Wednesday, April 16, 2008
What was I thinking? Musical addition
You just outgrow some things, I suppose. For example, I now realize that any woman who would agree to have sex with me is probably crazy, so I'm content to live the rest of my life in a lonely coastal town called Celibate City. But that's another post. For this one, I'm going to talk about bands I can't believe I used to like.

Smashing Pumpkins
A fair part of their debut, Gish, is pretty good, as are one or two songs from Siamese Dream. The rest of their catalog has aged like the potato salad that was left out in the sun too long at the last family reunion and gave your Aunt Betty the runs. The problem is whiny mancunt Billy Corgan, the Gen X Uncle Fester. His shrill, grating voice sucked in 1993 and hasn't gotten any less annoying to these old ears as the years have gone by.

The Police
Fuck the tuneless noodling of Andy Summers, fuck the bogus Jamaican accent of Sting, and most of all (SIMPSONS REFERENCE ALERT) fuck the competent drumming of Stewart Copeland.

Living Colour
Rock and funk, together at last. What's that you say? They aren't very good at either? Never mind, then.

AC/DC (post Bon Scott)
It seems obvious to me that original singer Bon Scott wrote the album Back in Black before he died. How else do you explain this band releasing a hard rock fucking masterpiece as their first album with a new singer and then proceeding to subject the listening public to twenty-eight years of ham-fisted garbage?
This is only on the list because I bought the album after Back in Black and listened to it several times before I realized it was worthless. I was young and stupid.

The Red Hot Chili Peppers
I might take some shit for this, but how many RHCP songs are worth an ounce of tramp sperm? "Higher Ground"? They didn't write it. "Under the Bridge"? Ruined by the tone deaf sing-speak of Anthony Kiedis. "Dani California"? Close, but it sounds too much like "Around the World". These guys are great rock stars and put on a fun live show, but I can't imagine listening to their music at home.

I'm sure there's more, but I don't feel like admitting to it.


How dare you diss "The Cult of Personality!" I loved that song. I did love the Gen X Uncle Fester reference though. By the way, call me Batch.

Blogger John said...

RHCP suck. I gotta agree with the rest of your list. There was nothing wrong with liking AC/DC back in the day, until Scott went tits up. I confess that I liked a couple Rod Stewart songs from the 70s, especially when he was doing stuff with Jeff Beck on guitar. Now I have a Pavlovian vomit reflex whenever that putrid sack of shit's songs are played... from any era. There, skeleton sans closet.

Blogger blackdog said...

No Air Supply? See my comment on that one for an interesting story. As for mine, who else here owned either Off the Wall or Thriller from Michael Jackson - back when he still looked like a black man? No one else? Oh.....

Blogger Nick said...

You and John are equally stupid on this. RHCP is one of the greatest rock bands in the last 20 years. With the exception of the "One Hot Minute Years" they have continually and unequivocally put out excellent record after excellent record.

However, music, like abortion, is a completely opinion-oriented topic and very few people can agree across the board.

It takes diffr'nt strokes to rule the world.

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

I like one song from each of these bands, and that's about it. Except for Living Colour - they totally suck.

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

I fell asleep in the middle of the mosh pit at the Tibeten Freedom Concert when Smashing Pumpkins were on stage.

Blogger John said...

How dare Nick compare our levels of stupidity. I'm clearly much dumber than Todd will ever be. Gays are so judgmental.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

It's not that I disagree, it's just that hearing "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap" sung by 5 and 7 year old girls at the top of their lungs is quite amusing.

Also, being from Chicago and acquainted with the one-time drummer of Pumpkins, I have some funny Uncle Fester stories.

Blogger blackdog said...

Watch out uber, the Bad Mom police will be after your ass.....

Blogger egan said...

I've never understood the appeal of The Police. I suppose if you like songs doped up on repetitive lyrics, then The Police are the ticket.

Blogger ginonymous said...

I think it's when you take the Police and compare them to whatever it is that Sting (or Stuart Copeland, or Andy whatsisface) is doing these days, it's just that they used to be so much better.


I always hated those fucking pumpkins.

Blogger dguzman said...

Your list of suck-bands is awesome, but you forgot:
1. Stone Temple Pilots--an annoying sameness to every damned song
2. The Go-Go's--good god, what was I thinking? Oh well, at least they inspired me to start playing the guitar; that's something.

But hey--Celine Dion rocked then, and she still rocks now. Word.

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