Saturday, September 03, 2005
A funny thing happened in Cincinnati
In the spring of 2002 I went to Cincinnati, Ohio with my friend Jon and a couple of his friends to see a band named Boss Hog. It was a good show, but little did I know the strange shit that was about to go down.

We were hanging out directly after the show waiting for someone to come back from the bathroom when I was approached by a woman, early-to-mid forties, not bad looking at all but had a crazy look to her. "Hi," she said. I hi'd her right back. This is the next thing she said to me:

"I want you to beat up my teenage son."

"Excuse me?"

"I bought my fifteen-year-old a ticket to the concert but he didn't want to go," she told me.

Imagine that. A teenage boy didn't want to go to a concert with his mom. He deserved to be savagely attacked by a stranger. "Where is the little bastard?" I asked in mock anger.

I'll spare you the details but for the next several minutes she tried to convince me to go with her to god knows where in the boonies of the Natty for the purpose of pummeling a minor. I told her I was from Louisville and needed to go back soon.

"Sorry, no time for violence tonight. Next time I'll thrash all of your children if you want."

Then she asked when I'd be back in town. "We might come back up in a couple of weeks to see Nashville Pussy."

Nashville Pussy is a real band and they were going to be at that club, but I said that mainly to offend her.

Her reply: "I saw the Rolling Stones in Nashville once."

"Yeah, I have a seat on the GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE EXPRESS, and it's pulling away from the station as we speak."

That was the last time I was in Cincinnati.


20 Comments:

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

Thank you for the good Nashville Pussy laugh, I needed that.

Blogger Steve Caratzas said...

Nashville Pussy rocks!

Blogger Egan said...

Too bad you didn't sock her a good one and apologize to her saying something like "sorry, you aren't a teenage boy... my bad"

Blogger Bobby said...

Ohio doesn't have a lot of entertainment venues, so beating up each other's children has to qualify.

Blogger MollyNormal said...

Are you available for beatings by appointment? I've got an ex-husband that could use a major ass kicking. I'd pay top dollar, especially if you let me watch.

Blogger Harley Quinn said...

I'd have bitch slapped her...people should be forced through extensive testing before given the opportunity to be a parent.

Blogger Kristine said...

Ohio rules.

Blogger yournamehere said...

ms. pants,
a pussy laugh is the best laugh of all.

steve,
Yes. Yes they do.

egan,
men socking women is only allowed in the midwest if you marry her first.

bobby,
I believe Columbus is a party town because of Ohio State. Cincy not so much.

mollyn.,
If you let me watch I'll let you watch.

L.A.,
If I was beyond rich I'd pay you a huge salary to hang out with me and bitch slap women who had it coming.

kristine,
Welcome back. I read about your trip to Colorado.

Blogger katarina said...

You should've asked to see a picture of him and then beat the hell out of her. When asked why, you could've said that they look so much alike that you thought she was him.

If you're for hire...

Blogger IndependentGrl said...

The more I hear, the more convinced I become that anyone who wants to become a parent needs to pass a test before they are allowed to procreate. I also become increasingly convinced that the gene pool needs A LOT more chlorine!

Blogger yournamehere said...

Kat,
Yeah, the whole beating the hell out of chicks thing is frowned upon.

Indie,
In some cases the gene pool needs to be drained and refilled.

Blogger IndependentGrl said...

Todd - that is actually a MUCH better idea :-)

Blogger aughra said...

You should have beat him up.

Just for shits and giggles.

You attract the strangest lot. They must feel your vibes from miles around.

Blogger yournamehere said...

Indie,
Glad you liked that.

aughra,
This was an attractive woman and if I wouldn't have been over a hundred miles from home I would have at least hung around to see just how crazy things would have gotten.

andi,
I'm tall and large. Strange people seem to gravitate toward the first thing they see.

Blogger Nettie B said...

Todd...i'd do that shit for FREE. LOL. Just wait until Di and I get to Vegas :)

Blogger JJ said...

Bizarre.

Blogger MoDigli said...

Even more proof that Ohio is WACKY! ... I need to hurry up and get OUTA here!!!

Blogger yournamehere said...

nettie,
When you get to Vegas, you'll have to commence to smackin' bitches upside the head.

jj,
It's par for the course.

mo,
I'm convinced every place sucks.

Blogger Cincysundevil said...

LOLOL ... That is such a 'Nati moment! The sad thing is that this probably isn't an unusual occurence in the Queen City!

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