Sunday, February 24, 2008
Hipster's Paradise
I went to a concert Saturday night (featuring criminally underrated singer Shannon Wright) that was just lousy with hipsters. You couldn't swing a size-too-small hoodie without smacking one. It inspired me to write this song, to the tune of Coolio's Gangsta's Paradise. Or if you prefer, to the tune of Weird Al's Amish Paradise.

As I walk through the alley on the way to the bar
I take a look at my life and realize I need a PBR
Cause my lumberjack beard is starting to itch
I look homeless but my parents are both very rich

been spending most our lives
Living in a Hipster's Paradise
Might shower once or twice
Living in a Hipster's Paradise
keep spending most our lives
Living in a Hipster's Paradise
my beard is full of lice
Living in a Hipster's Paradise

Hey, I don't judge people by their facial hair or lack thereof, but I have a problem with scenesters in general. A lot of people came to this particular show to chat and be seen, then left before or during the set of the headliner, who is seriously one of the best live performers I've ever had the privilege to see. Hey kids, the bars close at 4am in this town. There's plenty of time to stay for the entire show and still be able to stand in a crowded bar and drink your insipid Pabst Blue Ribbon or the equally offensive Miller High Life.

In conclusion, I'm a bitter old man who should never ever leave the house. The human race never fails to disappoint me.


Blogger Nick said...

Your a criminally underrated song ripper-offer.

Blogger Steph said...

lmao, You know i heart me a good song parody and that's GOLD.

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

I spent the night with old people.

I win.

Blogger John said...

I spent the night alone and totally boozeless. Thank God Nick is still a bigger loser. Whew!

Blogger Nick said...

I wasn't alone or boozeless.

Blogger John said...

You can't count your fleshlight as "company" Nick.

Blogger Cold Hands said...

It's a catchy tune, you should send that to Shannon and see if she will cover it for ya.

Blogger Ambitious Blonde said...

I spent my Saturday at work possibly infecting my co-workers with influenza.

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