Monday, June 09, 2008
Mawkish Balladeers, Be Not Proud
A few weeks ago I was house-sitting for a friend. Since the house is very close to several bars, I stumbled home with a good buzz and sat down to watch crappy "Oh my god it's 4am" TV. In other words, infomercials.

A pair of middle-aged men with 70's-era Rod Stewart haircuts are selling a collection of 80's love songs. They look vaguely familiar. Were they on a long-forgotten sitcom, perhaps My Two Sexually Ambiguous Uncles? Were they former understudies for Siegfried and Roy? Are they currently banned from every Chuck E. Cheese in North America? They soon provide the answer.

Tool #1: "Hello, I'm Graham Russell."

Tool #2: "And I'm Russell Hitchcock."

Both Tools in unison: "And together...we're Air Supply."

Let me tell you, when you're half drunk that's the funniest thing you'll ever hear. Ever.

They seemed so proud of being Air Supply. It made me wonder about other instances of misplaced pride.

"Hello, I'm John Allen Muhammad."

"And I'm John Lee Malvo."

"And together...we're the DC freeway snipers."

or

"Hello, I'm Shane Stant."

"And I'm Shawn Eckardt."

"And together...we're the guys who attacked Nancy Kerrigan."

The shirtless father and son Chicago White Sox fans who rushed the field and beat the shit out of an elderly coach also deserve a mention, as I'm sure they're very proud of that accomplishment. However, they sure haven't inflicted as much damage on society as Air Supply.


16 Comments:

Blogger Übermilf said...

Even the nights are better

Blogger Jo said...

Even the days are brighter

Blogger pastlifecarthief said...

lost in love and I don't know much

Blogger Evil Penelope said...

Thinking aloud.... Fell outta touch...

I love the "juice man" infomercials. He gets so worked up about juice. I thought he was going to attack the host!

Blogger Sysm said...

http://www.hairsupply.org/index_mp3.htm

Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

Don't forget the one about Extenze, where the "Sex Talk" girl goes up and interviews random couples about dick enhancer, including one guy who looks a lot like Zack Morris' father in "Saved By The Bell."

Yeah, sure. That's real. When I worked as a reporter, it was hard enough to get a football coach to admit his team lost. Forget about whether or not he could get it up afterwards!

But, you know...at 4 a.m., it ALMOST makes sense.

Blogger flounder said...

Todd, I think that you are all outta love.

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

Now now, don't be making love out of nothing at all.

Blogger Übermilf said...

As usual, Sysm delivers the musical goods.

Blogger jesse said...

Don't forget Hal and Oats A.K.A. homoist pop band of the 80's.

Blogger Sysm said...

How could I forget Hal and Oats? Or homoisticity?

Blogger Devan said...

Too funny - I had never visited your site until Crystal (boobs) tagged you - she's a hoot! I too, unfortunately, live right outside of Loueyville, KY in Mt. Misery (ok, make that Washington) - which has basically just became a suburb in recent years. Glad to hear that someone else in the area actually has a sense of humor! Visit Crescent Hill/The Highlands often and can see why you would buy that house . . .

Blogger Tracy said...

Whyyyyyyyyyy
whyyyyyyyyyyy
whyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!

Blogger Johnny Yen said...

I wish someone would have cut off their air supply. They sucked donkey dong.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

I had some Hal and Oats for breakfast this morning.

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