Thursday, February 07, 2008
I Hate Your Band

In case you haven't noticed, it's I Hate Your Band Day here at DWAFM. In fact, I'm going to keep that slogan as my blog's tagline for the foreseeable future.

Obviously, I didn't invent "I hate your band" but I'm co-opting it, because "I hate your band" is the go-to insult for today's bitter curmudgeon.

Bothered by the hippie band bassist who works at the local coffee shop? "No, I do not want soy milk in my latte. I HATE YOUR BAND!"

Is some skate punk thrash metal douche bumming change in front of your favorite brew pub? "I'm not giving you a cent and I HATE YOUR BAND!"

In fact, if you frequent independently-owned restaurants, bars, record stores, etc., everyone you come into contact with, both employee and customer, will be in a band. And those four words will sting, man.

If you work in a professional setting you probably don't interact with a lot of aspiring musicians, but never fear. "I hate your band" becomes a confounding non sequitur when screamed in mock anger at your company's IT guy. Yell it at your lame-ass boss when you decide to quit. He'll think you know about his homoerotic childhood obsession with The Bay City Rollers and he'll go home to cry in front of his children.

Tune in again next week when our featured insult will be "Your mom sells her mouth for a nickel."


Blogger jazzbonejoe said...

Regardless of what my mom sells and what for, I'm in a unique position to comment here.

I both teach band, and am, in fact, in a band.

Not only do I hate your band, I believe I hate my band as well. Also, I hated band today.


Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

Does AM radio count as a band?

Regarding the Bay City Rollers pic: Do you know who their manager was? No, and he/she/it would prefer to keep it that way. These guys make the Brady Bunch look like al-Qaida.

Blogger Nick said...

I hate band-aids.

Blogger tango jellybean said...

You'll notice that "turd" is contained within, which should tell you all you need to know about the Bay City Rollers.

Also, it's hard to explain to coworkers why you're laughing out loud when the answer is you just read the line "your mother sells her mouth for a nickel".

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

I thought you meant my waistband.

I hate it, too.

Blogger John said...

Band-aids hate Nick more.

Blogger Nick said...

John's a band-aid sympathizer.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

Homoerotic childhood obsession with The Bay City Rollers? I'd like to talk about that more.

Blogger Cold Hands said...

I love you Todd. But I hate your band.

As a side note to Nick, my SO is terrified of band-aids. I see years of fun in my future with them :)

Blogger miss kendra said...

i use this line all the time. it's VERY effective in LA.

Blogger Ambitious Blonde said...

I learned today that you shouldn't use "Your mom sells her mouth for a nickel" when your mom can actually hear you.

Unless you're into pain.

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