Friday, April 18, 2008
Issues? We don't need no stinkin' issues!

I didn't watch the latest Democratic debate, because I just can't stand to see Obama and Clinton tear each other apart as America's Grumpy Uncle, John McCain, slowly gains momentum in his quest for a third Bush term. However, I do search the internets, and apparently the "leftist media" that ran the debate asked questions about EVERYTHING BUT THE ISSUES FACING THIS COUNTRY.

There isn't a serious issue out there that the media won't try to dismiss in favor of something trivial.

We've been in Iraq for five fucking years with no plan to get out. Obama doesn't wear an American flag pin (which was made by child laborers in China) on his lapel.

Gas will probably be five dollars a gallon by summer's end. Hillary looked dumb doing a shot of whiskey at a bar in Pennsylvania.

The economy is in the shitter. Bill Clinton's gonna get another blowjob. You know he is!

Our drinking water and the air we breathe have been decimated by eight years of federal indifference and outright executive branch sabotage. Someone somewhere made a misstatement and we have the youtube footage to prove it.

The media loves these little sideshows because let's face it, ISSUES ARE BORING. Issues aren't going to sell copies of the sleazy tabloid that poses as your local newspaper. Issues aren't going to get the masses to watch "The Liberal" and "The Conservative" yell at each other on a cable news channel. Hey, I'm guilty of it as much as anyone. In the time it took me to gleefully read about the allegation that John McCain called his wife a cunt, gas in my neighborhood went up fifty cents.*

Lastly, I'd like to address the idea being presented by both Hillary Clinton and John McCain that Barack Obama is an elitist. Well, in the immortal words of English romantic poet Percy Shelley, "No fucking shit." Of course he's an elitist. Why? Because he's smarter than most people, god damn it! You know that kid who just requested you as a myspace friend, the one who goes by the name Thug4Lyfe and lists his favorite books as "None. Bookz is for pussiez"? Barack Obama is his intellectual superior. Obama is also smarter than the guy who had "Git 'R' Done" branded on his nutsack and the woman who bought a Thomas Kinkade painting for $1000 instead of purchasing its aesthetic equal for fifteen bucks at a "starving artist" sale in the conference room of the Airport Sheraton.

And anyone who tries to say that Obama is any more of an elitist than Clinton or McCain is trying to sell you something.



*Although if he did call the mother of his children a cunt, that kind of makes him a cunt, doesn't it?


12 Comments:

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

If "Git 'R' Done" branded nutsack doesn't scream romance, I don't know what does.

Being "friendly" (his campaign's words, not mine) with a unrepentant terrorist in Bill Ayers is a trivial issue? If that shoe was on McCain's foot, the left would certainly call it an issue and would have his head on a plate.

Blogger Ian McGibboney said...

I love criticism of Obama, because they can't even attack the man. They have to attack PEOPLE HE USED TO BE AROUND. By their logic, I would be a white supremacist because I once shared editorial space with one in a newspaper and I didn't call for his head.

Obama is elite in the sense used to describe fighting forces, or a top-notch medical team. Hillary and McCain are elite in the bad sense.

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

Actually, McCain does plaster on the makeup like a trollop. What a cunt!

Blogger John said...

I like cereal with lots of milk.

Hipocrisy is a stern task master.

Blogger FRITZ said...

Thank you. Just...thank you.

I think we should have a show called 'Presidential Idol'. If people could text in their votes for their favorite presidential performer, then America could vote.

Otherwise, it's up to the elitists to do something about this country.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

I am going to link to this next week.

Also, as usual, Ian McGibboney is right.

Blogger tracy said...

I think we all are friends with at least one person who has shameful politics and ideals but that doesn't mean we love them less...i just found out the other day a dear friend of mine put a McCain sign in her yard but did i shun? No. I embraced her and offered to get her help.

John McCain practically sucked GW's dick AFTER GW ran him thru the wringer during the 2000 elections.

What does THAT say to character.

Blogger Tits McGee said...

I love you.

Blogger lostinutah said...

I love Barack Obama. Period. He's young, if he's elitist so am I (and I grew up in a damn trailer with no money) and he's right. People ARE bitter. Damn it, they have a right to be.

Blogger poet1b said...

While Obama can deliver a decent speech, when answering questions the guy can hardly put a sentence together, talk about double speak. While Hillary isn't exactly warm, she has kicked Obama's ass in every debate. If you are looking for brains and competence, she should have been your candidate. Obama might have a few IQ points on GW, but that is about it.

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