A Day in the Life of Chad, the Alltel Wireless Guy

Let's take a glimpse into the life of Chad, the Alltel Wireless guy.

Chad arrives right on time for his day shift at Alltel. He parks in the designated employee area and makes his way through the strip-mall parking lot.

Chad, to himself: "Jesus, this sun is searing my near-albino flesh. I left my spf 3000 at home."

Suddenly, the four guys who work for competing cell phone companies appear seemingly out of nowhere.

T-Mobile Guy: "Hey, faggot, why don't you sell a phone to the burly lumberjack who fucks you up the ass?"

Chad: "Son of a fuck, will you assholes leave me alone? I'm just trying to go to my shitty job."

Sprint Guy: "Your mother sells her mouth for a nickel, Chad."

AT&T Guy: "Yeah, your mom has the throat clap."

Chad: "Shut the fuck up!"

Verizon Guy: "I hear you use hobo spunk as hair gel, Chad."

Sprint Guy: "And your aunt is one of Osama Bin Laden's wives."

Chad finally makes it into the safe confines of his workplace. He immediately finds the manager on duty.

Chad: "Isn't there anything you can do about the four fucking psychopaths who follow me around the city making my very existence a living hell?"

Manager: "Well, Chad, relentless harassment outside of the workplace is all part of being on the Alltel team."

Chad: "And now they're going after my family. They pelted my parent's house with jugs of rancid Miracle Whip. The Verizon Guy gave my underage sister a titty-twister. They dug up my grandfather's grave and used his skull as a fondue pot."

Manager: "I'm writing in my notebook 'Chad is not a team player.'"

Chad: "I make $8.00 an hour."

Manager: "And you'll never get a raise with that attitude."