Wednesday, October 10, 2007
"God Bless America...But Fuck You, Rudy."
Rudy Giuliani, who's running for President in case you haven't heard, sure likes to hang out at Yankee Stadium. In fact, apart from making rubble angels at Ground Zero, his favorite activity seems to be putting on a Yankees cap.

Rudy loves throwing out the first pitch, sitting on the third base line, and getting his picture taken with Yankee greats. He even performed the National Anthem by fucking a hurdy gurdy machine. You can't throw a simple minded jingoistic slogan in that stadium without knocking Rudy's cap off.

Imagine everyone's surprise the other night when Rudy was heartily booed at Yankee Stadium. As is tradition at the stadium, someone sang God Bless America during the seventh inning stretch. When Rudy's image was shown on the big screen, a lot of the crowd stopped singing and started booing.

Rudy Giuliani being booed at Yankee Stadium is like Charlie Sheen being booed at a whorehouse. It just isn't supposed to happen! It's like fat women booing Richard Simmons, or Mexicans booing a statue of the Virgin Mary.

Wow, this is a startling development. Remember in the aftermath of 9/11 when Rudy was known as "America's Mayor"? (By the way, I called America's Mayor's office and complained about a pothole on my street. No response.) Now Rudy is so hated by the Far Right that they're planning a Third Party candidate if he gets the Republican nomination. They don't like his views on abortion and the fact that he's cheated on at least twice as many wives as Bill Clinton. His own children don't even speak to him, for god's sake. And a lot of us are wondering if he can go three minutes without mentioning 9/11 and his highly disputed role in New York's recovery.

Mark my words, when he and Hillary Clinton get their party's respective nominations, it's going to be a fucking bloodbath of negative ads and outright lies coming from both sides. Who knows, the Right Wingers might be able to convince Newt Gingrich to run on their ticket, provided he can stockpile enough infant's blood to give him sustenance through a long campaign. And never rule out egomaniacal lug nut Ralph Nader. He could get his collection of drab suits out of storage to fuck the Democrats in the ass once again.

I'm really not looking forward to it.


Blogger Jo said...

Rudy is definately a big enough twat to make me vote for a Democrat. The ONLY thing he has going for him is the fact that he's a NYY fan.

Blogger Crystal said...

you just made me remember that my mom used to have Sweatin to the Oldies and i spent a whole hour staring at that beta tape to see if his balls may pop out accidentally, but they didn't. i have no idea why i wanted to see richard simmons' balls when i was 9 years old. i am a sick bastard.

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

9/11! Terrorists! Saddam Hussein! Iraq! 9/11! Terrorists! Saddam Hussein! Iraq!

Hey, it worked for Bush.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd like it if a candidate would just be up front and honest for a change.

Yes, I realize that will only happen when I visit Fantasy Island, but whatever.

Blogger MsAPhillips said...

"Making rubble angels at Ground Zero" -- this is Rudy in a nutshell. Well-played.

That was well said Todd. I would prefer someone more conservative that Rudy. Newt would do nicely for me. However, please know that despite our disagreements with Rudy, I will vote for him, and so will ANYONE with a conservative bone in their body. Why? Because the alternative is so horrific that it simply cannot be contemplated. I will shut down my fucking company and campaign for Rudy full time if it will help stop Hillary. (That being said, where will all my rich clients get their puppy dog fur judicial robes? We all have to sacrifice now and then)

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

Your voting scenario is too horrible to contemplate.

Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

My dad lived in the same dorm as Richard Simmons. This was recounted in Simmons' autobiography as a horrifying time for him.

As for Rudy, I HOPE TO HELL he gets the nomination and that a third-partier does run for the retarded religious right. If that happens, Mike Gravel could win.

If Nader runs, he'll be lucky to win his block by a plurality.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

This post was inspired, Todd.

You delight me endlessly.

Blogger Dale said...

Why hasn't Hillary had him killed already?

Blogger Nick said...

Sysm and I were talking about this post yesterday while walking to the train station and we agreed that you knock them out of the park more often than not.

Post a Comment

<< Home