Saturday, January 19, 2008
Bridge Over Polluted Water

This is the John F. Kennedy bridge, one of three bridges that connect downtown Louisville to Southern Indiana. Why is a bridge in a Midwest/Southern city named after a guy with perhaps the most Yankee accent ever? I'm guessing the bridge was built in the wake of his assassination; or maybe it was named in honor of Louisville's womanizing community. Either way, it now appears that three bridges aren't enough for this sprawling metropolis. You see, lots of people from Southern Indiana come to Louisville for jobs, shopping, entertainment, medical services, and titty bars. And people from Louisville go to Southern Indiana for ....well, third-rate casino gambling and illegal fireworks.

They were talking about building new bridges way before I moved to Las Vegas. In fact, the first time I heard about the project I still had hope for the future, so it's been a long time. The years have passed and NOTHING has been done about it. There aren't even plans. The local government can't even decide whether to build another bridge downtown, build one east of downtown, or build both.

But there is hope. In a recent interview, Louisville's mayor was asked about state funding for the project. He replied: "...if the funds aren’t there, then give it a decade, maybe two, and we’ll be the bottleneck of the southeastern part of the United States."

Really? Cool! Worse than Atlanta? That is fucking awesome! This is something that could really put Louisville on the radar. We have the Kentucky Derby, but that's just another example of this shitty state riding Louisville's coattails. If these bridges don't get built, the city will stand alone as an example of traffic gridlock. Imagine this future conversation between two truckers:

"I got the Indianapolis to Nashville route next week. I am not looking forward to it."

"Why? Ain't even four hundred miles. A straight shot down I-65."

"You have to go through Louisville."

"Oh shit, that's right. Hell, that's the bottleneck of the Southeast!"

"Worse than Atlanta, somehow."

"Nothin' an extra bridge or two wouldn't fix."

You can't buy that kind of publicity.


11 Comments:

Blogger Übermilf said...

At least Kentucky women shine with their own kinda light.

Blogger yournamehere said...

What the hell are you talking about?

Blogger Übermilf said...

THIS!.

Sheesh.

Blogger Steph said...

Build a fucking bridge!

Oh right. That was the point of the post. ok.

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

Kentucky woman may shine with her own kinda light, but nothing matters in this whole wide world - when you're in love with a Jersey girl.

Shalalala

Wait, what was this post about..

Blogger yournamehere said...

Has Neil Diamond ever been to Kentucky?

Blogger Übermilf said...

I dunno. When did Kentucky lift its restriction on Jewish people?

Blogger Nick said...

Ha HA! Who are you going to root for now?

Blogger Tracy said...

Milf, that was brilliant.

i'm trying to think of a song about Chicago women but all i come up with is "Fat Bottom Girls"

Blogger Lauren said...

I have to cross the Kennedy bridge eight times a week to teach at Ivy Tech. It's hell. I have no hopes for a new bridge. I just plan on having to schedule in half an hour of traffic on my travel time.

Oh, and Louisville loves the Jews. Jerry Abramson, our "mayor for life" is Jewish. We are Pro-Chosen-Ones.

Blogger yournamehere said...

ubie,
I believe Lauren answers that question for me.

nick,
read the next post for the answer.

tracy,
I'm pro fat bottom.

lauren,
the mayor of Las Vegas is also Jewish. I won't live in a town that won't elect a Jewish mayor.

I like Mayor Jer, but there is room for improvement. Remember his re-election commercial, when he was in his car, ran over a pothole, and immediately called someone to fill it? I was hoping he'd run over a dead gang member so he'd do something about inner-city violence.

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