Back in 1994 I was a member of the now-forgotten Generation X, so I was eager to see the movie Reality Bites, starring Winona Ryder (who was great in the best film ever, Heathers ) and that kid from Dead Poet's Society.
The film, like most things in life, was a bitter disappointment. Every single thing about the movie was contrived and annoying. Every character made me wish a serial killer would suddenly be added to the storyline. But the worst thing about this cinematic shitpile was Ethan Hawke's character.
He's an unemployed "artist", a grunge rocker of course, who sits around never washing his hair and spouting painfully hip non sequiturs that are about as funny as Kurt Cobain's suicide note. Then when we, the patronized audience, finally get to see him perform, he's fucking awful!
Despite being a talentless asshole with not one redeeming quality, who just HAS TO smell like sewage (LOOK AT HIM, FOR FUCK'S SAKE!), Winona Ryder chooses him in the end. Why? Because he's better looking than Ben Stiller. Hooray, shallowness.
I'm reminded of this crappy movie because last night, while at a social gathering, I saw a guy who reminded me of Ethan Hawke's character. I even told someone, "That guy thinks he's Ethan Hawke from Reality Bites." And not just his look; it was his attitude as well. He thought he was too good to ever be anywhere. That guy was an insufferable prick in 1994; in 2007, he's a fucking joke.
18 Comments:
I never understood how irresponsibility was sexy.
I prefer grown men.
ethan hawke seems so dirty. i would need to hose him off and delouse him before i would even talk to his assistant.
There's always one isn't there. I detest those "arty" types who think they're above the rest of us.
Go and have a shower and eat a Big Mac you gormless twits!!
I certainly connected with that movie; in college, I lived off the gas station credit card that my dad was paying for a year.
Didn't Ethan Hawke die in front of that night club in Los Angeles? I get all the dirty people mixed up.
Am I the only one who thinks Winona Ryder's fuckability factor shot through the roof after discovering she couldn't stop herself from stealing shit she could easily afford to buy? God I want her.
Wow, this post was relevant 13 years ago.
ubie,
Nick prefers grown men, too.
kendra,
his assistant is a mouth breather.
steph,
now I'm hungry for a Big Mac.
fritz,
I think it was Richard Greico who died in front of the club.
gfk,
it was also hot when she was passed around by every wannabe rocker in Hollywood. That was awesome.
nick,
you were never relevant, so this post is your superior.
I am looking forward to your limited internet availability.
Too mean.
I haver always found W. Rider hot. Ethan Hawke was good in "Training Day" and in that movie with Angelina Jolie.
I have never seen "Reality Bites."
I have added nothing to the conversation. :-O
He's so cheesy, I can't watch him without crackers.
Hey remember when Ethan Hawke got to plow Angelina Jolie in Taking Lives?
When was the last time you plowed Angelina Jolie, Todd?
Unfortunately for you and your little dig, Angelina Jolie happens to be the name of the slow-witted gal who works at the Hardee's near the airport.
So, to answer your question: A few days ago.
Option One: She'd have to be slow witted to let you bed her.
Option Two:She only let's you plow her because she finds your feeble attempts at foreplay extremely amusing.
--
Personally, I think option one is more obvious, so I'm going with number two.
Only option: Your birth was the first and only time you've been near female genitalia.
I think you'll find that your mother disagrees.
Your mom's given more head than a bartender on quarter draft night.
The Dozens? Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The Boy made me watch a movie with Mr Hawke in it over the weekend and I was ready to claw my eyes out, I swear I wanted to. Bah, what a tool.
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