Thursday, January 03, 2008
The Obvious Post

I was going to say that these guys like to hang around together, but that would be too obvious, wouldn't it?

Ah, fuck it...today I'll embrace the obvious with another tired New Year's Resolution post.

Since I fail miserably to make even modest changes for the better in my life, I'm going to go ahead and make IMPOSSIBLE resolutions. Why not dream big?

-Last year I pledged to lose weight. Instead, I gained the flab equivalent of a midget. So for 2008, I resolve to have abs of steel by mid-year. In six short months I'll have a washboard stomach. No, really. And I'm not going to give up my lousy eating habits or sedentary lifestyle. In fact, I'm going to drink more beer. Cheers!

-I didn't manage to find a good job last year, so this year I'm going to become a millionaire. How? Details are for suckers.

-Ok, I did have sex in 2007, and the world didn't end as I predicted it would if I ever again saw a vagina. However, there wasn't nearly enough of it. I'm setting a goal of banging fifty different women in 2008. Yes smart asses, with their full consent! After all, I'll be in shape and rich, right?

-I'm tired of this whole "disease thing" so I'll be working on some cures in my spare time.

-I resolve to drink a delicious artisanal beer from Dane Cook's skull.

That's enough for now. I want to save a little fabulousness for everyone else.


14 Comments:

I hope to be joining you when do that last thing on your list.

Blogger miss kendra said...

these are all valid goals. who needs game plans when you've got dreams of the future?

Blogger Ambitious Blonde said...

I adore "flab equivalent of a midget". "Food baby" (my chub reference of choice) sorta pales in comparison. :)

Blogger JC said...

I admire your sincere optimism, which has me even more excited about the great things to come for me in 2008. Thank you!

Blogger The Stormin Mormon said...

Shit, all of those are far better than my goal.

Blogger Steph said...

Good to see you not aiming too high. Hahaha.

Blogger Hot Lemon said...

law of attraction, bay-bee-- you dream it, it'll happen.

Blogger flounder said...

You know Todd, this is an election year. President Yournamehere has a nice ring to it!

Blogger Lauren said...

If you're going to be working on diseases, let me know if you make any headway on alcoholism. I hear drinking helps.

Blogger John said...

You want to drink some kind of anal beer out of a guy's skull? What a sick fuck.

I love midgets!

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

vaginas are overrated.

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

Dingleberry. hehehe.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

I love it when you say "vagina."

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