Sunday, June 01, 2008
Mudhoney makes your favorite band sound like a bunch of pansy-ass twee minstrels

Last night I had the pleasure of seeing grunge-rock pioneers Mudhoney play in front of a booze-fueled crowd of people tired of precious music played by trust-fund brats. Mudhoney rocked our fucking souls off. There's rock and roll where our souls should be this morning. Oh, and I'm probably a little more deaf than I was yesterday, which is pretty deaf.

I try to learn things while I'm standing in a small concert venue drinking beer and listening to music, and last night I learned this: In concert, Mudhoney is better than your favorite band; they rock harder, they care more. Your favorite band is probably a bunch of smug twentyish douchebags clawing desperately for fame at a time when nobody buys recorded music, while Mudhoney accepts the fact that this is never going to get them rich and just rocks for the sake of fucking rocking. Will your favorite band bring it years from now, when rock stardom has long passed them by? No, they'll break up as soon as the first little thing goes wrong; or half-assedly play the nostalgia circuit of dog tracks and state fairs. And the only original member will be the drummer. Seriously, can you imagine Nickelback sticking around for ONE SECOND after the money stops rolling in? Faster than you can do a line of coke off a pair of fake tits, they'll be history.

Since Mudhoney practically invented a genre that made millionaires of Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Alice in Chains, and Soundgarden, they don't owe society anything more, but I wish they'd do one more thing for all of us: Publicly eviscerate the band Vampire Weekend. While Vampire Weekend performs in concert, playing their cute little pseudo-world music, it would be cool if Mudhoney rushed the stage, pummeled them with guitars, and started playing real rock music over their possibly dead bodies. Then if they could arrange for a biological terrorist to give everyone in the audience the flesh-eating bacteria, that would be the icing on the cake.

Before anyone thinks I'm picking on them, Mudhoney is also way better than my favorite band. It's something I'm just going to have to live with.


7 Comments:

Blogger John said...

MUDHONEY!!! They took punk, threw in some heavy guitar licks and better lyrics, and... never made it big. But they did spawn a whole new style of rock that made a lot of Seattle bands rich. Damn shame they didn't get in on the gravy train they built. I envy you for getting to see them live.

Blogger Jo said...

My favorite band is Queen. You can't seriously be suggesting that anyone is better than Queen. Remember, our friendship is riding on your answer.

Blogger blackdog said...

My fave is Led Zep, and they're touring again! And 2nd is the Black Crowes; so they're way older than twenty-somethings.

Mudhoney is cool too...

Blogger Übermilf said...

I like Perry Como.

Blogger Übermilf said...

Why don't you ever rip on Carlos Mencia like you do Dane Cook? He sorely deserves it.

Blogger flounder said...

The need a better name. I mean Mudhoney?

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCE!

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