Saturday, September 29, 2007
Reality, once again, bites

Back in 1994 I was a member of the now-forgotten Generation X, so I was eager to see the movie Reality Bites, starring Winona Ryder (who was great in the best film ever, Heathers ) and that kid from Dead Poet's Society.

The film, like most things in life, was a bitter disappointment. Every single thing about the movie was contrived and annoying. Every character made me wish a serial killer would suddenly be added to the storyline. But the worst thing about this cinematic shitpile was Ethan Hawke's character.

He's an unemployed "artist", a grunge rocker of course, who sits around never washing his hair and spouting painfully hip non sequiturs that are about as funny as Kurt Cobain's suicide note. Then when we, the patronized audience, finally get to see him perform, he's fucking awful!

Despite being a talentless asshole with not one redeeming quality, who just HAS TO smell like sewage (LOOK AT HIM, FOR FUCK'S SAKE!), Winona Ryder chooses him in the end. Why? Because he's better looking than Ben Stiller. Hooray, shallowness.

I'm reminded of this crappy movie because last night, while at a social gathering, I saw a guy who reminded me of Ethan Hawke's character. I even told someone, "That guy thinks he's Ethan Hawke from Reality Bites." And not just his look; it was his attitude as well. He thought he was too good to ever be anywhere. That guy was an insufferable prick in 1994; in 2007, he's a fucking joke.


21 Comments:

Blogger Übermilf said...

I never understood how irresponsibility was sexy.

I prefer grown men.

Blogger miss kendra said...

ethan hawke seems so dirty. i would need to hose him off and delouse him before i would even talk to his assistant.

Blogger Steph said...

There's always one isn't there. I detest those "arty" types who think they're above the rest of us.
Go and have a shower and eat a Big Mac you gormless twits!!

Blogger FRITZ said...

I certainly connected with that movie; in college, I lived off the gas station credit card that my dad was paying for a year.

Didn't Ethan Hawke die in front of that night club in Los Angeles? I get all the dirty people mixed up.

Am I the only one who thinks Winona Ryder's fuckability factor shot through the roof after discovering she couldn't stop herself from stealing shit she could easily afford to buy? God I want her.

Blogger Nick said...

Wow, this post was relevant 13 years ago.

Blogger yournamehere said...

ubie,
Nick prefers grown men, too.

kendra,
his assistant is a mouth breather.

steph,
now I'm hungry for a Big Mac.

fritz,
I think it was Richard Greico who died in front of the club.

gfk,
it was also hot when she was passed around by every wannabe rocker in Hollywood. That was awesome.

nick,
you were never relevant, so this post is your superior.

I am looking forward to your limited internet availability.

Blogger Nick said...

Too mean.

Blogger The One and Only A said...

I haver always found W. Rider hot. Ethan Hawke was good in "Training Day" and in that movie with Angelina Jolie.

I have never seen "Reality Bites."

I have added nothing to the conversation. :-O

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

He's so cheesy, I can't watch him without crackers.

Blogger Nick said...

Hey remember when Ethan Hawke got to plow Angelina Jolie in Taking Lives?

When was the last time you plowed Angelina Jolie, Todd?

Blogger yournamehere said...

Unfortunately for you and your little dig, Angelina Jolie happens to be the name of the slow-witted gal who works at the Hardee's near the airport.

So, to answer your question: A few days ago.

Blogger Nick said...

Option One: She'd have to be slow witted to let you bed her.

Option Two:She only let's you plow her because she finds your feeble attempts at foreplay extremely amusing.

--

Personally, I think option one is more obvious, so I'm going with number two.

Blogger yournamehere said...

Only option: Your birth was the first and only time you've been near female genitalia.

Blogger Nick said...

I think you'll find that your mother disagrees.

Blogger yournamehere said...

Your mom's given more head than a bartender on quarter draft night.

Blogger Nick said...

The Dozens? Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

Blogger Kittie Kate said...

Damn!
That movie must have sucked shit. Glad I didn't see it.

By the way, that's a very good review.

Blogger Cold Hands said...

The Boy made me watch a movie with Mr Hawke in it over the weekend and I was ready to claw my eyes out, I swear I wanted to. Bah, what a tool.

Blogger Crystal said...

if i was the violent femmes i would be PISSED. and! it made all the ladies wet. what the hell? that is not reality. not reality at all.

and she did pick him even though ben stiller treated her like a princess. jewish person-hater.

Blogger Kevin said...

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