Sunday, December 30, 2007
Fuck the Patriots

On February 3, 2002, the underdog New England Patriots defeated the heavily favored St. Louis Rams in the Super Bowl. The Pats, lead by Tom Brady, an unknown 6th round draft pick, were quite a story at the time. I'd say that everyone in America except Rams fans were cheering for New England that day.

Less than six years later, the Patriots have already won two other Super Bowls and just completed the first undefeated season since the NFL went to a 16-game schedule. They're also BY FAR the most hated team in the league. How did this happen?

Well, it starts with their brilliant but classless coach. Surly, humorless, and a proven cheater, Bill Belichick is a true Renaissance Man for complete scumbags. Their fans, the entire johnnycake-eating lot of 'em, are arrogant in a way that makes New York Yankee supporters seem humble and self-effacing. I want to move to Massachusetts just so I can start smacking them with a sack of doorknobs.

Even Tom Brady, the former underdog turned champion, has slowly morphed into Scott Baio. How many supermodels has he impregnated? He's fucked more models than anorexia. Several years for now, look for the VH-1 series Tom Brady is Forty-Five and Single, But Has Six Baby-Mamas.

God damn the Patriots for being such assholes. God damn them for running up the score on shitty opponents. But most of all, god damn them for forcing me to cheer for both the Eagles and Giants in the same season. I wanted someone, ANYONE, to beat New England so this "Path to Perfection" bullshit would stop. Now the playoffs are my only hope.

Go Anyone But New England!


22 Comments:

Amen brother. I hate the Giants with the white hot intensity of a supernova, and yet I was also forced to pull for them in tonight's game. I am forced to hate the Patriots and their douchebagesque fans until the end of days.

Blogger Steph said...

I have no idea what you're talking about but yeah, whatever you say!

Just wanted to wish you a happy new year. xx

Blogger Übermilf said...

But what about their killer fight songs?

Blogger Übermilf said...
Blogger Übermilf said...

? (I forgot the question mark. Sorry.)

Blogger John said...

I hate 'em because they don't call themselves the Boston Patriots. What's with the regional nonsense? I've always been a Raiders fan, but I'd have to reconsider if they were the West Coast Raiders instead of the Oakland Raiders, then the Los Angeles Raiders, then the Oakland Raiders again. Are they ashamed of the city of Boston or just blatantly going after the hearts and wallets of an entire region instead of one city or one state, like every other pro sports team? Bah, I hope they lose in the first round and Belichick suffers a freak career-ending accident when he gets tangled up in the down marker chain.

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

What John said.

Blogger miss kendra said...

i don't care about sports.

my dad is a fan, but i don't think he's douchey about it, so when you go to boston to start hitting people, make sure their not my dad first.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

I should probably care about this, but I don't, because I hate football.

Tom Brady's pretty cute, though, and I'll watch the Superbowl because it's a good excuse to get loaded and yell a lot.

Blogger Hot Lemon said...

Yarr, bay-bee... what he said.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

What exactly is johnnycake?

Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

Yeah, FUCK THEM and their dour coach, pretty-boy quarterback and blowjobs from the media.

Now to actually read your post...

Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

Wow, you said almost everything I said in my post about them. But it isn't plagiarism, because it's TRUE!

This may be the first season that I actually skip the entire playoffs and Super Bowl. And not just because I'm an embittered Saints fan, but because the teams involved are proving what a failure NFL parity has been this year. Not one of these teams are even remotely inspiring. Also, the Saints beat many of them.

Blogger The Stormin Mormon said...

Hey, I'm a Fucking Colts fan...

Nobody wanted to see them lose more than me. I even had a bit diatribe on the blog about their shitty division and how easy it is to win six of those games against the Dolphins, Bills, and Jets...

Blogger poet1b said...

As long as Dallas loses, I don't care.

Blogger poet1b said...

Thanks for being here, you always make me laugh. 2007 sucked, but 2006 was worse. I feel like a pinata looking like a middle aged man at a birthday party for angry 13 year old girls with father issues, for the last two years. It is a very twisted world, and I don't even know these people. Everybody has been taking turns beating on me, and all I can do is hang in there. Well, I'm still here, hoping for a better new year.

Blogger Übermilf said...

poet B needs a hug.

Hi, Poet B!

I have had some chmpange.

Blogger Nick said...

The Patriots are awesome. All those things you mentioned happen to every team when they become a "dynasty" remember what happened to your precious Cowboys when they won two SBs in 3 years in the nineties. Everyone hated them and it was because they were arrogant stuck-up, classless, drug dealing pieces of shit except for their boy scout QB. The main difference is that the Pats show tons of class, their coaching staff may not but the players most certainly do. (Randy Moss and Donte Stallworth are notable exceptions, but even they have been good boys all year)

As far as cheating goes, taping someone else's practice is not a new concept, they just got caught. That doesn't make it right, but if your going to condemn Bill for it then you'll have to include a large majority of other coaches.

I can appreciate not liking team because the media is constantly sucking their balls, that's why I hate the stupid '74 Dolphins. They always act so god damn self righteous about being going 16-0 and how no one should ever go undefeated again because they're so special and they should be the only ones who get to be special and blah blah fucking blah. Well now they can eat a big bowl of shit flakes and shut the fuck up.

I hope the Patriots go to the Superbowl and fall behind by 35 points only to score 8 unanswered touchdowns in the final 5 minutes of the 4th quarter, if only because it would make Don Shula's heart explode.

Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

As a non-Republican and a Saints fan, I can say without hypocrisy that I despise all dynasties, be they Dallas, New England or Bush. A Hillary presidency might test that belief, but for now I'm sticking with Obama. And Not Patriots.

Blogger Animal Mother said...

Tom Brady is a douche of mythological proportions. He and his team are on a magical run of douchebaggery not likely to be seen again in this millenia. I've prayed, stuck pins in dolls and told other teams defensive lines that he's a racist, NOTHING. They can't be stopped.

Blogger Kevin said...
Blogger 2012天氣晴朗 said...

Post a Comment

<< Home

footer