Saturday, March 29, 2008
What's Out, What's In: A Clueless Guy's Guide to Pop Culture
Anyone who's read this blog knows I'm old and frighteningly out of touch with "what the kids like." Then why am I bothering to tell you what's in and what's out? Gotta write about something.

Out: Social worker
In: War profiteer
Dick "Gordon Gecko" Cheney says "The point is, ladies and gentleman, that bloodshed, for lack of a better word, is good. Bloodshed is right, bloodshed works. Bloodshed clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit."

Out: Shameless pilfering of Led Zeppelin riffs.
In: Shameless pilfering of World Music beats.
I'm looking at you, Vampire Weekend.

Out: Dress for success.
In: Dress to impress the barista at an independent coffee shop.
I like to play a little game called Homeless or Hipster? when I'm out and about. Try it sometime.

Out: Comfort food.
In: Raw vegan dishes that, through the use of sterilized tongs, have never been touched by human hands.
Look for The McBeet at your favorite fast food establishment.

Out: Recreational lesbianism.
In: Occupational dry humping.
Don't blame the maintenance man for giving you that impromptu lap dance. He's just a trend setter.

Out: Talent shows.
In: Shows in which people are brought before a live audience, stripped, and have their genitals mocked by porn stars.
Jenna Jameson: "Girl, you call that a pussy? It looks like the knothole on a hollow oak tree. I half expect Ernie Keebler to crawl out with a pack of Pecan Sandies."
Ron Jeremy: "Nice dick...for a chipmunk."

Out: A group of teenagers are challenged to a dance contest and make it their life's mission to overcome all obstacles and win.
In: The teenagers have better things to do with their time.
Sample dialogue: "You've just been served!"
"Good for you, Fred Fucking Astaire. I don't have time for this shit."

Out: Empty-headed flag waving.
In: Empty-headed flag waving and macho posturing.

Out: Blogs written by me.
In: Blogs written by everyone else.


Blogger Steph said...

lol, you are down wid da kids! Except the last bit. I'm lovin you HARD.

I love that quote by Dick "Gordon Gecko" Cheney. I have it on a poster in my room.

Blogger Jeannie said...

Guess I'm out of touch cuz I read you.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

See, reading your blog used to be out, but now it's "retro" so you're back in.

Blogger yournamehere said...

hard is the way I'd want you to love me.

is that near your closet full of judicial robes made from puppy fur? I kid.

well, I was trying to insult myself, not you. Seriously, thanks for reading!

I've been waiting for that big 2005 Revival. Thank god it's finally here.

Blogger John said...

You managed to work Dick Cheney, Jenna Jameson, Ernie Keebler, and Fred Astaire in one blog post. You're playing at another level, man. You gotta go pro.

Close big bro! Those robes are made out of baby seals that I clubbed myself!

Blogger CSuave said...

Your blog will never be "out".

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

Except the kids wouldn't know who Fred Astaire is, or anyone with talent for that matter.

Blogger Nick said...

Unless, csuave, you mean in the gay way. In which it already very much is 'out'.

Blogger John said...

Never question Nick on matters pertaining to homosexuality, csuave.

Blogger poet1b said...

Man that was funny. Homeless or hipster, I'm growing my hair out, why, I don't know, at 47 I look like Andrew Fuckin Jackson out trying to pick up on young chicks. I need to get a hair cut but the little voice in my head keeps telling me to grow it longer.

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