The strange allure of mediocre lager beers

Let me let you all in on a little secret: a watery lager from India tastes exactly like a watery lager from every other country on earth, but customers always want their favorite, and will accept no substitute. A lot of the appeal has to do with the circumstances of where the lager was consumed, not its actual taste. 

Some guy is in the Caribbean sitting on a beach getting a blowjob from an Island girl (who he doesn't know is actually a tranny) and maybe he's enjoying a beer. That's going to be one good tasting beer, at least in his mind. 

Or some other guy goes to a small liberal arts college in the upper Midwest. He goes to a party and gets a blowjob from a busty coed (who he doesn't know is actually a tranny). He'll have fond memories of the cheap local lager he's been swilling all semester. 

I had a customer the other day who wanted to know if we could circumvent the three tiered distribution system in order to obtain his favorite swill lager, which he discovered on vacation in Brazil. No, I told him, we were not willing to break Federal law to sell him an eight dollar six pack of beer. He closed by saying, "Man, this stuff is great. I like it a lot better than Bud Light."


Almost every beer we sell is, in its own way, better than Bud Light. In fact, allow me to piss in a cup I found on the street. Just because I have at some point in my life consumed good beer, my urine will taste better than Bud Light. You don't have to illegally import beer from Brazil to achieve such a modest goal.