I was Ponce de Leon the past several days, if Ponce de Leon had been an overweight American. Let me tell you of my discoveries:
-On three separate occasions I found a person who was unable to quickly negotiate an ATM withdraw. I guess the numbers were confusing or they each accidentally chose ESPERANTO as their language option.
-It's a long story, but suffice to say if you've heard one song with bagpipes, you've heard them all.
-The next time I eat Indian food, I'm going to have to sequester myself for at least twenty-four hours.
-There's a dwarf who can bench press 360 pounds. Seriously, I saw him on Inside the NFL. So if you're at a bar and get into a shouting match with a dwarf, buy the little guy a drink and avoid the embarrassment of getting your ass kicked by Gary Coleman's ex understudy.
-Wow. General Petraeus rhymes with "General, Betray Us." Hmmmm.
-Sorry, I just can't get over that dwarf bench pressing 360 pounds. In contrast, last year I ate 360 pounds of guacamole.
-Some eighteen-year-old girl from the Disney Channel had nude pictures posted on the internet. She says she took them for her boyfriend, Zac Efron. If so, where's her penis? Please, Zac Efron is as gay as a bedazzled denim jacket.
-On three separate occasions I found a person who was unable to quickly negotiate an ATM withdraw. I guess the numbers were confusing or they each accidentally chose ESPERANTO as their language option.
-It's a long story, but suffice to say if you've heard one song with bagpipes, you've heard them all.
-The next time I eat Indian food, I'm going to have to sequester myself for at least twenty-four hours.
-There's a dwarf who can bench press 360 pounds. Seriously, I saw him on Inside the NFL. So if you're at a bar and get into a shouting match with a dwarf, buy the little guy a drink and avoid the embarrassment of getting your ass kicked by Gary Coleman's ex understudy.
-Wow. General Petraeus rhymes with "General, Betray Us." Hmmmm.
-Sorry, I just can't get over that dwarf bench pressing 360 pounds. In contrast, last year I ate 360 pounds of guacamole.
-Some eighteen-year-old girl from the Disney Channel had nude pictures posted on the internet. She says she took them for her boyfriend, Zac Efron. If so, where's her penis? Please, Zac Efron is as gay as a bedazzled denim jacket.
9 Comments:
Ya know, at least Disney-Girl didn't flash her overworked, overplucked poonanny climbing in and out of a car.
But that's just my unappreciative opinion.
The ATM thing is at least as widespread as the Disney girl's photos now.
Amen Stormin. If I had unlimited amounts of money, I would take out an ad that said:
Hillary Clinton, Or
Shrill, Bitter Cunt?
Sometimes when I sneeze, I fart.
It's something I discovered, too!
That dwarf is a freak! Is he the eighth dwarf from the Snow White fable?
Lets see, there was sleepy, snoozy and oh yeah, steroidy dwarf.
i like how the big hubub about her pictures is the gay boyfriend/minor bush situation.
tracy,
not yet, she hasn't.
scarlet hip,
well, it is for girls.
dale,
it's the end of days.
stormin',
what ad? Seriously, if you're talking about some left wing ad, NO ONE ever see them until Faux News makes a big fucking deal about them. I'm pretty left wing, and I've NEVER seen a moveon.org ad. Ever.
vast,
what does Hillary Clinton have to do with this? Has Hillary finally replaced Bill as the official right wing scapegoat?
fritz,
so I've heard.
steph,
Steroidy? Ha!
kendra,
ain't nothin' minor about the bush.
"The next time I eat Indian food, I'm going to have to sequester myself for at least twenty-four hours."
It's just like spicy Mexican food, you have to build up a tolerance for it.
I like bagpipes.
And naked girls.
Also, guacamole.
Post a Comment
<< Home