Saturday, October 01, 2005
Top Ten Signs You're Dating a Crack Whore
From the Home Office in Henderson, Nevada, here's tonight's Top Ten List:

Top Ten Signs You're Dating a Crack Whore

10. She buys her clothes at Gap for Crack Whores.

9. When she sneezes, five teeth come flying out of her mouth.

8. She has a white moustache and never drinks milk.

7. She lists her previous address as "The Dumpster Behind the Dairy Queen on Fifth Street".

6. There's a bumper sticker on her car that reads "I'd Rather Be Sucking a Stranger's Dick for Twenty Dollars".

5. When it's crack whore night at Red Lobster she gets extra biscuits.

4. There's a crack whore sketch on Chappele's Show. You laugh. She nods knowingly.

3. Your next-door neighbor borrows a cup of sugar from her, forgets to pay it back, and gets his legs broken by a pimp.

2. Everywhere you go, you hear people say, "Hey, there's the guy who's dating the crack whore."

1. Her nose is runny, but that ain't snot.


22 Comments:

Blogger Melliferous Pants said...

I hope my "$5 Blow Jobs" t-shirt doesn't place me on this list.

Blogger Steve Caratzas said...

11. She blows the barrista at Starbucks, rather than drop her change in the tip jar.

Blogger yournamehere said...

Ms. pants,
No, that puts you at the top of the list of people I want to spend five dollars on.

steve,
hell yeah, that change adds up.

Blogger Übermilf said...

You called ME mean-spirited?

Tsk.

I giggle at your evilness. Cackle, even.

Blogger Monkey's Human said...

"I'd Rather Be Sucking a Stranger's Dick for Twenty Dollars".

Hey! I've got this bumper sticker. Small world, eh?

Blogger Bobby said...

i knew something was up.

I am calling her right now and asking for my money back.

hanging out in Pitman again?

Blogger yournamehere said...

milfpookie,
I'm not evil, just honest. I love to make people cackle.

monkey's human,
I'll be there next weekend with a fistfull of dollars and a song in my heart.

bobby,
that money is long gone, my friend.

shaken,
no, I used to shop at the Dirty Von's on Sunset and Stephanie.

Blogger Nettie B said...

lol...this is funny.

Blogger Egan said...

Do you suppose there's a town without a crack whore?

Blogger Pirate said...

Number 11 her stolen Id says she's 22 but her face and smell tells you she's at least 64.

Blogger Crystal said...

But Red Lobster does have the best biscuits around now. ;-)

Blogger yournamehere said...

nettie,
thank you, my dear.

egan,
"The Town Without a Crack Whore" was the worst after school special ever.

pirate,
I don't think most crack whores would pass the smell test.

crystal,
The crack whores don't know this, but all you have to do to get extra biscuits is ask.

Blogger Evil Petting Zoo said...

I'm going to print this and carry it around in my wallet. I'll refer to it whenever I start to fall in love.

Blogger aughra said...

Beautiful. Number 4 is nice.

Speaking from experience?? I do hope not. Those darned crack whores are a pain in the ass.

Blogger The real me said...

#11 in a list of 10...

11- You miss FFF and blame it on having to take your girlfriend who's just OD'd to the hospital.

Blogger yournamehere said...

evil,
have the list laminated. Nothing says "class" like a laminated crack whore list.

aughra,
it is beautiful in its own way.

andi,
More of a pain as in "It hurts when I pee."

real,
I forgot about FFF two weeks in a row, both non-crack whore related.

Blogger Übermilf said...

You still have time! Deadline is Monday, noon. For FFF.

Blogger n.v. said...

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

Blogger yournamehere said...

milftastic,
I'm not at a fiction writing place right now.

dena,
I love to make you laugh, my friend.

lol, my friend shops at that Vons pretty frequently.

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