Thursday, November 23, 2006
Thanksgiving Ramblings

I think it's cruel to outfit the turkey with a miniature pilgrim hat before chopping his head off with an axe, but cake is good. Everyone likes cake.

-This year, since my brother and sister-in-law are still in Vegas and my aunt and uncle are in Florida, my mom, my cousin and I went to the fabulous Claudia Sander's Dinner House in Shelbyville, KY to eat their Thanksgiving Buffet. Someone said they were going to serve 2,000 people today. And you think you have dishes to clean.

-Since my brother doesn't have a blog, I'm going to tell the story of his worst Thanksgiving experience. One year he had just taken a job in Ohio; he was new to town and didn't know a soul. Since he had to work late on Wednesday and early on Friday, coming home for Thanksgiving wasn't much of an option.

He ended up eating Thanksgiving dinner, alone, at a Ponderosa "steakhouse" in Chillicothe, Ohio. He lived in nearby Waverly, Ohio, but all of the restaurants there were closed, so he had to drive to dine in such opulence. For those unfamiliar with the Ponderosa chain, it's a discount steak place not exactly known for turkey and all the fixin's.

In my brother's words: "The desperation in the restaurant was thick, my friend. I would have committed suicide, but I couldn't slit my wrist with the provided plastic spork." I'm sure he's having a better time today.

-Last Thanksgiving I ate lunch at a Fatburger in the Green Valley Ranch casino. I blogged about it and everything.

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. I hope no matter where life has you this year, you're spending Thanksgiving with people who care about you.

UPDATE: Perhaps I spoke too soon. I just got off the phone with my brother. The turkey he pre-ordered from Von's Supermarket was rancid when he cut into it, so he's spending Thanksgiving afternoon driving around Vegas looking for a bird that won't kill everyone who eats it.


Blogger Nick said...

I'm beginning to hate Tony Romo's constantly smiling ass. He's like a retarded kid at the fair. Stop smiling, you're not playing Co-ed Flag Football.

I just got off the phone with those bastards at Von's. I explained that the thawed turkey I purchased from them smelled remarkably similar to the "hell mouth." They were indifferent, so, in the true spirit of the holidays, I told the manager, "go fuck your hat." Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!!

Happy Thanksgiving, my friend. I'm thankful for sexy bastards like you.


Blogger Steph said...

Happy Thanksgiving!
I wish we had that in Australia. We could use another holiday where the idea is to eat your own body weight in food.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

Dirty Vons!

Blogger Nick said...

Hot Carl

Blogger Brookelina said...

You must be so very very happy now. Even Parcells almost smiled.

Blogger Melissa said...

May a non-pre-diseased bird have graced your brother's table by the time you read this.Cake IS good. Avian flu is not. Happy Thanksgiving, Todd.

Blogger miss kendra said...

that's sad.

Blogger treespotter said...

driving around vegas hunting for birds?


this isn't a thankgiving stuff anymore is it?

Blogger Monkey said...

hell mouth and go fuck your hat

I am thankful that a way with words runs in your wonderful family.

Blogger katie schwartz said...

I love buffets. I am such a buffet whore. was it all you can eat?

Blogger Tits McGee said...

Happy Thanksgiving, sweetie. Come on over to my place for some pie.

Blogger ChiroMum said...

I rarely leave a comment, but read your blog often and wanted to say how envious I am of your Claudia Sander's thanksgiving! Whenever I'm in Shelbyville (about once every year or so), I make a point of going there.

Oh, and "go fuck your hat" is a new classic in my book.

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