Tuesday, June 01, 2010
The strange allure of mediocre lager beers
Let me let you all in on a little secret: a watery lager from India tastes exactly like a watery lager from every other country on earth, but customers always want their favorite, and will accept no substitute. A lot of the appeal has to do with the circumstances of where the lager was consumed, not its actual taste. 

Some guy is in the Caribbean sitting on a beach getting a blowjob from an Island girl (who he doesn't know is actually a tranny) and maybe he's enjoying a beer. That's going to be one good tasting beer, at least in his mind. 

Or some other guy goes to a small liberal arts college in the upper Midwest. He goes to a party and gets a blowjob from a busty coed (who he doesn't know is actually a tranny). He'll have fond memories of the cheap local lager he's been swilling all semester. 

I had a customer the other day who wanted to know if we could circumvent the three tiered distribution system in order to obtain his favorite swill lager, which he discovered on vacation in Brazil. No, I told him, we were not willing to break Federal law to sell him an eight dollar six pack of beer. He closed by saying, "Man, this stuff is great. I like it a lot better than Bud Light."

Almost every beer we sell is, in its own way, better than Bud Light. In fact, allow me to piss in a cup I found on the street. Just because I have at some point in my life consumed good beer, my urine will taste better than Bud Light. You don't have to illegally import beer from Brazil to achieve such a modest goal.


Blogger kate said...

Our local brewery is pretty dreamy...I'll just stick with their IPA and be done with it. No laws need be broken, no fortunes spent.

Blogger DavidShag said...

I quit drinking beer on my 40th b'day some mmmff years ago - a decision that coincided with the rise of microbreweries and various beers of actual interest. Timing is everything. So I am left permanently marked by the memory of mainstream lagers, which I hasten to say, I liked way too much. As to that which is available now, I figure if only I knew when exactly I was one year from the grave, I'd cash in all my IRAs and sample strenuously up until the ends (life and money), which with luck would coincided exactly.

Blogger Scarlet Hip said...

Can you get me some VB from Australia?

Post a Comment

<< Home