I had a day off yesterday, so I took my broke ass to the mall in search of bargains.
The older I get, the less I like to shop; but at least it was nice and air conditioned in there. Off subject, but it was ninety fucking degrees yesterday. The weather is starting to get on my nerves, so I really appreciated the climate control.
Also, I went during the day, so there weren't any teenagers there to annoy me and remind me of my advancing age. The Hot Topix was damn near deserted, and I was secure in the knowledge that every pair of tits I starred at was over eighteen.
So what went wrong? I was solicited (and not in the good way). On at least four separate occasions some vendor appeared out of nowhere and aggressively tried to sell me shit I didn't need. This is not acceptable to me! Take a look at the picture of Mall St. Matthews, located in the eastern suburbs of Louisville, KY. It's certainly not the newest, fanciest mall out there, but neither is it a god damn carnival midway. I don't want my jewelry cleaned, I don't want a public massage from a dude, I don't need a new cell phone plan, and I don't need new gutters. LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! Maybe this sort of behavior passes for quaint in a Third World village, but I just wanted to walk in peace.
The only person who didn't damn near tackle me was the girl at the weight loss kiosk. She didn't have the grapes to do such a thing. Seriously, you have to be one hell of a salesman to tell a fat stranger he needs to lose weight. Or an asshole. Either way, I appreciated her discretion.
While all of this was happening I wanted to register a complaint, but I didn't know how to go about it. Was there a "mall manager" on duty, a guy with a Napoleon complex who'd pretend to listen to my concerns but would later viciously mock me while trying to look cool for a girl from Bath and Body Works?
I guess I'll email corporate.