Saturday, March 22, 2008
The Return of Shovel Justice

This is what I got when I did a Google Image Search for Shovel Justice. Apparently it's a groundbreaking ceremony for a Hall of Justice somewhere. What's with some of the people having to share a shovel? They need to break ground on a decent hardware store.

What was this supposed to be about? Oh yeah...Shovel Justice, the idea that some people need to be hit in the face with a shovel.

Here are a few subjects I think are deserving of Shovel Justice:

People Who Blame Barack Obama for the Crazy Shit His Pastor Says
I know a guy, let's call him "Steve". The priest at his church had sex with young boys. Is this "Steve's" fault? No. Next distraction, please.

Jack Johnson
Who is Jack Johnson, you ask? The next time you're at Kroger/Safeway/Publix/Von's/Ralph's and hear a song over the PA that sounds like someone trying to sing while chewing aluminum foil and being double-nostril fucked, that's Jack Johnson.

Dane Cook
Predictable, yes; but the last time I did Shovel Justice Dane was only totally sucking on a regional level.

Dumb Future Millionaires
A heavily-recruited high school quarterback called a news conference yesterday and announced "I have selected the University of Ohio State." Seriously. No, really. I saw it on ESPN. I think his second choice was the "University of Boston College". Some of you may not have known that the school is called Ohio State University, but I'll forgive you because they haven't been recruiting you for six months.

Renee Zellweger
Fine, it already LOOKS like she was hit in the face with a shovel, but the question remains: How does she keep getting work? In major movies. With actors and actresses who have talent and appeal. It boggles, people.

That Creditreport.Com Douche
I already blogged about the shitty commercial featuring the guy complaining via song about his wife's bad credit, but now they've made two other ads starring this ass and his lousy band. In these spots he's working at Long John Silver's and driving a severely damaged Geo Metro. Yes, because he didn't use, he was forced to go to a used car lot and purchase a wrecked car. That was his only option. Well, that and suicide.

There are so many other folks who need Shovel Justice. Please place your nominees via comments.


Blogger John said...

I'm not voting for Prez this year, so let me get that out of the way. All the choices suck donkey. But the problem with Obama and his Farrakhan Jr. preacher is that he's trying to claim he didn't know this guy was like that. Please. I'd have so much more respect if Obama admitted he joined that church because it was pivotal to his career as a black politician in Illinois. That's the real reason, everyone knows it, blah blah blah. I'd vote in a second for anyone with that kind of blunt honesty. Unfortunately, it'd be me and about 4 other people. Everyone else would vote for the guy or gal who bullshits the best. Same as it ever was.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

Dane Cook needs to be nominated twice.

Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

The Obama row is a second, somewhat more successful, attempt to paint him as some religious nut. I figured he gave the best possible explanation and that was it. Only now am I disturbed, because it's actually starting to cast some of my Obama-supporting friends in doubt, which leads me to my nominee for Shovel Justice:

Obama supporters who, buying into the bullshit Wright "scandal," decide to suspend all their principles and vote for McCain because they at least expect HIM to hang out with religious nuts.

That shouldn't take too many shovels. I hope.

Blogger John said...

I wonder how many Obama supporters who think the Wright thing is bullshit would honestly think the same thing if it was McCain or Hillary or Nader who was a 20-year member of a church headed by a guy saying such virulent things. That's another part of this that turns me and probably a lot of others off to it all. Be HONEST. Deep down you know that if this was one of Obama's opponents, you Obama supporters would be just as outraged at the association of that candidate with anyone preaching what Wright does or anything comparable.

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

I nominate all people who don't vote.

John is right.

Blogger The Mortgage Chick said...

I'd share a shovel with Ms. Pants if it meant whacking Dick Cook twice!

Blogger Übermilf said...

I vote the people in the Sonic commercials.

And people who don't understand why black people are still pissed off.

Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

I don't like it when Republicans associate with preachers like Falwell and Hagee because it's based entirely on a mutual need for political power. McCain has actively sought out Hagee's endorsement, and Hagee has said much worse than Wright.

Wright was Obama's pastor for 20 years, about 15 of those years before he said any of that stuff. I don't recall Obama saying he felt the same way. In fact, he went out of his way to say the opposite.

Of course, all you Obama haters have to latch onto something.

Blogger John said...

So a candidate sits in a church of his choosing and listens to sermons saying things like the US Gov't came up with the HIV virus to infect black folks with AIDS (which Wright said), and the rest of us are supposed to ignore it? Why exactly? How come this is somehow off-limits or to be overlooked? It would be one thing if Obama just started going there and could plausibly claim to be shocked at this. In reality, Obama needed some bona fides in the black community and in that part of the country that means joining that particular church. He did it as a means to an end (winning elections in Illinois). Fine. But don't defend him as though it's ok that he listened to that hate speechifying and never made peep one until someone else mentioned it and he had to defend himself. Because we both know if this was a white guy and a Republican, you and people on the Left who support Dems come hell or high water would have a cow over it. C'mon man, be HONEST.

Blogger yournamehere said...

My obvious mistake was putting something political in a Shovel Justice post. I'd much rather talk about the fucking awfulness of Renee Zellweger.

John, the Right Wing isn't using this as "Obama is a political opportunist." They are using it as "Obama hates America/White People." Kind of how that insipid pill-popping piece of human garbage Rush Limbaugh always reminds his listeners that Obama's middle name is Hussein. "Hey, that's like Saddam. He's gonna be a brutal dictator!"

After watching the Swiftboating of someone who served in Vietnam by the rich-boy who jumped 100,000 names to serve stateside, I won't listen to hate mongers (not you, the Far Right Limbaugh/Hannity/O'Reilly trinity) accuse Obama of being full of hate.

Not to fan this fire, but As someone who listens to all three of comentators you mentioned daily, I can tell you in no uncertain terms that they each go out of their way to say that they do not believe that the insane views of Wright are those of Obama. (Especially O'Reilly)They each vehemently question his judgement in associating closely with a lunatic like Wright for 20 years, but I have never heard any of them say or insinuate that Obama shares the same hateful views.

On a lighter note, I too hate the asshole. It amuses me that he has to serve chowder, and drive a jalopy though.

My top 2 nominees for shovel justice:

1) The Bastards who possibly infected 1000's of people with hepatitis C or worse here in Vegas by reusing syringes that cost 5 cents each.

2) Larry the Cable guy

Blogger John said...

Here's what you wrote about the Obama thing in your blog:

I know a guy, let's call him "Steve". The priest at his church had sex with young boys. Is this "Steve's" fault? No. Next distraction, please.

It's "Steve's" fault if he discovers that his priest is fondling boys and he continues to sit in the pew on Sunday and listen to the guy sermonize. Right? Wouldn't you question the judgment and motivations of anyone who didn't change what he was doing in response to such a horrible discovery? I understand that Obama made a politically calculated decision to overlook the ridiculous things Wright was saying, but it doesn't mean he should escape the consequences of that decision. He CHOSE to continue associating with a hate spewing nutjob preacher. I think that says a lot about the guy. If McCain had a 20-year association with David Duke I sure as hell would think a whole lot less of the guy. I already don't like him very much, but that would make me a lot less likely to want to vote for him.

Blogger Übermilf said...

Can I still hit the Sonic people in the head?

Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

Can religion count as a nominee?

Blogger Nick said...

Jack Johnson is awesome.

Blogger flounder said...

I remember when Stephon Marbury announced that he was going to attend Georgia Tech University.

Obviously not on an academic scholarship.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

Anyone who has their panties in a bunch over Pastor Wright understands nothing whatsoever about the experience of being black in America. Hell, even Mike Huckabee gets it.

But let's get to what really matters: Renee Zellweger, her perpetually squinty "I just smelled a turd" expression, and her utter lack of talent. I have no idea how she has a career.

I'd also like to nominate Dick Cheney, for a million reasons, but in particular for his response when asked about the number of casualties in Iraq having reached 4000: "The president carries the biggest burden, obviously." I'd like to take the first swing, please.

Blogger Nick said...

Oh, Dick Cheney, is there any war you can't start?

Blogger dguzman said...

I'm being Tits with an extra-large shovel to whack Cheney with. But do I have to limit myself to the face?

And you're so right on Zellweger. She's a freak.

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