Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Only 6 months away from an even dumber Earth!

Good news, fans of stupid people breeding! Jamie Lynn Spears, 16-year-old sister of has-been and deadbeat mom Britney Spears, has her own little soon-to-be-neglected bun in the oven.

According to published reports, the father is her "longtime boyfriend". "Longtime"? Did they meet in nursery school?

Apparently, Jamie Lynn is on some Nickelodeon show; or at least WAS. I'll doubt next season's storyline will incorporate her knockedupedness. So she essentially threw her career away by not using birth control.

Since nothing is a secret anymore, the Death Wore a Feathered Mullet investigative team has acquired a written transcript of the pre-coitus conversation between Jamie Lynn and the dude who planted his moron seed.

Jamie Lynn: "Wait. Put on a condom so I don't get pregnant and ruin my career and become a national joke."

Dude Who Planted His Moron Seed: "Naw, girl. It don't feel good like that, know what I'm sayin'?" (I'm just assuming he talks like K Fed)

Jamie Lynn: "Well, okay."

And the rest is white trash history.

And I guess I can scratch Deflower Jamie Lynn Spears on Her Eighteenth Birthday off of my "Lifetime Goals" list.


Maybe you can deflower her turd cutter.

Blogger Jeannie said...

Any publicity is good publicity...

Blogger Hot Lemon said...

grammatically speaking, can you use the words "shock" and "Spears family" in the same sentence??

Blogger Tits McGee said...

I dunno. It all seems about right to me.

The real kicker, though, is that mom Lynne Spears has had to shelve plans for the book she was writing on Christian parenting.

Oy vey.

Blogger Windrider said...

Can't wait till she names this kid.. I'm sure it will be a classic for the history books.

Blogger KT said...

lmao. too funny.

but i guess there's not much to be surprised about in that family.

well at least she held out to 16.


Blogger GiveEmHellHarry said...

Nice use of turd cutter, doc. Me thinks someone needs to add chlorine to the gene pool. Things be gettin' a might bit murky with them there folks.

Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

Any truth to the rumors that Jamie Lynn's fetus is pregnant too?

Blogger Jo said...

Just to put your mind at rest, season 4 of Zoey 101 is already in the can. So tune in next season to find out if Chase ever admits his love for Zoey! I'm hoping something catastrophic happens to Logan... he's such a tool.

Ummm... not that I actually watch the show or anything.

Blogger yournamehere said...

dr monkey von,
well, according to evidence gathered by the DWAFM staff, that is also off the board.

tell that to Michael Richards.

hot lemon,
they're breaking new ground.

my favorite quote from Grandma Lynne was when she said she couldn't believe this happened to Jaime because "she never breaks curfew"; yeah, like you can't get pregnant before eleven pm.

I'm hoping she goes with Frances Bean.

she was the model of restraint.

if this keeps up, in a hundred years no one in the United States will be able to date someone who doesn't have Spears blood in their veins.

ha! No, the fetus is smart enough to use birth control.

is this the same jo who hardly ever watches television? And when you do, you choose this?

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

I love that her mother wrote a parenting book. It's like having Karl Rove writing a book on morality.

I think the whole Nickelodeon show is based around her character which means not only is she done, but so is the show :( Oh poor teenyboppers everywhere!

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

I find this incredibly sad.

Blogger Nick said...

Not unlike your smell.

Blogger Nick said...

In Gmail they have a little news ticker thingie. One of the headlines said "About Today - How to talk to your kids about Jamie Lynn Spears". I don't have kids but I'm sure if I did the last thing I'd be talking to them about is Jamie Lynn Spears.

Blogger Dale said...

The book her mother was to publish on parenting should be renamed to Whore Whisperer as one of the radio stations here suggested. I hope it's twins!

Blogger Ms Smack said...

Sad, but typical.

Blogger The Stormin Mormon said...


Fuckin' snag...

That's what she gets, and that's what she deserves. Talk about the joy of consequences.

Blogger E Flo said...

I can't wait!

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