Sunday, February 03, 2008
Welfare? Whatever.
I'm not going to defend the welfare system by spouting a bunch of familiar liberal platitudes about helping the less fortunate, because you either want to help them or you don't, and nothing I say will change your mind.

As a liberal I think MOST people on public assistance have a compelling reason for needing help, but I'm going to go ahead and play devil's advocate by stating that perhaps SOME people are on welfare because they just don't want to work.

My response to that: I don't care. Good for them. Give them their check and let's get on with our lives. Let's provide jobs for the people who want to work and government handouts to those who don't.

Some of you may be thinking "Gosh darn it, that's crazy talk." I know nothing bothers a conservative more than the thought of someone going to the mailbox and picking up a "lazy check". Oh sure, they love corporate welfare, just not the kind that helps the poor. But I'm here to say that welfare is necessary for American society as we know it.

Seriously, think of all of the incompetent service you encounter in a typical day: The surly teenager who double-scans your groceries; the squirrelly meth addict who leaves the middle bun off of your Big Mac; the jaded cashier supervisor at your typical suburban mega liquor store who hates you for writing a check *ahem*. These people go to work of their own free will. Can you imagine the level of service that would be provided by those FORCED to work?

In the past eight months I've personally supervised some of the laziest, most incompetent members of our dying nation's work force. The thought of our government throwing into this stew of sloth a group of citizens who will only work by threat of incarceration makes me wince.

"Billy Bob, why are you sleeping on the counter?"

"Dude, it's 9am! I didn't get up till noon until the government forced me to get a job."

"Well, get up and do your....(sniffs)....What's that smell? Roberta Jo, are you cooking meth in the break room again?"

Viva welfare!


Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

And let's not forget to keep out the immigrants who come here to make their lives better - who actually want the jobs that the welfare recipients deem to lowly for them. Yes, let's make getting a visa more difficult for them as well, so that productivity in this country can keep going down the toilet! Yeah baby!

Blogger Übermilf said...

I would rather pay a paltry sum to those who don't work than millions and billions to those who actually wreak havoc.

Blogger Johnny Yen said...

I was reading about a study of job training programs-- I wish I could remember the exact citation-- a couple of years ago, and the conclusion was that it was given the low success rates of the job-training program, that it was, in the end, cheaper to just pay welfare payments.

My own experience as a teacher was telling. I put a lot of time and energy into working with certain kids who were, by sixth grade, already so far into gang and crime culture that nothing I or any other educational professional was going to do was going to make a difference. Imagine how they were going to be by the age of 18 or 19.

Blogger miss kendra said...

you don't even get that much money from welfare. those people could easily make more if they worked, so whatever.

although i will say this: when i was really really poor and i tried to get foodstamps they would not give them to me. and yet, i still remember that mtv clip of ODB cashing his welfare checks.

If you want to be a lazy, low life broke dick, that's your right as an American. Just don't expect the government or anyone else to help your sorry ass. There is a mentally retarded young man that has a job taking tickets at our local movie theater. He actually deserves to get a helping hand from the govt. If he finds the courage to get up and go to work everyday, so should EVERYONE else. Bottom line, if you can't get your shit together in America, do the rest of the country a favor and just be a burden to your own God Damned family.

Blogger yournamehere said...


did you read my post or just see the word "welfare" and fly into a rage?

I thought I had written a fairly humorous post, because I call myself a liberal but the reason I'm for welfare isn't because of compassion but because I don't want to be bothered by people forced to work.

I guess I was wrong. From now on I'll just write about beer.

No, I read it completely. Obviously, my comments were not directed at you or your post. It was humorous. I too hate to deal with moronic people. My post was in contrast with some of the others that had previously given their opinions on subject. I thought I was OK to give mine. My mistake.

Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

Every time I ask a welfare-hater how much government spending goes toward welfare (AFDC/food stamps), they inevitably say something like "50 percent" or even "75 percent." Wrong. It's one percent. On the other hand, 50 percent goes toward military spending. But question just the fraction of that that is lost for good each year, and you're un-American.

Good post, Todd. I'd go one step further: let's actively take our rudest, most bitter workers and put them on the dole. It might curb violence and poverty, and make the world a much better place to live and work.

Blogger Nick said...

Tom Brady spent more time on his back than your Mom at a Rascal Flatts concert.

Damn, I love the points you made with this post. It has always been my point of view that people working who did not want to do their job were the worst drain on business.

Smart assed teens are the worst. They are basically filling in a blank in the work force with little to no ambition. Give them a check and send them away. We'll be better off with a retiree who actually takes pride in their work and wants to stay active.

Blogger jesse said...

Actually, immigrants usually take the jobs don't no one wants, and they also do a better job than that of someone who is native here, just doing the job for the hell of it. Leaving a half-ass job.

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...


Blogger Tits McGee said...

I love you so much that I want to send you vaginas in the mail.

Blogger Übermilf said...

My Aunt was named Roberta.


Blogger Steph said...

You make some good points! I'm all for giving the meth heads all the free dope they can injest/inject/snort/shove up their arse too.

What? Let the people be happy I say!

This is going to happen once in a millenium, but I agree with your brother.

But your post is very funny, toddles

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