Monday, May 12, 2008
My Interview With Hillary Clinton

I was quite excited when Senator Hillary Clinton agreed to be interviewed by the Death Wore a Feathered Mullet news team.

Let me start by saying it's a real honor to talk to you. I've been a fan since that "vast right wing conspiracy" quote.

Senator Clinton
And I've enjoyed your work since that post about getting blown by a stripper behind a dumpster. The whole sordid affair reminded me of Bill in his younger days. Uh...and Bill about a month ago.

Where do you get your pant suits?

Senator Clinton
Thrift stores, garage sales, swap meets, flea markets; anywhere unflattering garments are sold.

In the picture of you that we're running on the blog, there's a photograph of a man hanging on the front of the podium. Who is he?

Senator Clinton
Fuck if I know. I was probably talking to a group of African Americans at the time so I put a picture of a black guy on the podium. I was pandering. It's what I do. I pander.

Have you been drinking?

Senator Clinton
Yes. I drank low grade whiskey with a bunch of steelworkers in a bar that smelled like pickled eggs and ball sweat. And the entire time I prayed for God to strike me dead where I stood.

You seem a lot more candid than you have in the past.

Senator Clinton
Well, I'm blitzed out of my mind for one thing. And let's face it: I'm gonna lose. I'm done.

So you've given up?

Senator Clinton
My candidacy was as unsuccessful as Monica Lewinsky's godawful line of purses. Remember those hideous handbags that spunk-dazed wildebeest tried to sell? I bought one just so I could take a shit in it.

Well, on that note we're going to wrap this up.

Senator Clinton
Have you ever worked really hard for something your entire fucking life only to have it snatched from you by some fast talking upstart?


Senator Clinton
That was a rhetorical question, fuckhead.

Thanks for your time, Senator.

Senator Clinton
Fuck you.


Fantastic interview Bro! You should have asked her if she was bummed not to have gotten the Hamas endorsement Obama recently received.

Blogger Sara said...

wow! she seems a lot more down to earth than i woulda thought

Blogger John said...

Karma's a bitch, Hillbilly.

Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

"I bought one just to take a shit in it..."

see, now if she had shown me THAT side to her in the first place, I might've voted for her.

Blogger Jo said...

Politics AND booze... I predict a lot of comments on this one :-)

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

She is totally my favorite candidate now.

Blogger flounder said...


Blogger Tracy said...

spunk-dazed wildebeest

Yet another brilliant Todd-ism to add to my vocabulary.

Blogger jesse said...

You should do an interview with Obama. He'll probably reply with "Yes We Can" for every question you ask. I have to hand it to you. That does sound alot like the Ms. Short Legs.

Blogger E Flo said...


Blogger Crystal said...

Now that's a candidate I can really get behind.

Blogger The Wife said...

"Spunk-dazed wildebeest" had to be the best one. . .. nice.

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