company I'm keeping. But yeah, growing up in Western Kentucky and living in Louisville for ten years isn't going to make me sound anything like an Appalachian. More's the pity, too, 'cause they've got wicked cool accents.

Blogger Melissa said...

Personally, I love, love, love Southern accents.
Maybe you'll find peace in the fact that a woman from Colorado looked me dead in the eye and said "You know who you sound like? The lady in "Fargo!.
My soul died a little bit that day.

I DID NOT say that. I said you sounded "Southern." I like regional accents, actually. I even like Boston accents these days, so there you go.

We don't all need to speak like a newscaster. I have the edges of an Indian accent and what's worse than that?

Blogger StephTexas1976 said...

hey now.... I didnt think you had a hideous accent..... of course I'm Texan so perhaps my opinion doesnt count on this one?

Vast, he doesnt call people any more, its his new thing. ;)

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Southern accents are awesome. Comfort yourself with the knowledge that most women DO love the accent.

Blogger Nick said...

Aww... how cute, you're a southern belle.

Blogger Nick said...

This is not the first time someone has misread an accent.

Once, I was talking to Miss Knit when she was in Australia, and unbeknownst to me she had a friend present. She later told me that her friend thought I sounded "hot". I swear to god the name Johnny Depp was thrown around.

So you see, it's easy to make a mistake.

Blogger miss kendra said...

who said these things about you????

most of the time people think i sound canadian, or maybe minnesotan (is that a word?) but i'm from boston.

so, i guess "aboot" is better than "hahvahd."

Blogger miss kendra said...

also, nick's comment sounds hot.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just yesterday someone told me that i too sound like "Fargo"

Oh yah shur.

Blogger sonrisa morena said...

hmmm? i haven't talked to you but i'm pretty sure you have a super fucken sexy accent ;-)

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

I think you should sing everything, like an opera singer.

Blogger Ms Smack said...

hahahahah hilarious. Thanks!

Blogger Housekeeper said...

You're such a tease, now I wanna hear you speak.

Blogger Mike said...

You are who you are, and you talk as you talk. Don't change a thing.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

from boston and people think you sound canadian? that's crrrazy.

it's too bad you didn't come up to canada prior to 2000. back in the day i remember all my girlfriends thinking southern accents were the shit. these days, however, it just reminds us all of george bush which causes a mixed effect of feeling fear, vomitting in ones mouth a little and then running away.

i'm sure you have a lovely accent though ;-)

Blogger Rachel said...

Don't you dare, you have a great voice.


Blogger Brookelina said...

I pick up the accent of whoever I am talking to. I'll be a hillbilly within five minutes of talking to you.

Blogger Dawn said...

Instead of The Hills are Alive with the Sound of Music....

It is now The Hills are Alive with the Sound of Hill Folk. ;0

I've been living in California since 1982 and every now and then a few people will ask me where I am from because they can detect a slight accent. When I tell them West Virginia, the conversation dies. lol oh well.

Blogger Monkey said...

If you don't sit down and write a book, I'm going to slap you. That said...

When I lived in Lexington, everyone said I sounded like a Yankee. When I moved back to Maine four years later, everyone up here said I sounded Southern.

Like Housekeeper, I now have a craving to hear you speak, intone or sing Opera.

Blogger Dr. Chingasa said...

The first time I talked to Ms Helion over the phone I thought she sounded like a yokel. I can;t hear it now unless we get her around Fairdale and she starts cussing.

Do you guys notice my Texan accent?

Hmm, knowing you talk like a hick makes me like you even more, Todd. And I didn't even know that was possible. I have quite the pronounced Texas accent, so others' accents give me warm fuzzies.

Blogger miss kendra said...

are you ok? where are you?

Blogger yournamehere said...

yeah, I'm making some Shut the Hell Up casserole. Just kidding. Love ya.

I know what you mean with the abrasive accents. And a lot of those people are douchebags to boot.

If I gave up bourbon it would be dangerous to everyone else's health.

"Only the extremely provincial think the way they speak is the standard." Hey, I think that might be the answer to this question. People crack me up.

if I ever talk to you, I'll exaggerate my accent, since I know you like it.

monkey mc,
I know you didn't. I just wanted a reaction. And there isn't anything wrong with having the "edges" of an Indian accent.

you don't have much of an accent at all. Does the corporate world take the accent out of you?

it does me no good here in Louisville, where everyone has an accent.

I'm getting the vapors from my anger at that comment.

Depp played Edward Scissorhands, so anything is possible.

I won't tell who said it because I don't want her to incur your wrath.


Blogger yournamehere said...

what kind of a douchebag would say a horrible thing like that?

oh, I do. Or I can pretend to.

didn't Adam Sandler already do that?

ms smack,
you're welcome.

it really isn't that big a deal. I had conversations with Claudia and Shannon and they never made any comments one way or the other. Of course, living in Vegas one hears a variety of accents.

I changed a few things when I went to college so people wouldn't think I was retarded, but other than that...

George Bush is the only man on earth with that exact accent, the "I'm trying too hard to sound Southern even though I was born in Connecticut" accent.

thank you. So do you. It makes me all tingly.

you are a chameleonlinquist.

tell them you're from Eastern Europe, then make them buy you vodka.

isn't Lexington a pit stain?

dr c,
the more you drink, the more of an accent you have.
I think Ms Hellion has the same accent she did when I met her. You're just used to it.

I would love to give you multiple warm fuzzies.

okay, but uninspired.

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

Man, it sucks to be judged.

Darn tootin', it does.

Blogger Spinning Girl said...

I just read everyone else's comments. I, too, have been accused of being Minnesotan.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Toddipoo, i'd feed you Fried Fish and Bourbon anytime!


Blogger Nick said...

Todd, you old carpet bagger.

Blogger Monkey said...

Lexington is indeed, a pit stain.

I actually lived in a town of 200 called Athens. Pronounced AY-THNS.

Blogger Knitty Kitty said...

Happy Thanksgiving!

Blogger poet1b said...

I'm from Illinois, and our accent isn't much different than yours. I have been living in CA for over twenty years now, and my accent still fades in and out, but my mother, In Illinois, thinks I have a CA accent. Personally, I'm proud of my accent, gives me flavor, and women who will like you, will think you accents adds to you, and most people seem to like it. As for pretentios morons who want to prove any detection of an accent proves they are intellectually superior than you, few things are more satisfying than intellectually shredding some dimwit who cops an attitude such as this.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

I heart regional accents.

Hubby's Boston accent gets wicked thick when he's with his family. Or drunk. It's cute.

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