Monday, February 04, 2008
You win some, you lose some.

Sunday wasn't a very good day for Tom Brady. First, he was awakened at 6am by the sound of Randy Moss beating a hooker. Then his team, in one of the most historic choke jobs ever, lost the Super Bowl. And finally, his latest supermodel girlfriend, Gisele Bundchen, dumped him before he could impregnate her.

The Death Wore a Feathered Mullet news team released this written account of the Big Dump:

Tom Brady: (admiring himself in mirror) "Hey babe, we lost."

Gisele: (in hot Brazilian supermodel style broken English) "I know. I watch game from box in sky."

Tom Brady: "Yeah, the owner's luxury sky box. Nice, huh?"

Gisele: "The wine was swill and odor was of a Rio de Jaineiro ghetto, but that not important. You lost contest, and that make Gisele not smile. I leave you for forehead boy, winner of contest."

Tom Brady: "You're dumping me for Eli Manning? But..but...I'm much more handsome."

Gisele: "It matters not. I want be penetrated by cock of champion."

So there you have it. Gisele is now giving it up to this guy. He is going to Disney World.


Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

And you call me shallow.

Blogger Nick said...

I don't think Giselle talks like a 14 year old retarded Spanish immigrant.

Blogger Tracy said...

I agree. 14 year old retarded Spanish immigrants are just that/bit more literate.

That picture of Eli is hot.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

I think you made this story up.

Blogger miss kendra said...

this is about that "superbowl" thing, right?

Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

You also omitted the part about Randy Moss getting revenge by rolling Eli Manning on the hood of his car, and going to jail because Bill Belichick inadvertently taped the whole thing.

Blogger Nick said...

you forgot to put quotation marks around inadvertently, Ian.

Anonymous Anonymous said...

ha! you are a hilarious mess. i love it. lmao.

Blogger Rachel said...

Poor Tom, lost his game and his girl on the same day.

Stop by and say hi sometime.


Blogger JL said...

In fact, having had a real conversation with a hot Brazilian girl a few weeks ago, whose Portuguese accent made her sound like a lisping, combustible sex doll, I'm going with the 'not a 14-year-old retarded Spanish immigrant' (to where, anyway?).

The accent is very unusual. And let's face it, Giselle can decide who she fucks.

Which is not me. Or you. Or you. Or you. Because we are LOSERS. And supermodels only fuck winners.

Except for Paulina Porizkova, who as far as I know is still fucking Rick Ocasek.

So perhaps there is hope for us all.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

I like it when you say "cock."

Blogger Angelique said...

So how does one find this Cock Of Champion? Is there a waiting list?

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