Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Save Katie!

Is this a picture of the Glendale Galleria's Hot Topic Employee of the Month, the one who needs to get her gaunt ass over to the food court, pronto? No, it's Katie Holmes! Sweet mother of crazy midgets, someone needs to drag her away from that nutty bastard Tom Cruise.

Look at her! Unless she's auditioning for the lead in Does This Microphone Make Me Look Fat? The Karen Carpenter Story, Tom and his cult religion are fucking killing the poor girl. This looks like a still from a snuff film, a killer in a leather hood standing just out of the frame.

Katie recently collapsed from "exhaustion", and she certainly wasn't exhausted from all the sex she's having with Tom, as he'd sooner shit on L. Ron Hubbard's grave than go near a vagina. I hear Katie's twat has marks on it from where he touched it with a ten-foot pole, but sex? Forget about it.

In less than ten years Katie Holmes has gone from Dawson's Creek to Crypt Keeper. Will Pacey show up to save her?







In other news, Louisville was knocked out of the NCAA Tourney by a guy who looks like Beaker. Once again, sport proves to be a filthy whore.


11 Comments:

Sweet Jesus! Tyler Hansbrough looks like he is in the process of getting cornholed by Shaquille O'Neal.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

I think Tyler Hansbrough was getting it in the pooper from Tom Cruise who was directed to anally penetrate him by Xenu. Or he was pumping his A full of vitamins...I think it produces the same horrific look.

Now I'm going to have to cry myself to sleep...but not until I finish this damn research paper I've been procrastinating for weeks. UGH.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

Melliferous Pants is onto something.

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

She can have half of my bagel.

Blogger Nick said...

Psycho T is the dumbest nickname in the history of nicknames.

Blogger Nick said...

Just absolutely retarded.

Blogger flounder said...

Muppet Smack Rules!

Blogger Tits McGee said...

She was so damn cute on Dawson's Creek, damn it.

Fucking Tom Cruise.

Tom don't like no pussy??

Blogger John said...

Have no sympathy for Katie Holmes. She is but the vessel that will give birth to the reincarnated Overlord of the 42nd Dimension. Isn't it obvious?

Blogger yournamehere said...

vast,
Hansbrough wishes.

pants,
maybe Tom dipped his cock into a vat of V-8 before he entered Tyler.

ubie,
she's on something, definitely.

scarlet,
we should all give her half our bagels.

nick,
oddly, it was my nickname back in Cub Scouts.

flounder,
Kurt Cobain was on Muppet smack.

tits,
did you ever see the movie "Go"? She was her character on Dawson's Creek without the irksome morality. Very cute.

cap'n,
that's the rumor spread by people like me who will never achieve Tom's level of fame or fortune.

john,
in that case, never mind.

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