Sunday, May 18, 2008
Vegass Stories: Obama '08
I was sitting around my brother's rather impressive home on Friday when I decided it wasn't enough for me to eat his food and drink his beer as he was awash in the red tape of the real estate world. No, to truly enjoy my vacation I would need to make a mockery of his entire values system. With that noble goal in mind, I organized a Nevadans for Obama meeting to be held at his house.

Damn, it is so easy to organize a gathering of Obama supporters. I made one phone call to Obama's Las Vegas campaign headquarters and less than an hour later there were ten annoyingly enthusiastic Obamaites running around my brother's house. They fixed tofu dogs and fallafel burgers on my brother's grill and left a patchouli oil film on top of his pool, all the while discussing how to tax him back to the prehistoric era. (I like Obama just fine, but I passed on the tofu in favor of a Double Double from In-n-Out Burger)

As we talked about how we could do away with tax loopholes and fill the Supreme Court with activist judges, I heard a familiar voice in the distance.

"What are all of these hybrid cars doing in my driveway?"

Holy shit, it was my brother. One of his clients canceled on him and he came home early.

As he looked around at all of the Obama '08 signs in his backyard, my brother became so enraged I thought his heart would explode. His face was as red as a baboon's ass and all he could do was stammer like the dad from A Christmas Story when the Bumpus hounds ate the Christmas turkey.

I never knew my brother was proficient in the exquisite art of the samurai sword, but he unsheathed a Hitori Hanso and went Kill Bill on those poor optimistic sons of bitches. Soon the swimming pool was choked with dead liberals. Those still alive writhed on the ground, searching desperately for their severed limbs.

My life was spared, but I was thrown out of Stately Vast Right Wing Conspirator Manor and had to spend a few nights at an East Las Vegas YMCA. I left when I was asked to share a cot with a guy named Dragon.

My brother thinks he had the last laugh, but little does he know I signed him up to receive Al Franken's weekly newsletter. Oh, and I kinda drugged him and sorta replaced his blood with Michael Moore's blood.



Blogger John said...

HAHAHAHA! When you want to be, you're the funniest bastard I've ever known. I mean that most sincerely.

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

I see a revenge scheme involving Ann Coulter, Dick Cheney, and other various members of the axis of evil. If I were you I'd start hiding under Hillary's skirts as quickly as possible.

OK, her pantsuits.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

I thought your brother sold Amway products.

Blogger flounder said...

I'm sure that he will return the favor by plastering your walls with Ann Coulter swimsuit calendars and signing you up for the NRA newsletter.

Blogger jesse said...

Wait, so vast wing is calling his own father a *****?

I'm excited to learn Al's secrets on how to cheat on your taxes!
That's the gift that keeps on giving the whole year!

I was wondering why I had an unholy desire to watch Roger and Me. You dirty bastard!

Nothing like family, is there?

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...


Blogger Tits McGee said...

What Pants said.

Blogger Lil Sass said...

You're my fucking hero. Hahaha

Blogger Lil Sass said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

Blogger poet1b said...

Gawd, I laughed my arse off.

Blogger the_LuLi said...

lol.. this post was hilarious. I've been trawling through your archives, but this one was too funny to pass by without commenting! Ciao0o0o

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