I noticed something really disturbing last week. Apparently, in increasingly larger circles, it is totally desirable to be Human Garbage.
When confronted by this abominable behavior, I wasn't at some crappy nightclub on a weekend night, when it would have been my own fault for subjecting myself to rampant HG. It was Thursday and I was at a wing and beer joint, for god's sake. A group of quarterlife fucks were celebrating something, maybe the fact that all of their parents are outrageously wealthy, and were taking pictures to capture the moment for stupid-person posterity. Hey, I got no problem with any of that. However, in each and every picture, everyone made a douche kissy-face so they looked like these fuckforalls.
Why, god-who-obviously-hates-me? Why? Someone decided to combine empty feminine preening and brainless macho posturing to produce a new sort of metrosexual doucheality AND IT'S SWEEPING THE NATION! And thanks to the stupid laws of "civilized" society I'm not allowed to cave-in the shit-encased craniums of the Human Garbarge who think it's fashionable. I call bullshit! If they're allowed to take Jackie Aprile, Jr. and his various palsy-puss sperm receptacles as role models, it should be perfectly acceptable for me to execute the lot of them mob style.
But murder, even of Human Garbage, is illegal; so I'm writing about it on a blog. That's almost as good.
When confronted by this abominable behavior, I wasn't at some crappy nightclub on a weekend night, when it would have been my own fault for subjecting myself to rampant HG. It was Thursday and I was at a wing and beer joint, for god's sake. A group of quarterlife fucks were celebrating something, maybe the fact that all of their parents are outrageously wealthy, and were taking pictures to capture the moment for stupid-person posterity. Hey, I got no problem with any of that. However, in each and every picture, everyone made a douche kissy-face so they looked like these fuckforalls.
Why, god-who-obviously-hates-me? Why? Someone decided to combine empty feminine preening and brainless macho posturing to produce a new sort of metrosexual doucheality AND IT'S SWEEPING THE NATION! And thanks to the stupid laws of "civilized" society I'm not allowed to cave-in the shit-encased craniums of the Human Garbarge who think it's fashionable. I call bullshit! If they're allowed to take Jackie Aprile, Jr. and his various palsy-puss sperm receptacles as role models, it should be perfectly acceptable for me to execute the lot of them mob style.
But murder, even of Human Garbage, is illegal; so I'm writing about it on a blog. That's almost as good.
8 Comments:
I too share your wish for the ability to smite.
chillax dude - if that first photo is anything to go by carcinomas will take care of business for you over the coming 20 years.
While Chris and Vast make good points, as do you, I'd like to point out that no generation was without idiots of this kind.
I remember the Fiero-driving, "New Kids on the Block" fashion aspirants from my own youth.
Two words: SHOVEL JUSTICE.
God knows what that kissy face is all about - it's incredibly pompous stupidity. Just take some comfort in the fact that these people's kids will one day look at said photos and laugh their heinies off at what asshole douchebags their parents were.
vast,
it's the one thing we can agree upon.
chris,
the people at the wing place were pasty, except for a few who were orange from the bottle tans. And I don't think those cause cancer.
ubie,
the proud anti-intellectualism of this latest group is staggering. And there's a mean-spiritedness about the whole affair.
pants,
there aren't enough shovels.
jeannie,
these people are going to have kids? Son of a bitch!
That picture made my fist quiver uncontrollably with the urge to connect with every one of those orange pouty douchefaces.
The only thing worse than the douchebag-boys in that picture is the stupid twat allowing them to feel her up. I'd like to take her out back and beat some sense in her - with a sledgehammer.
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