I am convinced that this man, not Tom Cruise, is the true father of Katie Holmes' unborn baby.This is L. Ron Hubbard, founder of Scientology, the kooky-ass cult that Tom Cruise is so enthusiastic about. Yes, Mr. Hubbard died in 1986, while attending a Mister Mister concert, I think; but his legacy will live on thanks to modern science, his thawed-out spunk, and Katie's lonely uterus.
Let's face a few facts, grown-ups. Tom Cruise would rather stick his cock in a live hornet's nest than a vagina, but he needed someone to take to the Academy Awards. Enter Katie Holmes, a young actress whose career had seen better days. They were a perfect match, but only one piece of Tom's diabolical scheme. He needed his phony wife to be the vessel from which would emerge the heir to the Scientology empire, so he had L. Rod's swimmers thawed out and turkey-bastered into her loins. And since Katie is allegedly a virgin, the result of this immaculate conception will be crowned Jesus Dianetics Christ, Messiah of Scientology.
These people and their plan for world domination need to be squelched. If we work together, we can stop L. Ron Hubbard from releasing his demon spawn from beyond the grave.
20 Comments:
The whole story is sketchy.
First, she just proclaimed how proud she is of her virginity.
Second, don't you think this would be HUGE news and it barely got a blip on the radar.
I agree...those are the last 2 people that should be breeding. God help Katie if she gets post partum depression
I have to use my first comment on your site to tell you that I'm pretty sure you are a GENIUS!
I've always been proud of the fact that L. Ron grew up in my hometown! I even know which house he lived in while growing up! Obviously he learned his divine wisdom from his experiences here....
mollyn.,
thanks, babe.
blonde,
the baby's going to have L. Ron Hubbards looks and Katie's brain. Ha.
lily b,
some would say 'evil genius'. Some would say 'douchebag'.
nettie,
I love how Tom goes on interviews and lectures the questioners but they're too starstruck and spineless to tell him to fuck off.
anthony,
c'mon, let's start a religion based on the writings of Ray Bradbury.
os,
you've seen L. Ron's boyhood home? Has Tom bought it and turned it into a museum yet.
egan,
since I am a hypocrite above all else, Travolta gets a pass from me for being in Pulp Fiction. I can totally understand why others hate him, though.
shaken,
don't apologise. That story pertained to the topic and exposed Katie Cruise as a thrower of lame parties. Good job.
ruben,
yeah, I kind of feel sorry for Katie. Even someone who was a has-been at twenty-five didn't deserve such a fate.
I am no longer going to respond to you because I'll be busy rounding up the Scientologists and placing them in concentration camps.
By the way, I ignore blogs that don't subscribe to my world view. I suggest you do the same.
Todd that guy definitely needs to be hit with a shovel. Also, scientologists.
I didn't think dismissing a hilarious set of beliefs, based on aliens invading Earth, was hate speech. I often brand statements like that "common sense."
You have correctly stated the need to stop the spawning. The question is, how?
shaken,
I used to subscribe to Big Juggs magazine, but I didn't like their editorial stance.
nick,
no, I enjoy being compared to Hitler on a silly blog. Good fun.
cheska,
I don't know a lot about Scientology. I do know that Tom Cruise, who has a lot of influence because of his celebrity status, much more than say...I don't know, a guy who writes a blog that maybe fifteen people read on a regular basis, goes on TV and denounces anti-depressant drugs that allow people I know to lead normal lives. He is a douchebag. Thanks for the support.
ubie,
you are the voice of reason and that is why I adore you. Of course, I made fun of my own religion a couple of weeks ago. I like to spread the love around.
How to stop the spawning? I don't know. I just...don't know.
Right on. Down with Hubbard-spunk!
Hahaha..... Freakin' histerical! The post. The comments.....
How come everyone suddenly knows that Katie is/was a virgin?
This whole publicity stunt is creepy.
Geez, Todd!
We let you out to play, and look what happens! I assume you took earth science in school--don't you feel some sort of kindred spirit to these nice people??
Whenever I get my camera replaced, I'll stop by and take a picture of the old home. Maybe we can send it to the happy couple and see if they make an offer on it!
I say unto Cheska, AMEN.
Johnny Menace - ....and you call yourself a Dawson's Creek fan? It's Pacey man, Pacey.
I don't know what's funnier, your post, or the fact that Tom Cruise came on here to defend himself and doesn't know the difference between "your" and "you're".
Give them a break, already. They gave all their money and obedience only to be told at the end of the trek that their church is based on a science fiction writer, and what's worse by a really terrible one. Of course, they're going to defend it, they don't have any other choice.
Todd, have I told you yet today how much I love you?
;)
by "Tom's" aka yourthelosers, aka yourthehateful&antisocial 's definition of a religion, the "Heaven's Gate" cult was a religion....I don't THINK so.
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