From the Home Office in Henderson, Nevada, here's tonight's Top Ten List:
Top Ten Signs You're Dating a Crack Whore
10. She buys her clothes at Gap for Crack Whores.
9. When she sneezes, five teeth come flying out of her mouth.
8. She has a white moustache and never drinks milk.
7. She lists her previous address as "The Dumpster Behind the Dairy Queen on Fifth Street".
6. There's a bumper sticker on her car that reads "I'd Rather Be Sucking a Stranger's Dick for Twenty Dollars".
5. When it's crack whore night at Red Lobster she gets extra biscuits.
4. There's a crack whore sketch on Chappele's Show. You laugh. She nods knowingly.
3. Your next-door neighbor borrows a cup of sugar from her, forgets to pay it back, and gets his legs broken by a pimp.
2. Everywhere you go, you hear people say, "Hey, there's the guy who's dating the crack whore."
1. Her nose is runny, but that ain't snot.
Top Ten Signs You're Dating a Crack Whore
10. She buys her clothes at Gap for Crack Whores.
9. When she sneezes, five teeth come flying out of her mouth.
8. She has a white moustache and never drinks milk.
7. She lists her previous address as "The Dumpster Behind the Dairy Queen on Fifth Street".
6. There's a bumper sticker on her car that reads "I'd Rather Be Sucking a Stranger's Dick for Twenty Dollars".
5. When it's crack whore night at Red Lobster she gets extra biscuits.
4. There's a crack whore sketch on Chappele's Show. You laugh. She nods knowingly.
3. Your next-door neighbor borrows a cup of sugar from her, forgets to pay it back, and gets his legs broken by a pimp.
2. Everywhere you go, you hear people say, "Hey, there's the guy who's dating the crack whore."
1. Her nose is runny, but that ain't snot.
16 Comments:
I hope my "$5 Blow Jobs" t-shirt doesn't place me on this list.
11. She blows the barrista at Starbucks, rather than drop her change in the tip jar.
Ms. pants,
No, that puts you at the top of the list of people I want to spend five dollars on.
steve,
hell yeah, that change adds up.
You called ME mean-spirited?
Tsk.
I giggle at your evilness. Cackle, even.
"I'd Rather Be Sucking a Stranger's Dick for Twenty Dollars".
Hey! I've got this bumper sticker. Small world, eh?
i knew something was up.
I am calling her right now and asking for my money back.
milfpookie,
I'm not evil, just honest. I love to make people cackle.
monkey's human,
I'll be there next weekend with a fistfull of dollars and a song in my heart.
bobby,
that money is long gone, my friend.
shaken,
no, I used to shop at the Dirty Von's on Sunset and Stephanie.
Number 11 her stolen Id says she's 22 but her face and smell tells you she's at least 64.
But Red Lobster does have the best biscuits around now. ;-)
nettie,
thank you, my dear.
egan,
"The Town Without a Crack Whore" was the worst after school special ever.
pirate,
I don't think most crack whores would pass the smell test.
crystal,
The crack whores don't know this, but all you have to do to get extra biscuits is ask.
Beautiful. Number 4 is nice.
#11 in a list of 10...
11- You miss FFF and blame it on having to take your girlfriend who's just OD'd to the hospital.
evil,
have the list laminated. Nothing says "class" like a laminated crack whore list.
aughra,
it is beautiful in its own way.
andi,
More of a pain as in "It hurts when I pee."
real,
I forgot about FFF two weeks in a row, both non-crack whore related.
You still have time! Deadline is Monday, noon. For FFF.
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
milftastic,
I'm not at a fiction writing place right now.
dena,
I love to make you laugh, my friend.
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