Tuesday, January 22, 2008
The Evil of Two Lessers

My brother, better known to readers as this blog's token Republican, Vast Right Wing Conspirator, said it best: "The fucking Super Bowl will officially be the single largest gathering of arrogant douchebags the planet has ever known."

One might argue that "...the single largest gathering of arrogant douchebags the planet has ever known" will occur this September when the Republican National Convention comes to Minneapolis. But hey, I'd rather light a candle than curse your darkness. I'm a uniter today, my friends.

I think most of us can agree that Giants fans and Patriots fans are obnoxious fuck-pouches. Add to the mix Eli "Roger Clinton" Manning and the entire cheating, sore-winner New England team, and you have a Super Bowl destined to annoy the Christ out of me.

Oh well, the Super Bowl isn't really about football; it's about food, drinks, and commercials. I have to root for someone while I'm eating nachos and drinking beer, so I'll reluctantly take the fucking Giants. God damn the Patriots and their odious pursuit of perfection for forcing me to cheer for the New York Giants. I'm reduced to hoping the Giants beat the Patriots the way Randy Moss beats his common-law wife.


I witnessed the absolute Zenith of undeserving, arrogant douchebagery during the democratic debate tonight, but I'll save my unfettered animosity on that issue for another day. I'm a uniter too!

Though it pains me greatly, I am also forced to pull for the God Damned Giants. I do however, hope that the rival asshole factions of fans beat the Christ out of each other, as to keep them from ever reproducing future generations of douchebags.

"I'm reduced to hoping the Giants beat the Patriots the way Randy Moss beats his common-law wife." Pure hilarity.

Blogger Nick said...

Best. Superbowl. Ever.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

Of course Nick is happy.

Blogger Nick said...

There's no reason not to be.

God damn you, you made me cry with laughter at this post and it's never a pretty sight watching a monkey cry.

Blogger miss kendra said...

the superbowl is about parties with theme cakes and beer.

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

I was a Giants fan right until Parcells left, which is about the same time Favre took over as quarterback for the Packers. I switched their places in my list of favorites, and the Pack has been at the top ever since. Sunday was not fun for me. Not one bit.

Go Giants.

Blogger The Stormin Mormon said...

I have adopted the comment "sore winners" without permission...

And I hate the damn Pats enough to root for the Giants... Which makes me nauseous.

Blogger Lauren said...

In regard to the "the way Randy Moss beats his common-law wife," I say: VIGILANTE JUSTICE ON THE FIELD!

Also, my family is from New York, so I've been brought up to love the Bills first, the Jets second, and the Giants when all else fails. So, the Feminist in me and the New York blood in my veins make me root for the Giants.

But I do think the Superbowl is mostly about the parties.

Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

This Super Bowl almost has me seeing eye-to-eye with those wingnuts who always rail against Massachusetts and New York.


Blogger Tits McGee said...

I don't give a shit about football, but I love cocktail weiners, gambling, and beer, and thus love the Superbowl.

Blogger ginonymous said...

and think of all the douchebags that won't be in your way, should you have to drive anywhere. they'll be planted in front of the televisor.

Blogger jesse said...

I hate both teams, but if the Patriots win, then they'll shut the Miami Dolphins up.

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