Friday, January 25, 2008
Thoughts on a cold, cold night

It's so cold outside that the facial features of this whimsical cartoon boy have been horribly distorted!

-Seriously, it's cold out, with the kind of wind that'll rip your nips off. And before you write in and say "I'm from (Bismark, Fargo, Buffalo, etc); you don't know what cold is!" keep in mind I live in what is considered by some a Southern city. You Northerners don't have horse-cunt humidity to deal with all summer long. You don't see Confederate Flag front license plates on luxury cars. Your next door neighbor didn't fire a SHOTGUN when the University of Kentucky won the 1998 NCAA Men's Basketball Championship.

In other words, this sort of bone-chilling cold shouldn't be part of the deal. I declare shenanigans.

-The cold weather is made somewhat tolerable by my recent discovery of the meatball sandwich at Cafe Lou Lou. The homemade bread is what sets it apart from lesser creations, and they add a roasted garlic aioli in addition to the marinara sauce. I'm getting one for lunch today. Yeah, another food obsession is just what my fat ass needs.

-Why does ESPN pretend that people care about hockey?

-I've been hearing some sanctimonious "He had everything and blew it" talk regarding Heath Ledger. Yes, he made a fatal mistake and took too many sleeping pills. But who among us has ever been outrageously shit faced drunk to the point of not remembering everything the next day? I have been. All of us who have been that drunk have come close to fatal alcohol poisoning. In a way, we're lucky to be alive. Binge drinking doesn't have the moral high ground over popping pills.


13 Comments:

Blogger Nick said...

hockey is awesome, you hump.

Also it was -15˚ when i walked a mile to work yesterday.

Blogger Jeannie said...

Now, if you WERE from one of those cold cities, you too would be obsessed with hockey.

Blogger Übermilf said...

So, when I have high heat and humidity in the summer, I will be sure to let you know.

Also, we have our fair share of ignorant jerks up here. They're just a different flavor.

That's what makes our country great.

Blogger yournamehere said...

nick,
did you have to wear a dog carcass on your back to cleanse you of your sins?

jeannie,
why don't any of these obsessed fans watch hockey on television so the ratings aren't so low?

ubie,
of course there are ignorant jerks from all over the country. Last night I watched "Real Sports" on HBO. They did a story about out of control fans at NFL games. All of the places they featured - Buffalo, DC, Baltimore, New York, Philly - were Northern cities (except Oakland, the Ignorant Jerk epicenter of California). I had already written this post, and since I had nothing else, I published it anyway.

Blogger The Mortgage Chick said...

There's a magazine still at the checkout listing the Top X-amount of HOT Singles in Hottiewood. Heath is among them. The zombielaydeez will be aswoon.

(it's DogGirl here despite the stupid gmail signin)

Blogger Nick said...

to cleanse my sins? No. For fun? You bet!

Blogger miss kendra said...

it's cold here too. last night i got home from work and my cats were under the covers.

they're from california originally, those pussies.

(that was terrible.)

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

How was your sandwich?

Blogger Lauren said...

Self-disclosure: I have insomnia. The night before Heath Ledger died, I took a non-narcotic sleeping pill with a Benedryl and then drank a cocktail to get to sleep. I don't think I'll be doing that again anytime soon. (Besides, it didn't work. I woke up two hours later.)

Also, "horse-cunt humidity" is fucking brilliant!

The last time Louisville won an NCAA title, your neighbor would have had to fire a musket.

Blogger Hot Lemon said...

I keep trying to tell Yanks that 38 degree weather is NOT part of the deal, but they keep pissin' and moanin' at me about how cold it is.

Thick-blooders, they is.

Blogger jesse said...

I'm from Vegas living in Chicago, we have Bears, and Green Bay fans kicking each others ass. It's also been in the negatives lately, oh and it's pretty damn humid in the summer.

Blogger John said...

Having grown up in Louavull, what cracks me up is how pussified Texans (which is where I live now) are about any hint of wintry weather. Not at all the manly men they claim so vociferously to be. Nay, rather girly men who keep their kids home from school and call in sick to work. All over the mere forecast of a 10% chance of some kind of precipitation that isn't purely in the liquid form at all times. Of course, Texans have a legit claim to manliness in the summer. Humidity galore and 100+ degrees for weeks on end. Oh, and fuck UK fans with a wiffle ball bat. Several times.

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