|On Tuesday Kentucky held its Democratic Presidential Primary. As predicted for months, Hillary Clinton won by an overwhelming margin. Barack Obama only won two cities in the entire state, Louisville and Lexington. This further proves my Red State PF Chang's Theory. If a town in a "red state" is big enough to have a PF Chang's China Bistro, there's a chance the people who live there aren't afraid of voting for a black guy.|
Let's look at the final results:
President - Dem Primary
|3532 of 3532 Precincts Reporting - 100%|
Okay, if you actually got in your car and drove to a polling location to vote "Uncommitted", FUCK YOU. You know what effectively announces to the world that you're uncommitted? Staying home.
And John Edwards needs to buy new cars for each of his 14,205 Kentucky stalkers. They are committed to the extreme. I wonder how many of them just had to vote for a white male, no matter what? Better still, I wonder how many were just unaware that Edwards dropped out of the race months ago?
When I went to vote I encountered the world's oldest precinct worker. This woman still had Arc splinters in her knees from when she blew Noah. She looked at my identification, then directed me to sign the voter sheet on a line marked for someone named "Jessica Harris". I ignored her and signed next to my name. The following conversation actually happened:
Old woman: "You signed on the wrong line."
Me (looking again, just in case): "No ma'am, I believe I signed on the line next to my name."
Old woman: "Well, you are Jessica Harris, right?" (What the fuck?!)
Me: "No. Remember, you just looked at my ID?"
Holy Voting Irregularities, Batman! Either this woman was fucking incompetent or Jessica Harris is the ugliest female ever. I wonder how many voters ol' Cream of Wheat for Brains unwittingly disenfranchised? She needs to retire to Florida, where this sort of negligence is encouraged and rewarded.