Friday, November 24, 2006
A god damn shame


I have seen the worst website on earth that doesn't involve snuff films or child pornography. It is www.petsinuniform.com

Quite simply, a pathetic person sends his/her pet photo to these charlatans and they send back an image of the animal in full military costume.

Please, if you have enough money to pay for this bizarre service, mail the cash instead to a worthy charity. Then kill yourself.

This is about a gazillion kinds of wrong. It could lead to awkward moments at family gatherings:

Grizzled uncle: "Oh, that uniform your hamster is pictured in? I was wearing one just like that when I had my legs blown off."

Clueless tramp: "Doesn't Mr. Squiggles look precious?"

I guess this is what our military men and women have been fighting for all of these generations; so vile scavengers of human stupidity can profit from such an empty endeavor.

"Well, my dog didn't exactly storm the beach at Normandy as much as he scampered upon it."

Imagine a soldier coming home from three duties in Iraq to see a photo of the family feline wearing his uniform.

"Do you like the picture of Morris, honey?"

"Yeah. He kind of reminds me of that Roberts kid before he got shot in the face."

STOP IT! JUST STOP IT!



18 Comments:

Blogger Jen said...

Hey..Just delurking to say you never fail to crack me up..You're fucking hilarious! :)

You did have to pick the picture of the cat dressed up as the Montclaire Man.....a good choice!

Why are people so god damned obsessed about their pets? There's a pet clothing boutique on every corner here in Vegas. I saw one the other day called "Millionaire Pets." What makes me sick is that the people who shop at these places care more about their pets than actual human beings. To quote your O.J. blog, "This is the motherfucking end of civilization as we know it."

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I put sweaters on my pugs. If they could have ripped out my jugular, i'm sure they would have. Those sweaters went back to the store and man, I won't make that mistake again.

Blogger Nick said...

Ms. Kendra will probably castrate you for this.

Blogger Brookelina said...

And Spinning Girl is going to have a stroke.

Blogger miss kendra said...

someone is getting paid for this? i could have done this same thing even when i only had MSpaint, and i could for sure do it now that i have the photoshops.

i'm not sure what nick is trying to say, but i would like to point out that paying someone else to pretend dress up my pets would be ridiculous when i have a sewing machine and a camera right here.

Blogger Monkey said...

I love Miss Kendra. Oh yes I do.

Blogger Rachel said...

It's okay to love your pets, just don't love your pets.


Love you though!

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

I'd send a picture of the Bush twins and have them put into uniform for once in their useless, pathetic lives.

Blogger Sysm said...

I, for one, am sick and tired of seeing animal genitalia. If you can't put them in uniform, at least put them in underwear. Or unitards.

Blogger katie schwartz said...

ok. that. is so wrong on every level, I can't even begin to tell you. it's so taxidermy creepy.

Blogger Melissa said...

The cat picture is going to give me nightmares. People pay actual money for those?

Blogger katarina said...

I can't even look at that picture. Kill me.

Blogger Steph said...

People who dress up their pets are just wrong, but people who pay others to photoshop their pets into costumes are just fucking retarded.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

I love you.

Blogger yournamehere said...

jen,
thanks for delurking. Come back anytime.

vast,
what about the rich old lady who leaves all her money to her pets? I understand she may have wanted to stiff her money grubbing relatives, but now her estate just goes to the government.

tracy,
the store took the sweaters back? Nice return policy.

nick,
stop trying to cause trouble.

brooke,
she can have several strokes if she buys me dinner.

kendra,
I'm glad you understand I wasn't making fun of all pet owners, just the ones who fall for this.

monkey,
I do too, because she allegedly smells like cookies.

rachel,
the wrong kind of pet love is illegal.

ubermilf,
I'd like to see the Bush twins in Hooter's Girl uniforms.

sysm,
if you can see animal genitalia, you're looking too hard.

katie,
Having a picture made of your pet in uniform is the new having your pet stuffed. I like that.

melissa,
real, hard earned U.S. currency.

kat,
do I really have to kill you?

steph,
that was a nice summary of my thoughts, yes.

Blogger yournamehere said...

tits,
I love you, too. I always love tits.

Blogger DogGirl said...

That should be a Nazi uniform. Fucking cats.

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